When I had calmed down we went out of the car. Mark put his arm around me as we went across the car park, and I relaxed, a bit. When we reached the hospital door Mark stopped to look at me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded slowly. "You look calm enough" Mark stated. I didn't know if it was true, but if I did look calm it was just a front. I was trembling more inside than I had ever done in my life.

It didn't take us long to find Kian. "How is he?" Mark asked as soon as we sat down. Kian looked at him, "Not too good... they're doing some casualty surgery or whatever..." Kian sighted. "I really don't know much more than you two to be honest, can't get much out of these doctors... and when I do I don't understand half of what they're talking about." It was clear Kian wasn't to comfortable with the subject, and he looked at me instead. "So, you're with us again?" I nodded slowly. "I haven't spoken to you in ages, why didn't you call me?" I looked up at him. "I had nothing to say to you..." "Really?" "No, the thrush is that I tried to put this part of my life behind me..." I stopped for a while and sighted "but it looks like I can't do it..." Kian just looked at me, and I looked away cos it felt like he would be able to see right through me with that look.

A while later Bryan arrived. "Hi," he said, and then his gaze stopped on me, "Nikki, it's great to see you again!" He sat down beside me and asked me some questions, which I answered in the same roundabout way I had done to Kian earlier. If Shane wasn't around I was used to confide in Nicky as he and Shane were fairly close, or else Mark, as I knew he was trustworthy. Mark finally looked at his watch and sighted. "Listen, I'll have to pick Lorraine up at the airport cos I promised, it was planned for her to come down today" He looked at me, 'Will you be Ok here for a while Nikki?" "Yeah, I'll be fine," I smiled gravely and hoped it would convince him, cos I didn't even convince myself. By the expression on his face he didn't believe me, but he still said goodbye and went away.

I was left with Kian and Bryan, and I suddenly realised that I had never got to know them properly. I had never really sat down to chat to them the same way as I would with Nicky or Mark, and, well, Shane of course.

It didn't take very long until a doctor came up to us. After making sure we were there with Shane Filan he started talking to us. To be honest I didn't catch to much of the conversation, I felt sick and my head started to spin. I just picked up single words about broken ribs, bad burns and possible brain damage, and it didn't make it any clearer to me what condition Shane really was in. Kian finally looked at me and realised I wasn't well. "Nikki, are you ok?" I managed to shake my head slowly, unable to speak. The doctor stopped and looked at me, "I'll get you a glass of water," he rushed away. Kian draped his arm around my shoulders dipping my head down and Bryan took my hand, "Easy now, just calm yourself, take a deep breath..." I tried, but I couldn't breathe, and I just felt worse despite Kian and Bryan's desperate tries to make me get back to my senses again. I heard Kian call for help before I couldn't manage it anymore and passed out.

I don't know for how long I was unconscious but I woke up on a hospital bed. Nicky had arrived and stood talking to a nurse in the doorway. He turned around and when he realised I was awake he came over, "How are you feeling?" he asked softly. "Better," I sat up slowly, I did feel well again. The nurse came over with a glass of water. "Here, drink this," she left the room and I was left with Nicky. He looked at me affectionately, not near as loving as Shane used to but still caring. His gaze was searching for mine and I turned around, couldn't stand it. "Nikki?" "Mmm," I turned around again, fearing what he would say. Deep inside me I knew what it was, and I was right. "Are you aware that you are pregnant?" I looked up and nodded, I was unable to speak and felt the tears coming again. "Come here love," he stretched out his arm and drew me closer. I was happy to see him again, in some way it was easy just to cuddle up with him, I could always be sure that it was innocent as he was very much in love with Georgina. On the other hand, I had toured with them so much the four months I was together with Shane I had become something like a pet for all the lads, and I'd often find the other lads cuddling up to me for comfort as well. It was nowhere as affectionate as when I cuddled Shane thought and he was well aware of it.

Kian suddenly appeared and interrupted my thoughts. He sat down on the bed, "Are you alright?" "Yeah, I'm fine." I wondered if he knew as well, but it didn't seem so. "How is Shane?" Nicky asked and took the words from my mouth. "He hasn't woken up yet, but the surgery seemed to go well..." Kian looked at me, as if he was trying to make out how I felt, "the doctor would let us stay in the room till he wake up, but I'm not sure if N-" I interrupted him, "Kian, I'm fine, you can stop worrying. I don't know why you're all making such a big deal out of this I'm OK, really." Kian took my hand and looked deeply in my eyes, "Are you sure you can cope with it then?" I nodded, "Yes."