Grim Reaper: Don't overlook my butt, I work out all the time. And reaping burns a lot of calories.

Colonel Oates: Get down and give me infinity.
Bill: There is no way we could possibly do infinity push-ups.
Ted: Well maybe if he lets us do them girly-style...

Bill: Ted, don't fear the reaper!
Grim Reaper: I heard that!

(Evil Bill & Ted are holding the real Bill & Ted over a cliff)
Bill: Ted, we gotta do something!
Ted: Dudes, even though you're doing this, we... we... we love you! We love you!
Evil Bill, Evil Ted: Fags!

Evil Robot Ted: I got a full-on robot chubby.

(Evil Robot Bill and Evil Robot Ted arrive at 1988)
Evil Robot Bill: Not bad...
Evil Robot Ted: Yeah. Let's make it bad.

(Dead Bill almost falls down when climbing around in Hell)
Dead Bill: Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my megadeth collection.
Dead Ted: Dude, we are already dead.
Dead Bill: Oh. Well then they're yours, dude.

Ted Logan: (to God) Keep up the good work.

(Bill and Ted wakes up after having been dead a while. Bill picks out a worm from his ear)
Bill S. Preston: Dinner's over, wormdude.

Grim Reaper: You have sunk my battleship!
Bill, Ted: Yes!
Grim Reaper: You must play me again.
Bill: WHAT?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best two out of three.

Grim Reaper: I predict Colonel Mustard did it in the cellar with a candlestick.
Bill: Sorry, death, you lose! It was Professor Plum!
Grim Reaper: I said Plum!
Ted: No, you didn't! Can we go back now?
Grim Reaper: Uh, best three out of five!

Bill S. Preston: You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds!

Ted: Dude, how are we gonna get out of this? We don't got any time!
Bill: Yeah we do, dude. Look, after we get away from this guy, we use the booth. We time travel back to before the concert and set up the things we need to get him now.

Grim Reaper: (rapping) You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.

SPEED Swat Cop: Anything else that'll keep this elevator from falling? Jack: Yeah. The basement. Jack: Tell me again Harry, why did I take this job? Harry: Oh come on, thirty more years of this, you get a tiny pension and a cheap gold watch. Jack: Cool. Harry: All right, pop quiz. Airport. Gunman with one hostage. He's using her for cover; he's almost to a plane. You're a hundred feet away. Jack? Jack: Shoot the hostage.

Howard Payne: There will come a time, boy, when you'll wish you never met me.
Jack: Mister, I'm already there.

Harry: I'm going to go home. Have some sex.
Jack: Harry, you're going to go home and puke.
Harry: Yeah, well, that'll be fun too.

Jack: STOP! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car!
Tuneman: Hey man, this is MY car, I OWN this car, it's NOT stolen. (Jack pulls out his gun)
Jack: It is now. Move over.

Jack: Miss, can you handle this bus?
Annie: Oh sure. It's just like driving a really big Pinto.

Jack: It's a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins.
Annie: What if you win?
Jack: Then tomorrow we'll play another one.
Annie: But I'm not avalible to drive tomorrow. Busy.

Annie: So you're a cop, right?
Jack: That's right.
Annie: Well, I should probably tell you that I'm taking the bus because I had my driver's license revoked.
Jack: What for?
Annie: Speeding.

(Jack spots the explosive device; Stephens is relaying his observations by cell-phone.)
Jack: Fuck me!!
Stephens: "Oh, darn."

Jack: Harry, there's enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world!

Helen: Are they going to help us?
Stephens: Sure they are, they're the police. Hey, your taxes are paying their salaries. We die, they gotta take a pay cut.

(Jack is helped onto the bus after trying to defuse bomb)
Stephens: Did you have any luck with the bomb?
Jack: Yeah, it didn't go off.

Annie: What is that smell?
Jack: It's gas.
Annie: We're leaking gas?!
Jack: We are now.
Annie: What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?

Annie: You're not going to get mushy on me, are you?
Jack: Maybe. I might.
Annie: I hope not, 'cause you know, relationships that start under intense circumstances, they never last.
Jack: Oh yeah?
Annie: Yeah, I've done extensive study on this.

Scott: Getting away from everything feels good. Mike Waters: Yeah, it does. Scott: When I left home, the maid asked me where I was off to. I said "Wherever. Whatever. Have a nice day." Mike Waters: You had a maid. If I had a normal family, and a good up-bringing, then I would have been a well-adjusted person. Scott: It depends on what you call normal. Mike Waters: Yeah, it does. Well, you know. Normal. Like a mom and a dad and a dog, and shit like that. Normal. Normal. Scott: So, you didn't have a normal dog? Mike Waters: No, I didn't have a dog. Scott: Didn't ... or... didn't have a normal dad? Mike Waters: Didn't have a dog or a normal dad anyway, yeah. That's alright. I don't feel sorry for myself. I mean, I feel like I'm...I feel like I'm ... you know...well-adjusted.

Scott: Why, you wouldn't even look at a clock unless hours were lines of coke, dials looked like the signs of gay bars, or time itself was a fair hustler in black leather.

Scott: It's when you start doing things for free, that you start to grow wings. Isn't that right, Mike.
Mike Waters: What?
Scott: Wings, Michael. You grow wings, and become a fairy.

Scott: When you wake up, wipe the slugs off your face. Be ready for a new day!

Mike Waters: I'm a connoisseur of roads. I've been tasting roads my whole life. This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world.

PARENTHOOD

Todd: You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car---hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Todd: Ms Buchman, do you know what a boner is?
Helen: If memory serves.

JOHNNY MNEMONIC

Johnny: I can carry nearly eighty gigs of data in my head.

Johnny: You know, all my life, I've been careful to stay in my own corner. Looking out for number one, no complications. Now suddenly, I'm responsible FOR THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. And everybody and their mother trying to kill me. If, if my head doesn't blow up first.

Jane: Maybe it's not just about you anymore.
Johnny: Listen, you listen to me. See that city over there? That's where I'm suppose to be! Not here with the dogs and the garbage and the last month's newspapers GOING BACK AND FORTH! I've had it with you... I've had it with them... I've had it WITH ALL THIS! I WANT ROOM SERVICE!

Johnny: You can't shoot me.
Takahashi: Not in the head.

Johnny: If I fall, you don't get the head, right? If you lose the head, you're fucked!

© 1997 trinity_reeves76@hotmail.com

---

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page