Log 3165 Lieutenants Log.

The planetoids are thus far unoccupied by settlements, though the planets can support oxygen.

We have come across a distress signal. We were compelled to answer.

"Sir, a distress signal is coming off that moon."

"On screen Mr. Owens." Captain Karnage said

The screen was fuzzy.

"This is Voltaire Sputterspark… Beset by Future Ones for….. Send help."

"Oh my biscuits and gravy. It couldn’t be…" Brian said.

"It’s Voltaire." Frappe said.

Karnage stilled.

"But it can’t be."

****

Flight tied up Static.

"Not so tight. These ropes itch."

"Now Karnage is going to rescue you."

"Are you sure he isn’t going to kidnap me?"

"We’ll be over there in the bushes. He lays a finger on you. We’ll come to the rescue."

"I hope you’re right Flight.

Noelle Muddlefoot appeared on the view screen.

"Status report. Operation Dead in the Water."

"The signal is in place. The bait learning how to be slapped. And The Star Vulture was sighted. 23 million"

They continued practicing the scene. Flight was relishing the part of the evil inquisitor.

"Okay that it from the top."

"So Mr. Sputterspark, it appears we have you and the elludium."

"Sod off Featherhead." Static said. He whispered "sorry Flight I’m just trying to get into character."

Oracle winced at his ineptitude.

"Yeah bud, don’t apologize to me." Flight said.

"I wasn’t going to apologize to Don Karnage I just didn’t want you to get mad at me."

"Let’s try it again."

Oracle turned to the screen and smiled.

"We’re doomed."

***

The Star Vulture landed in the field

"I won’t risk anyone else. I go alone."

"We’ll have the lock on you with the transporter if you run into trouble. I’m not flying until I’ve saved him."

"This smells like a trap. Who ever is in 10 feet of this sight will probably find himself in prison tomorrow. If only we had an incentive."

Don Karnage paced and rolled his black bead bracelet in his had.

"The speed ray."

"What?"

"The Tachyport ray is based on a similar device used to enhance speed. It was originally banned, The criminal known as Negaduck stole the speed ray and used it to age his victims into oblivion."

"So it will kill you? Justin."

"Dolly if I come back here within the next twenty four hours the aging will only be negligable."

Voltaire sat tied in the chair. He tried to get a good look. It was him. Voltaire, dressed in his ceremonial Time Keeper’s garb, fedora, wool suit. Even the shoes. How could the Corporation new how he dressed? He scanned the camp. His sword was being loosely guarded begging Karnage to take it. It was Chantily Lace, Voltaire’s steel kitana. He didn’t draw it. He scooted over using a very small amount of his speed power. He snuck in and grabbed and ran.

It was his guitar. The last time he saw Voltaire alive he was carrying it, strapped on his back like a child. Don Karnage strapped it on. Knowing Voltaire if Justin would have left without it, he would want to come back and kill everyone. Voltaire was unpredictable when it came to defending what he felt was his.

He came up to the site. The winged duck was there

"So Mr. Sputterspark, It appears we have you and the elludium."

"Sod off Featherhead." Voltaire hissed bitterly.

Flight blinked.

"Yes. Well you are our prisoner now."

"Bite me."

He glared hatefully.

"You might get me but you’ll never get Karnage."

The winged duck smacked him.

Voltaire bit him

"Ouch hey."

****

Oracle watched from the bushes.

"Wow nice adlib."

"I guess Static works better on the spur of the moment."

"Must be the adrenalin."

***

"You’ve mouthed off for the last time freak." Flight drew his gun

Don Karnage swooped in and punched Flight out and stepped on his chest.

"Nobody move."

"Time Pirates."

Don Karnage jumped on Flight’s chest and activated his lightsaber. He grabbed Voltaire’s arm.

"Let’s go Tanakai, I don’t appreciate traps. He won’t be asleep for long."

"Okay Um Now?" Voltaire looked over his shoulder.

"Yes now. Hold on Terran."

"No I mean… you guys now."

"Don’t be a hero. The speed ray has effected my fighting skills. And you look like hell. We’ve got to regroup."

"But." Voltaire pulled against him.

"Terran we can’t fight them all of at once. You are so stubborn."

"But we have to stay…"

Don Karnage picked Static up. He winked and disapppeared in a purple blur. Knocking Random and Oracle over as they came to back up.

"Okay what Just happened?" Oracle

"They have Static." Random looked.

"He rescued him on a solo mission?" Oracle said "That fox is crazy." She ran to Flight.

"Flight are you okay?"

"But Mommy I want to ride on the rolly coaster again."

"Snap out of it." She roused him from unconsciousness

"What happened? Where’d they go?"

"Don Karnage ‘rescued’ Static."

"How?"

"He pulled out a device. It made him run really fast. He snatched him."

"You mean like a ______ accelerator."

"A what."

"In 1991, it was a speed ray thing. Hit Darkwing Duck and it caused him to age rapidly."

"Well we’ll worry about how he did it. We’ve got to stop him before he gets back to his ship." Random said.

They rushed to the speeder.

****

Don Karnage skidded to a stop

"I thought they had you for sure." Don Karnage hugged him "Voltaire Sputtersparque, Promise me this is the last time you get me in trouble like that. I missed you, you magnificent rogue you."

"Good to be back?" The voice questioned.

Don Karnage looked in his eyes.

It wasn’t him.

His heart shrank in his chest like all the blood had been sucked out. It was like a kick in the stomach.

This wasn’t Voltaire. This wasn’t his beloved. This had all been a set-up.

Don Karnage realized he was smiling. He kept that grin on his face. He couldn’t balk. He couldn’t let the imposter realize he had been discovered. He would wait till they got to the ship. They rushed to the Star Vulture and blasted off.

****

Don Karnage dropped him as soon as they were in the ship.

He was being tricked.

"Look who’s back."

"Voltaire? Mes amis? Ca va? A red headed bear hugged him ridiculously, and gave him a noogie. "Le Beau ratton et el Frer Rogue Canard."

"They can’t keep a good frog down." Frappucino the ice dog said said. "We gotta get out of here. Strap in."

"But…"

Dolly called in from the intercom.

"Is Voltaire back?"

Don Karnage smiled through his broken heart "Yes. Prepare for jump."

"Okay."

The Bear rattled on in French, very informal french.

"Say pal it’s good to see you again. You brought Buddy?"

Buddy, which one was it?

"My guitar. Oh yeah."

"Dude, It’s going to be so hot to hear you jam again."

"Jam, right." Static nodded and smiled.

Dolly came out of the hall.

"Dolly Quackerwitz of Hikariwa, this is Voltaire Sputterspark."

Dolly stared at the rat.

It was not Voltaire.

She wanted to scream Static right away. But she held her tongue.

"Um Hi Voltaire. It’s good to finally meet you because we’ve never met before. Give me a hug. You are a clan brother."

She grabbed the insane young rat and pulled him to the side.

"Static is that you?" she whispered angrily.

Static’s eyes grew.

"It’s a good thing Thorn didn’t see what you look like. Meet me in the starboard engine after we get out of jump. If you can get away from Justin."

Static waited. The pistons of the ship whirred noisily.

Dolly swung down.

"Hey Dolly."

"It is you. Static."

"I don’t know what-"

Dolly pulled on his ear.

"Ow Ow ow. All right I’m Static."

"You wimp I just pulled on your ear. You have got to be the worst undercover agent ever.

"Well I’m not supposed to be the undercover agent I’m the bait."

"Well then… what are you doing here?" Dolly smacked him in the arm

"I’m not telling you that."

Dolly growled.

"Okay fine I don’t care. You aren’t doing it well. If I can catch on, Thorn will. Let’s just hope Karnage doesn’t find out. If he finds out that you aren’t his real tanakai…"

"What."

"I don’t wanna scare you."

Dolly held his hands "How could you be so stupid?"

"I’m just doing the best I can."

"Look, it’s best that you don’t look at me or try to talk to me. They’ll get suspicious. Stay away from Thorn, she’ll id you in a few seconds. And I hope you know how to play the guitar. Bye Static."

"Dolly."

He chased her down the hall. Running into Frappuchino.

"Hey Voltaire. I’ll bet it’s great being back with The Captain huh?"

"Uh yeah."

"I’m so jealous of you guys. The closest thing I got to a girl in my life is The Vulture. And that right sweetie." He patted the bulkhead. The ship whirred almost as if to agree.

"But don’t listen to the old girl. She is high maintenance though. She’s falling apart half the time. I remember when we found her."

"It’s a day I’ll never forget."

"Yeah. There we were me and Karnage escaping those two French guys. Coloumbe and whatever his name was. And it was there. She was so pretty back then. Hmmm. I remembered when I teleported Brian up here for the first time. What a trip."

"Those were good days, weren’t they." Static said.

Frappe sighed and stared at the person sitting next to him. Where did that come from? Voltaire had never been with them that day. Frappe barely knew Voltaire outside a few hours. He was hiding in the 1950’s in Cape Suzette with Brian’s family when they had found the Star Vulture. Something wasn’t right.

"I guess we have more to catch up on then we thought. Say I heard The Captain saved Buddy. It’s going to be cool to hear you play. It must be pretty good. He says that you’re better than Elvis or something."

"Elvis?"

"Yeah. I heard the phonographs he found. I don’t think that he can play the guitar as good as Buddy Holly but he’s not bad. Course all I know about 20^th music is what Dolly and Brian have told me. And they argue all the time."

Elvis? That was a funny name. He remembered a 13^th century Finlandish king with that name. But Frappe was talking about a musician. He couldn’t play the guitar.

***

Frappe knocked on the Captain’s door.

"Enter." The Captain said quietly.

"I just wanted to come in and tell you nothing is on the Scanners. We should have an easy trip."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Still so quiet.

"Captain. There is something strange about Voltaire."

"No."

"His story is contradictory and he just incriminated himself to me."

"Nothing is strange about that man."

"But…"

"Nothing is strange because he’s not Voltaire."

"He’s not Voltaire? It would make sense, but how-"

"You know Frappe you probably don’t believe this, but when I look into his eyes there is nothing there. None of our love. All I can see is green contact lenses. I think I would recognize him anywhere. I knew before we got on the ship."

"Why didn’t you tell us Captain?"

"I want him on this ship. I want to learn his motivations and intent. If The Future Ones have planted a mole…"

"It would be less risky to just dump him on the next ship skeleton and space him. There’s a long line of derilects on this voyage. He could survive a week here hanging out in the wreckage of one of these ships. Extra air and he could last two."

Don Karnage shook his head. "He stays on this ship, I need to know what he knows."

"You need to punish him?" Frappe said

Don Karnage shook his head "All right I’ll be honest with you. I want that dirty warhog here. I want to watch him squirm, and I want to watch him suffer. He is disgracing the name of my Voltaire. On Mars with the rules of Widowhood beheaded for that."

"Great another bonus for Martian widowers." Frappe sighed. As an ancient Earth creature he couldn’t understand what being a widow meant. The burden and the responsibility and the honor it carried.

"If I were home I would challenge him without question. But here it’s different. You told me yourself the rules of widowhood were old fashioned and medieval. Now I have no idea how I should react, but as long as he’s on the Vulture he can’t escape me."

"You aren’t going to go Ahab on me and throw him out an airlock."

"Justice will be served." Captain Karnage said. "If you will excuse me Frappe I think I need to pray."

"And I think we need to watch that imposter."

Justin smiled.

"Captain I can deal with him, if you don’t think you can…"

"No, Frappe. I’m going to have to deal with him too. We’ll watch him at dinner tonight. If he slips up we can strike."

****

Static wandered around the ship. It was a lot smaller on the inside then it seemed on the outside. It was also pretty empty.

"There you are Terry." The bear caught up with him.

"Boy, you’ve been harder to find than a sharp in Charlie Parker’s piano. I guess you future hybrids are good at getting lost. You and Justin said ‘hello’ yet." He waggled his eyebrows

"What?"

"Okay Okay. None of my business. I just want to say that Karn missed ya. It’ll be good for him now that you’re back. I don’t know how he can be so disciplined. I’d probably pop in the eighth week if I couldn’t get a dame you know. 6 years. He must have camel in him too."

"Right." Static shrugged.

"Well I must confess I don’t know how I’m going to stretch out the food another week with an extra mouth. Especially since it’s less than bite size pieces."

"Why- nOh my tongue."

"Remember that time we were at the diner back in Cape Suzzette and you tried to eat that hamburger and that old lady started screaming. ‘AAAh Demon a hell.’ And she swatted you with her fan. And I tried to stop then she told me I was beatnik communist scum. Man, You forget how many squares we used to have to deal with."

"Yeah." Static said. "Actually I’m not hungry. I’m space sick."

"That’s a drag cat. Real drag. I’m making. I don’t know. I think it used to be freeze dried Chicken Cordon Bleu. I’ll make it into something. It’s a good thing that we’ll have something to look forward to at dinner tonight."

"Dessert?"

"Come on Grenouille. don’t be so modest. That went out with the lace hankie. Your ax, your board."

"My…guitar."

"Yeah." I can’t wait. Teach that Dolly what real music is."

****

Dinner was pretty simple, just something gray soggy and hot in a bowl that could have been chicken. They didn’t seem to complain.

He looked for a seat. It was a small table. He would have really liked to sit next to Dolly and talk to her about what he should do. But she was right she looked at him indifferently. How could she pretend to be so calm?

"Hey Voltaire sit down. We have a lot to catch up on." Frappe said ominously. Static could not read his facial expressions, after all he was really just a collection of iced coffee. He pulled him next to him. Well at least he wasn’t sitting next to Don Karnage who ate silently across from him. Thorn was going to sit down next to him, but Dolly pulled her next to her. Trying to distract her from recognizing Static.

The four sat silently. Eating, Frappe staring at him. Don Karnage staring at him. Dolly doing everything in her power not to stare at him

Brian pulled of his apron. "Well isn’t this cozy? What’s a matter guys? We should be whooping it up. Voltaire is back." Brian noogied him.

"It’s better than I dreamed." Justin said mechanically.

"We have a lot of catching up to do." Frappe said for the third time.

"Dolly do you-" Thorne asked.

"Say why don’t we sans the gray stew and get a little music to swallow this down with." Brian said.

"Oh that’s right, you play electric guitar." Thorn smiled at him. "My grandparents used to listen to that. Well we don’t have amplifiers or synthesizers."

"Nah. Voltaire doesn’t need that." Brian said.

"One of the advantages of being a Sputterspark." Don Karnage smiled. "Unfortunately he can’t decrease his volume as well."

"The louder the better. Hop up Cat. Give us a tune."

Static froze.

"Oh come on Terry."

"Maybe we should wait till after dinner…" Static said.

"Come on. I don’t think cold gray stew is much better than hot gray stew." Brian pushed him.

Static gulped. How was he going to fake playing a guitar? He could bow his legs speak a little French but he couldn’t do this. He was trapped. He stood up on his chair.

"No where is that guitar?"

"On your back, dear." Don Karnage said. "He’s so forgetful."

Static was trembling as he lifted the guitar off his back. They were all staring right at him.

"We’re waiting."

"Hang on I got to tune up. You know. I haven’t played this thing in a while."

Okay how different could a guitar be from a violin? They both had strings. He panicked. He strummed on it. The noise seemed to amplify naturally. His electrical powers must have triggered it. He was shocked at the large noise.

"Okay just a minute." Static giggled nervously.

He had to do something fast they were getting suspicious. If only he had that violin credit card thing. He could create feedback.

"Hey look is the bread moving."

"Not more boll weevils."

They stared at the food. Static pulled out the card pushed the card and created another squeal of feedback. He promptly stopped strumming.

"What’s wrong with the guitar?"

"I think it got overloaded. It can’t be the guitar strings."

The Time Pirates covered their ears.

"Maybe if I-" Static added a subconscious blast causing it to light on fire.

"The circuitry must be old."

"Shut it off." Thorn said.

"Maybe if I" he plucked the string out. It sproinged.

"No it will clear up. Then I can play."

"Voltaire put down the guitar. It’s broken."

Static put down the flaming guitar and secretly turned of the violin card.

Don Karnage dumped his stew on it.

"How could it overload? I just had it tuned." Static said partly relieved but still sounding upset." I traveled to LA 1976 to get it fixed."

"Drat." Frappe said.

"I’m sorry about you ax man. Buddy was great. Oh well you can always play an old style guitar, if we find one in the Graveyard." Brian said.

"I guess we’ll have to wait."

"Man you make Chuck Berry sweat Voltaire my man. Say you heard that new guy. Elvis. Man alive he rocks.

"Oh great. More Elvis."

"Elvis is going to the hottest thing in Rock and Roll. I’m telling you."

"Rock’n’roll is dead. Rap is going to live forever. 6pack Shakur, Dog Snoopy Snoop, Dr. Dry..."

"Dog Snoopy Snoop? Man it’s just some guy talking into a microphone and squealing records."

"You’ve got them started." Don Karnage chuckled. "Frankly we have no control of what music shall live beyond us. Though Mozart."

"Oh brother. Here we go."

I’m not ignorant of the nature of music. I’ve studied all the great periods. 20^th century popular music. 21^st century disestabille, 27^th century tonal movements. You develop a greater appreciation for all music when you study it. I studied voice for-"

"10 years. Yeah we know Captain I feel like I’ve hearing this story for ten years. Mozart wasn’t a singer anyway."

The three began arguing about music as Static crept out. Only Thorn noticed him leave.

****

Static ran into his quarters, and slammed the shut button.

He loosened his tie, as he crashed on the bed.

This undercover stuff was hard work. He almost killed himself breaking that guitar. He couldn’t keep this up, but he had to.

At least he wouldn’t have to worry about it until morning.

****

After dinner Thorn knew she had to find Don Karnage before it was too late. She knew who this imposter was. He would be crushed.

"I thought that guitar thing would get him for sure." Frappe said to Karnage in the hall.

"Captain. I have to tell you something about Voltaire."

"It’s not him." Karnage asked.

"How did you know I was going to say that?"

"He lied about finding the Star Vulture."

"His eyes are different." Don Karnage said.

"I’m sorry Justin."

"It’s all right Thorne. I guess he is just dead." He said. She patted him on the shoulder.

"The important thing is do you recognize him?" Frappe asked.

"I think he’s one of the Future Ones. He’s so agitated that I can’t read him well. And he’s electrical. The only other electrical being I know is that boy who works for the Future Ones. Static Sputterspark."

"The Sputtersparques." Don Karnage turned his head. "He’s a Sputterspark?

"What’s so special about that?"

"I didn’t know they were in your timeline too. The Sputtersparques are the ruling clan of Earth in my world. Voltaire is the heir, the only survivor of the line."

Frappe sighed "We’ve tangled with the Sputtersparques before. They tried to kill us. It was before you joined Thorne."

"So you are in love with the son of our enemies? No wonder you don’t like talking about him." Thorne said.

"He is the black sheep of the family, because he was half Martian." Don Karnage said "He understood what it felt like, to some degree."

"Who knows now?"

"Well we do now."

"What about Brian and Dolly?"

Brian came down the hall.

"What’s with the Squirrel Scout Jamboree girls?"

"SHhh."

"Brian there is something we have to tell you."

"Captain I didn’t want to say anything at dinner but…"

"Brian."

"Captain let me go first. I insist…"

"Brian."

"It’s not Voltaire" they said simultaneously.

"It’s someone else." Frappe said

"Static Sputterspark, is our first guess." Thorne said.

"I can’t believe it’s not him. Except when he speaks. His accent is so Provencal. You know. Like he’s fresh of the boat from the Marseilles Academy of Good Manners or something." Brian said. "Voltaire never spoke like that. That is not my friend. That is some scurvy low down no good polecat. So let’s throw him in the brig."

"I want him to confess first." Don Karnage said.

"We could always get out the Talaxian device. That’d scare the sugar out of him." Brian said vengefully "Or the thumbscrews or anything. That jerk would be lucky if we don’t chuck him out an airlock. Spying on us stealing our secrets."

"Brian." Thorne tsked.

"I’m sorry. I just get riled up."

Don Karnage smiled.

"I got an idea that would really scare him."

"What laser torture?"

"We’re pirates not savages. You got that bottle of Cetterok Rum?"

"Yeah. It’s about the last thing I haven’t cooked.

"Alcohol isn’t a reliable truth extraction method." Frappe said

"Oh not when it’s coupled with effective seduction techniques. I think I’m just going to go down into his quarters and have a nice long evening with my beloved Voltaire."

"But he’s-" Brian asked

Don Karnage smiled.

"You’re going to-" Thorn said

"He’d be so lucky. I don’t care if he does look like him, he’s not Voltaire. But why shouldn’t I have a little romantic interlude with the man I love."

"Push the envelope and see how far this imposter is willing to go." Frappe "I can’t say I don’t approve."

"I’ll get him distracted and you capture him.

Static heard the door chime.

****

He pulled himself out of bed, still in his shabby suit. The Time Pirates didn’t even have sheets on the beds. He couldn’t even sleep. The door chimed

"Who could it be? It’s after midnight."

Don Karnage was at the door.

"Hello tanakai." he said unbelievably relaxed, almost purring.

"Hi Captain Karnage." Static said. It was getting easier to mask his fear. He would have to. Voltaire and Karnage were pretty close, from what everyone said, even if it didn’t make much sense.

"What are you doing here so late?" Static asked innocently.

"How could I sleep knowing you were in your big empty quarters, all alone with nobody to keep you company? Do you want me to enter?"

"Well that’s sweet." Static was kind of tired, but he had to be polite.

"Want a little night cap? To help you relax." He said holding the rum up.

Voltaire drank too? Wow, this Voltaire guy could have been his negaverse self.

"No thanks. I’m fine."

"Come on, your favorite." Karnage said.

"Well okay." Static shrugged.

"I’ll go get the glasses." Don Karnage winked.

Static wondered if he had something in his eye.

As Don Karnage reached into the cupboard.

"I missed you Tanakai."

Static smiled friendly.

"Did you miss me?"

"Sure thing Cap’n. We’re terim tanakai. Yeah." Static said trying to be as macho and tough as Voltaire would be. Don Karnage smiled, taking of his wide war belt and setting it on the bed.

"Terim Tanakai." They clinked glasses.

He grabbed Static’s gloved hand and placed his other arm on his shoulder.

"Why don’t we sit down?" Don Karnage pushed him to the bed and sat behind him.

Static had the strangest feeling he was missing something very important.

"Oh look at you." Don Karnage rested him hand on his thigh "You’re so tense, all over." Don Karnage crawled behind him "Here let me."

The fox knelt on the bed and placed his gloved hands on his shoulders and began rubbing.

"There we go." Don Karnage said "Does that make you feel good?"

"Say you’re pretty good." Static said.

"So I’ve been told." Don Karnage almost laughed.

This guy was a really considerate. It was hard to believe that this was the same guy who captured ships and terrorized the space ways, and…

Don Karnage began running his hands all along Static’s entire back.

"No you don’t have to give me a whole back rub." Static said.

Karnage really wasn’t listening. He let out this strange humming sighing noise.

"I missed you so much."

His hands reached Static’s collar, he began unbuttoning the top buttons.

Static had to make sure at first and didn’t even react until the first button was open.

"Umm Captain are you undressing me?"

"Of course I am."

"Why are you-"

He looked back into Don Karnage’s sleepy ravenous eyes, his long muzzle nestling into the nape of his neck

"Uh oh."

Static fell off the bed, and Karnage collapsed.

"Whoops. Sorry Karnage, I dropped my glasses."

"On your face dear. You are so forgetful." Don Karnage stretched out on the bed seductively, as if he was ready to pounce him. Static skittered to the corner of the room

"Uh Uh. Yeah. Here they are."

"Oh how I’ve missed your fiery and gentle embrace."

"Embrace?" Static’s voice cracked. "ummmmmm"

Karnage pounced off the bed into the corner. Knocking him over. The pirate crawled over him.

"Kiss me."

"Um."

Static’s mind was turning into a rabid pack of ferrets. Is this what tanakai meant? He was going to hurt Flight.

Static crawled away as subtley as he could.

Don Karnage crawled after him on his hands and knees.

"See this is what I mean, you’re so tense. When was the last time someone gave you a tail massage."

"Tail Massage?" Static squeaked.

"I know how tense you get in that region. Let me-"

Static clutched his tail.

"No thanks Captain."

"Please, it’s my pleasure."

Static yanked his tail away from him.

"No thank you. My tail is fine." Static backed into the wall.

Don Karnage placed his hands along his tail. They fought over it like a baseball bat, playing hand over hand. The pirate yanked his tail

"Stop it that tickles."

Don Karnage yanked his tail and spun him into his arm. He wretched Static’s hand free from his tail and kissed it tenderly.

"Take off those silly glasses. I missed looking into your pretty green eyes."

Don Karnage took of his glasses and placed the stem in his mouth as he took off his eye patch and draped it over Static’s nose. He gnawed on the stem seductively.

Static wriggled free. Whoa Don Karnage had two eyes? No wonder he wore his eye patch on different eyes. The only defect was that his left eye wandered slightly. Especially when he was excited

This thought was cut off when Don Karnage draped himself on the bed again.

"Look Don Karnage. I’m -I’m just really tired, I really should just." He fake yawned. "Yeah I need a good nights sleep." He headed for the door.

Don Karnage was waiting there already. Static gasped.

"You have your little electricity tricks, babe, and I got mine."

Don Karnage placed his hand on Static’s chest.

It was more than just lust. He still must have been effected by the tachyportation ray he zapped himself with.

"How did you do that?"

"I haven’t taken the antidote for the speed ray. I’m still a little frisky."
He grabbed his hand again and kissed it.

"I really am exhausted. Very." Don Karnage kissed his wrist "Very tired." He yanked his hand away so fast he swatted himself in the face.

Don Karnage backed him into the wall "Your heart is racing. Your heart’s blood is coursing through your body like our love. I can feel it. You’re much to excited to sleep tonight."

Static found himself backed against another wall.

"Oh great."

"You seem different tonight, my tanakai." Don Karnage petted his face.

"How so?" Static quietly.

"You are nervous."

"I’m not nerv…" he gulped "nervous. I’m just tired."

"I’m not Thorne, but I can tell how you are feeling."

Static thanked God that he couldn’t.

"You’re mad at me. You don’t want me to touch you." Don Karnage dropped his hands.

Why hadn’t it occurred to him before? Just get Karnage out of that room.

"Yes Yes. I’m mad… You jerk."

Don Karnage walked to the other side of the room, looking quite upset. He placed his face in his hands.

"I should have know. I understand. I can be a nuisance sometimes. It’s just I love you so much. No matter what you think."

Static felt bad for decieving the fox, but he had to get out of there.

"Um Of course I’m mad at you." Static tried to pretend to stay angry instead of terrified. He had to get out of that fix somehow.

"It’s because of what happened on Belsicron 7 isn’t it?"

"What else could it be?" Static crossed his arms.

"Look I tried everything to save you. I thought you were gone already. Do you know how hard it was to leave you…" Don Karnage stared at him, tearfully.

"Excuses excuses."

"Voltaire forgive me." He grabbed his hands again.

"Well you can’t change the past." He threw down the hands in a gesture of righteous indignation. "You expect me to forget what happened. I’ll never forget what happened on Belsicron 7 as long as I live." Static inched for the door.

"Voltaire…"

"You abandoned me. I thought you had at least some respect for me. But you expect me to… after all this. I can’t stand to be in the same room with you."

"Beloved."

"Ooh I can’t just forgive you that easily. Get out."

Don Karnage picked up his war belt and trudged towards the door

"Please can’t we just forgive each other. Can’t we just-"

Don Karnage placed his arms around Static and dipped him towards the ground.

"Kiss and make up?"

"WHAT?"

Don Karnage kissed him ferociously until his ears uncurled. His hat fell off.

"MMmmph." Static tried to protest.

Static felt Karnage’s tongue in his mouth, he tried to scream for help, but his vocal chords were otherwise engaged as Karnage engaged in some freaky tongue aerobics. Static was sure he would choke.

Don Karnage finally let go of the struggling young rat. He went running for the open door.

Revealing the Time Pirates.

"Keep that crazy fox away from me. Yuck Yuck." he spit

"Nice Eyepatch, imposter." Brian said. The bear armlocked him.

"Right yes I’m an imposter. I’m a spy, okay. I was sent by Future Ones. Put me in the brig, yuck, just get me away."

"You confess everything then." Don Karnage said sternly, wiping his mouth

"You knew?" Dolly asked.

"You don’t think I know my own Tanakai when I see him?"

"I knew you future ones would be tricky, I never realized you’d resort to mental torture." Don Karnage said. "I see your association with the Corporation has made you less scrupulous. Willing to try anything to hurt and destroy the Revolution. Well tell your friends at HQ, that I’ll give my life but not my sanity."

Don Karnage grabbed his nose, trying to peel off his mask.

"Owww."

"What do you really look like?"

Static panicked.

"This is me. I just have blue eyes."

"What should we do to him?" Frappe asked.

"He’s a pathetic spy. I didn’t even take of my shirt. Send him down to the brig. Detain him."

They dragged Static off. He closed the door behind him

****

Noelle Muddlefoot walked into the interrogation room. "There is something wrong with this machine. The name that Voltaire gave us is a fake Justin D'Hikariwa. Nothing on him in the files." "The Talaxian device is imperfect I suggest we use the higher levels to get more effective results." "We need him to rat Karnage out. I need testimony. We've got to get positive confirmation that Karnage was connected with the Saturn Heist. Even if you have to fire his brain to mush." "This is only the second session

"Session two with the Talaxian Mind control device. Hello Mr. Grenouille How are we doing today?"

"Pluck you Muddlefoot."

"One minute into the session and subject is unruly and belligerent. Keep going."

"We have some more questions about Don Karnage."

"Why bother? I don’t know anything about Don Karnage and I can’t lie. It seems a waste."

"We’ll be the judge of that Dr. Cud increase level 3."

"Yes Mrs Muddlefoot."

"Now where is the location of the Base."

"Up the block, two blocks down at the-Go to Seaworld."

"I don’t get it. It should be at level three. He didn’t even resist at level two."

"But I can tell you the truth about one thing Muddlefoot, I’m going to kill you."

"I think you should pay more attention to what your prisoners are doing."

Voltaire stood up.

Voltaire held her at knife point. "And that’s the truth."

"Cut me out. We’re all having a great time here."
"Hold your fire, Dr. Cud."

"Voltaire. This is stupid you won’t make it out alive." Noelle said.

"That may be. But I made it in when no one thought I could. I think it’s time for a little payback. Dr. Cud was it."

He slapped the device on her forehead. "If you don’t run this thing I will. And what I’ve heard that this machinery is delicate, and I don’t want to blow up her brain."

Cud huddled and ran to the machine.

"I don’t give two plucks what you want with Karnage and Mars. I just want one simple question. Where’d they go?"

"Who?"

"The kid with my mug."

"What?"

"That little brat with my face. Where…"
"You won’t get away with this."

"Where?"

"After your buddy, Don Karnage. We’re using him to bait a trap for the Time Pirates. Ship Graveyard."

"What are you talking about? I don’t know Karnage."

"Then why did you tell us his name?"

"What? Lady I don’t remember what I said. What did I say?"

"We questioned you for five hours. Anything that might incriminate Don Karnage. Even if we had to cut corners. We were surprised when you gave us his name."

"What’s his name then? Cause I'd like to know." Voltaire laughed

Noelle tried to resist "This is classified information"

Voltaire snapped his fingers. Cud turned up the talaxian device.

"Justin Hikariwa, plus a lot of gibberish involving noble titles. Baron Du coxcombe, Terror of Io. We assumed it was an effect of the device."

"But he doesn't exist does he."

"It's a fake name. How did you resist the Device?"

"You’ve got to get that thing checked. Justin is gone. He couldn’t be him. I must have been hallucinating. i told you that thing would mess up my brain."

"Where am I?" Noelle asked.

"You told me everything. You know fake evidence won't hold up in court."

"You stupid..." Noelle screeched.

"And give up you're search for Justin of Hikariwa. He's dead."

"Who was he then?

"That’s… It’s an old flame of mine."

"I’ll say. Old flamer maybe." Dr. Cud laughed.

A second later Dr. Cud was lying face first, looking for his teeth on the floor.

"What have you been doing here?"

"Looking for Karnage. I’m under contract of the McDucke corporation. You know a man named Muster. That Jackass gave me this joke of a file and expects me to find the jerk."

"Muster. Of course."

"As of yet I’m hunting him."

"You’re an assassin?"

"Hmm. I do that. It’s not who I am."

"Who hired you?"

"A little dark suit snit named Muster."

" I wish Muster would keep me out of his dirty work. I have reputation to uphold. I can’t be seen with scum. The Director will get suspicious. It’s one thing to hire an assassin, but the old goat is getting suspicious about this Grain Heist."

"Of course Muddlefoot. Let not me see the wound my knife makes." Voltaire said "Personally I don’t like dealing with scum either. But I needed to stop you."

"Well You’re going to have to vanish. I’ll facilitate your escape immediately. We can clear your name, get you on the case.…"

"Or how about I just kick down some doors, kidnap a few hostages and merrily roll along into infamy as the only criminal to escape SHUSH custody."

"What? I am not letting you harm my agents."

"Oh I won't hurt anyone unless they bug me." Voltaire said.

"You are in no position to negotiate."

"Neither are you. You have a loose interpretation of the law. Fake evidence, torturing people to the point of insanity. I'd like to see you get a job as a crossing guard if I told your director what you did to me."

"I could escape by myself. I'd do it anyway. I’m just giving myself the permission to pull my punches. Whatever you did to my brain with your toaster oven took it out of me. Not to mention the excuse for lunch you have in this place."

"Okay. Fine. I’ll be your hostage. I won't let you hurt anyone else."

"I pick my hostages well."

"Cram it Sputterspark. I’ve eaten guys bigger than you for breakfast." The old lady snarled. "Just because I got a few wrinkles here and there doesn’t mean I can’t take you."

"I’ll remember that."

"My sword."

"All right."

"And I want to stow away on the ship those four are leaving on. I got some unfinished business."

"Oracle. You sure know how to make people hate you."

"They stole my guitar. I would like it back."

"We can buy you …"

"No not my guitar. One of a kind Gibson 3000 autographed by the main man himself. Buddy Holly. Unless you got some connections that can raise the dead. I want after them."

"Done. But if you get caught by FO, I can’t rescue you again."

"Pleasure doing business with you."

Voltaire headlocked the old woman, and kicked the unconscious doctor aside.

The two guards gasped.

"I get out of here or Miss Muddlefoot takes a dirt nap."

Noelle stared "Drop your weapons."

The agents froze.

"You heard her. Drop them." Noelle ordered

The agents set down their weapons.

Voltaire threw his lunch off the table "Tell the chef the green beans are soggy."

He flicked his tongue and caught a few.

"Let’s go."

Voltaire lead the old duck in front of him.

"Hold your fire until she gives the word."

****

Static was tied up in the Time Pirates ship. Found out as a spy. At least it couldn’t get any worse.

Dolly showed up.

"Dolly? Could you scratch my ear?"

"Oh Static. You are the biggest most L7…" she scratched his ear.

"L7?"

"It’s something Brian says."

"Did they send you to question me or something?"

"No we don’t rely on torture. Not like you guys."

Static grumbled.

"At least you could have acted a little more like him."

"How does this Voltaire act then?"

"I don’t know. I never met him. Well he’s brave, but not in the way you are. He’s brave and smart. He’s a fierce warrior. I mean he’s really clever too. But he’d never spazz out at the first sign of trouble, or join the Future Ones. He’s nobodies’ fool. He says."

"Well if he's so great why are you even bother talking to me." Static snapped. She looked at him hurt

"Fine then see if I care sheep."

"I am not a sheep. You you..."

Dolly turned on her heel "I'll be back when you can think of a smooth comeback."

Dolly turned around nearly immediately " I can forgive you. It's just I hate seeing Justin like this. He's so sad."

"He seemed angry to me and kind of horny."

"Justin loves Voltaire. They grew up together. They’ve saved each other in battle. Losing Voltaire is what made Justin become Don Karnage."

"I don’t get it. I met Voltaire and he’s not that great. He’s just some jerk who goes breaking bokken over people’s heads and drinking alcoholic beverages."

"You never met him."

"Yeah I did. He’s just some stupid jerk."

"Voltaire is dead. A woman killed him when he was on Mars. When he was seventeen."

"Well then who is the guy who is sitting in the SHUSH prisoner detainment unit."

"It’s probably just an imposter like you."

"Wait I can prove he’s there."

"How?"

"Voltaire is a hybrid like me. Except he’s got frog genes too right?"

"Yes. His father was half frog."

"And he hates it when people call him Terry or Terran."

"Yeah."

"What are you trying to prove?"

"Voltaire is still alive."

Don Karnage entered the room.

"You are lying."

"It’s true." Static said strangely calm.

"You’re trying to save your own hide." Don Karnage

"How did you find me?"

"The French." Brian said

"I sensed it." Thorne said.
"You lied about the Vulture." Frappe

"Your eyes." Don Karnage sighed.

"And you’re a much better kisser than Voltaire."

The Time Pirates stared at him.

"Oh you know how kissing a frog is." Don Karnage said incredulously.

Brian nodded. Their eyes fell on Brian.

"Not Voltaire. No I knew this French chick Fantine."

"But what really clenched it was Belsicron 7 incident."

"Why?"

"There was no Belsicron 7 incident. I read the name off the cognac label."

The Time Pirates laughed.

"I wondered why Voltaire would be upset by where I bought my wine. Perhaps you prefer burgundy."

"Boy, I’m the worst undercover spy in the history of the universe." Static sighed.

"I’ll give you one chance to defend yourself. Why?"

"We were just trying to turn the tables on you guys for sending Voltaire."

"You know the media is just getting too sensational for my tastes. Now we can raise the dead." Brian said.

"He’s not dead. I’ve seen him. He came to SHUSH academy pretending to be me. He beat up my friends. So we came to the Time Pirates to try to do the same thing."

"Listen to him. I think he’s telling the truth." Dolly said

"Dolly don’t be naieve. He’s a spy." Frappe said "He’s trained to lie."

"He wasn’t trained not to be a spazz and get caught. Besides why would he lie now."

 "He could be a red herring, convincing me that my Tanakai was still alive."

"But he is. He says his name is Voltaire. If he’s the same guy it’s him. Maybe it’s not your Voltaire. He sounds so different."

"Maybe you’re right." Dolly said to no one in particular..

"I won’t hear this nonsense. When you are ready to confess then we’ll talk. And I’d seriously consider talking under your free will. The Talaxian device is very unstable."

"You aren’t going to… Justin you can’t." Dolly said "That would make us no better than the Corporation. Why don’t we just get out the iron maiden or the bullwhip?"

"What would you know about it, girl?" Don Karnage snarled at her. He regretted it immediately

"Dolly. Leave. I’ll talk to you later."

"I’m not going to let you do this Justin. This isn’t you."

"Go Dolly."

Brian grabbed Dolly’s hand.

"Don’t do it."

Justin walked up to him.

"You think that I don’t want to believe you. I can’t believe you. It’s broken my heart too many times trying to accept his death. I will not have you make a mockery of it."

"I want to believe everything you say. I wanted you to be him. You have his face, but you will never have his soul. Just tell me the truth."

"I swear on the Time Keepers Oath, that I saw Voltaire."

If Voltaire was who he said he was, and Justin did love him, he would know what that meant. Justin stared at him. He ripped off his glove. Revealing a medium sized diamond.

"He gave this to me. And I said it reminded me of him. Pale and bright like the lightning in his eyes. With heart of light only a true diamond can possess, my most precious jewel. It was the symbol of the strength of our love. That would last beyond death."

Static sat

"I have worn it everyday since he placed it on my hand, and kissed me and told me he would love me forever."

"Can you ever know what it is like to lose someone who you love that much?"

Static looked at the fox up close for the second time that day. His eyes were filled with such pain, like he had killed someone he loved all over again.

"I’m sorry." Static said with all of his heart.

"We shall deal with this later. You shall remain here until I decide how to deal with you."

"But do you believe me?"

"I don’t know what to believe."

Don Karnage left.