When Elizabeth awoke she had to adjust her eyes to the small amount of light coming in through the one window in the room. She stirred slightly and turned toward Lucky, watching him sleep beside her. He was lying on his stomach, one arm draped protectively across her. She touched his arm lightly and shook him to wake him. "Lucky?"
He awoke with a start was disoriented for a moment. He looked at Elizabeth, his eyes revealing that he had suddenly remembered where they were. "Elizabeth...are you okay?"
She nodded and said quietly. "I think so. I thought I was going to die."
Lucky pulled her close, relieved that she was no longer in the nearly catatonic state she appeared to be in the night before. He held her close and ran his hand through her hair, "I'm not going to let you die. Are you feeling better than you were last night?"
She looked away from him and lowered her eyes. "Lucky...if anything, I think last night should have shown you that he can do whatever he wants. He can kill me if he wants to, and he can do it in front of you. He almost did. I know you want to protect me and save me Lucky, but I won't hate you if you can't. I could never hate you. I know you're only human, and I know you love me. That's enough. If I die at least I know that."
Lucky put his hands on the sides of her face and said gently. "I do love you, Elizabeth. I don't ever want you to doubt that. Do I have to keep telling you that I am not going to let you die? I'll die protecting you if I have to."
"No!" Elizabeth sat upright in the blankets, her eyes wide. "No Lucky, don't say that. Please don't ever say that!"
"But it's true. I would never let anything happen to you. That's why I came here alone. I couldn't risk your life by calling my Dad or Sonny."
She closed her eyes and leaned away from him, her voice desperate when she finally spoke. "Lucky...why didn't you call them?"
"Because Tom told me not to tell anyone or something would happen to you. I couldn't take that risk."
"Oh God." Elizabeth dropped her face in her hands and her shoulders began to shake.
He pulled her close again. "Elizabeth...it's okay. It's going to be okay"
"You always say that."
"I know I do. But I really mean it. I just know that God doesn't intend for us to die here."
She said nothing as he lifted her face to his and looked into his eyes for a long time. Finally she reached up and pulled his head close to hers, kissing him deeply on the mouth. Lucky was shocked at first, but soon he was returning her kiss, his tongue finding hers as they kissed more desperately. Elizabeth slipped her hand inside Lucky's began to caress his chest with one hand while trying to unbutton his shirt with the other.
Suddenly he pulled away from her, his breathing hard, and gently he put his hands on her arms and pushed her away a little. "Elizabeth, we can't do this here. Not now. Remember we want our first time to be special. I know it would be special anywhere, but I just don't think this is the right time or place."
She dropped her eyes away from his. "I know that Lucky...but this might be our only chance. We might not have another, and I don't want to die without..." She stopped but still did not look at him again.
He lifted her face so that she would have to look at him and whispered, "I love you, Elizabeth, and there's nothing that I want more than to make love to you. We WILL get another chance, and when we do, it's going to be so beautiful. This just isn't the right place."
She jerked away from him angrily. "I don't care, Lucky. I don't care where we are anymore. It was fine when we had the luxury to decide, but we don't anymore. Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Her voice became louder and she sounded angry. "Can't you see? He's going to kill us!!"
"Elizabeth...please…" Lucky tried to touch her, to pull her back to him, but she pulled her arm from his hand and turned away from him, crying. "Elizabeth, don't do this, please."
Suddenly she turned back to him and she looked ashamed and embarrassed. "Lucky, I'm....I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you like that. It's just...I just....I'm afraid. I know that he's going to play with us until he gets tired of us and then...I just wanted...I just wanted us to have something beautiful before that."
Lucky put his hands on her shoulders and this time she did not pull away. "I know, sweetie. I know you're scared. So am I. But I promise you that when we get out of here we will have something beautiful. It will be soon, Elizabeth." He pulled her close again and she laid her head against his shoulder as he buried his face in her hair.
"I hate what he does to me."
Lucky looked at her and said, "'I hate what he does to you, too. I wanted to kill him last night."
"If I hadn't been tied up, I would have killed him."
"If I hadn't been tied up I would have. I wish I had back when I had the chance." She pulled away from him and drew her knees up under her chin. "I should have killed him when I had the chance....if I'd only known."
"You couldn't have known that he would do this, Elizabeth...and I wouldn't want you to kill him and have to live with that for the rest of your life. If you killed someone it would haunt you forever."
"Not someone, Lucky. HIM. Not a human being. I think I could live with that."
"Well, all the same, I'm glad you didn't kill him."
She stared at him, her eyes confused, searching his. "I don't understand you at all sometimes."
He looked at her, shocked, and he felt hurt by her outburst. "What do you mean?"
"I've wanted nothing more than to be able to wrap my hands around his throat for days now...to watch him die right before my eyes. And you're glad I didn't kill him? After all that he's done...all that he's doing?"
"Listen, you misunderstood me, Elizabeth. I want him dead just as much as you do for all the vile things he's done to you. But I'm only thinking about you. I know a little about what it feels like to kill someone from the things my dad has told me. He told me no matter how much you hate the person, it still messes you up for life "
She laughed bitterly. "And my life's not messed up now."
"One day you'll understand what I'm trying to tell you, when you're thinking more clearly"
Her voice was sharp when she responded. "I AM thinking clearly, Lucky."
Lucky sighed. "Elizabeth, please, I don't want us to fight. I just want us to try to figure out a way to get out of here, to get away from him."
She looked at him and her face fell. "I don't want to fight either. See, this is just another thing he does....God, I hate him."
"Come here. Let's call a truce." He put his arms around her and kissed her softly on the lips. She kissed him back gently, without any of the fervor of earlier and rested her head against his chest. After a long while she took a deep breath. "I've never been normal. Not ever. But when I think about how I am now, I feel like I was normal then, before the rape. I was confused and angry a lot, but it all seems like it was for nothing now. So petty and childish, meaningless. Because now...now one minute I'll feel all strong and confident, the next I feel like I'm being torn into a million pieces and I don't know how to feel or what to think. Every time I think I've got myself together he's there and it starts all over again and I don't have a chance and he's just going to keep doing it again and again and again until I can't take it anymore. Until he breaks me completely and I don't know why. I don't know why he chose me. I don't know anything anymore...."
He felt the tears welling in his eyes as he lifted her face to his. "You know one very important thing, maybe the most important thing. I love you and I'll always love you. The rest doesn't matter, you know, because we have something that few other people will ever find in their lifetime. As for why he chose you, you'll probably never know the answer to that...he's just sick and twisted, Elizabeth...I think you were just there...it wasn't because of anything you did."
"I know that. And of course I know you love me." She moved her head, and suddenly grimaced in pain. She gently touched her neck. "Ow. My neck hurts."
"Let me look at it." He pushed her hair back so he could look at the knife wound. It's not very deep, and it looks a little better than last night already."
"Last night..." she said faintly as she shuddered against him.
He put his hand on her face and said softly, "Are you okay?"
She pulled away from him slightly and tucked her hair behind her ear as she looked up at Lucky. "Yeah, I'm okay. Now..."
"Well, I know you weren't okay last night. I was afraid you had shut down emotionally again. Do you remember any of it?"
Her face clouded. "I remember....I remember some of it. I was so angry at him...I think I could have killed him then with my bare hands. That whole time he was taunting us....what he was doing to you...I couldn't stand it..."
"I don't care what he does to me, Elizabeth, don't you know that? But it touches me to know that you do, it does. But you also have to know that I don't care about myself here. I hate the things he's done to you, the things he's taken away from you."
She smiled at him sadly. "You sound like me. I mean...I don't care about myself here either, only you. I don't care if he kills me...I mean it scares me a little bit...but it upsets me a lot more to know he might hurt you or kill you. And watching him use me just to torment you...Oh God." She put both her hands in her hair and squeezed it with her fists.
He took her hands in his and whispered softly, "I guess that's what real love is all about isn't it? Being selfless and only caring about the safety and well being of the other person."
She nodded, and her eyes filled with tears. "I guess I'm in love with you then...because all I do is think about you and worry about you...and I'm so afraid for you...If he hurts you...." She put her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.
"I know, Elizabeth. I feel the same way about you."
"I thought he was going to kill me last night. I thought he was killing me."
"I was afraid of that, too"
"But he didn't..."
She let him go and sat back, hugging her knees to her chest again. "When he started cutting me....I thought he was going to cut my throat. It was like when he was raping me...I could feel myself almost leaving my body, taking myself away. Like I was just shutting down. But then I kind of realised I was still here...but it was like everything was in a haze. I couldn't really hear anything and everything looked foggy. I couldn't get my thoughts together. And the only thing I could really concentrate on was the fact that I could still taste his blood in my mouth from when I bit him. And all I could think about then was getting it out, like it was some kind of obsession or something. So when he left us in the room...I remember running to the bathroom and turning on the water and trying to wash my mouth...but after that it's like I completely blanked out. I can't remember it..."
"I knew you weren't there with me last night. I took care of you though...."
She smiled, "You always take care of me, Lucky."
"I cleaned your wounds and I held you until you went to sleep. Do you remember me singing to you? I just wanted you to go to sleep and get some rest."
"No, I don't remember. But I can imagine." She took his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you, Lucky. For everything."
"Elizabeth, I will always take care of you, but you know, you don't really need me to do that. You're strong and you can take care of yourself. That's why I was so afraid you had shut down last night. And that's why I'm so glad that you didn't. I think you were just exhausted. You hadn't slept since he took you had you?"
"Not really. You know I have trouble sleeping when I'm really upset, except when you're with me. It's always been that way...and I guess it will be forever...right?"
He nodded and touched her face with his hand. "Forever, Elizabeth...and even after that."
She smiled a real smile this time but he could still see the sadness and fear behind her eyes. She sighed deeply. "Lucky, I think I'm going to take a shower. I haven't for so long, and I know I'm so dirty. All this...all this blood." She got to her feet shakily. "And when I come back...you said you brought brownies, right?"
He smiled, too. "Yes I did...made them myself, too."
"Well, if I can make them I guess you can too." She wrinkled her nose at him and went into the bathroom.
He called after her in a hurt voice. "Hey, I've made brownies before you know...pretty damn good ones too."
When she did not respond and only closed the door behind her he could not help but laugh quietly to himself. He wandered around the room, thinking to himself that there had to be a way out of there. His gaze lifted to the one window in the room, high on the wall, near the ceiling. If he could lift Elizabeth up there, maybe, just maybe, she could open it and he could push her through and at least she could escape. It was even possible that he could hoist himself up to the window and follow her. It was worth a try. He began to get excited about his plan and he could not wait for Elizabeth to come out of the bathroom so he could tell her.