As soon as I closed the bathroom door behind myself, I slid to the floor against it, unable to hold the tears back any longer. Now that Lucky could no longer see me, I could once again give way to the sorrow that clogged my throat and threatened to suffocate me. But when I was with him…I knew I had to pretend to be strong and brave and not frightened. I could see how much it upset him to know how scared I was. We had vowed once what seemed so long ago to never keep secrets from each other. This wasn't the same was it? Wasn't it something I had to do? We had never planned for anything like this, had never imagined being in this situation. Never even dreamed that we might be about to die together. No, it was not wrong for me to pretend. Not if it would help Lucky and give him hope.
I dragged myself to my feet and began to undress, grimacing as I peeled the grimy clothes from my body. I hadn't realized how dirty I'd gotten. To take my mind off things, as I stepped into the shower I allowed myself to indulge in imaginings of shampoo and clean clothes and being outside. Feeling strong again. Running. Being in my room and having Lucky come through the window. Having a big fluffy clean towel to wrap up in as I turned off the water and got out.
I didn't even want to touch my clothes again, but there was nothing to do but dry off with them the best I could anyway. At last I was ready, and I took a deep breath before I fixed a smile on my face and opened the door. Lucky was sitting on the blankets.
"I'm ready for that brownie now," I said as brightly as I could. The truth was I had been without food for so long that my stomach seemed closed to it. I had forgotten to ask Lucky how many days it had been since I was taken. Lucky knew that I was weak, but I didn't want him to know just how much. I felt as though I was becoming paper-thin, and that soon he would be able to see through me.
He grabbed his backpack and rummaged around inside it for a brownie, and handed it to me as I folded myself onto the blankets next to him. "While you were in the shower, I was looking around for a way out of here, and I have an idea."
I felt my heart stop in my chest for a second, but I covered it with a facade of calm as I took the brownie from him. "Oh really? What?"
He looked thoughtful as he bit into a brownie himself. "Well, I was looking around the room and I thought maybe I could lift you up and you could open the window, and hopefully climb out of it."
I looked up at the small window several feet above us, and felt nearly sick with disappointment. "That window? Lucky...it's so high..."
"I know, but I think I can lift you up high enough to try and open it." I took small bites of the brownie, one part of my brain finding it strange that for some reason eating was making me feel slightly ill. "What about you? How will you get up there?"
He smiled. "I'm still trying to work that one out...but, hey, I'm the son of Luke Spencer and he taught me how to get out of just about anything. I'll figure it out soon enough."
I swallowed carefully, feeling as though I was going to choke, hope stirring once again inside of me. To get out, to get away from this place and be free? "When...when can we do it?"
"I was thinking we should wait until dark so no one sees us."
"I wish we could do it now...I'm afraid to wait. What if he comes back? What if this time...." I looked towards the door and bit my lip. I didn't even want to think about what he would do to us next time he had us at his mercy, but some part of me knew even so that he would get progressively worse, break us down little by little until we had no more resistance, until we were completely broken down.
"Elizabeth, I really think we need to wait. I don't want to take the chance that someone might see us," he said, leaning towards me and peering into my face.
I looked into his eyes and nodded. "I know. I know you're right." I looked up at the window for a moment, trying to picture our surroundings. How close was the nearest town. Were we somewhere deep in the woods, miles and hours away from the rest of the world? "I just wish I knew what was out there."
"It has to be better than what's in here. I don't want us to spend another night in here."
I was unable to control the shudder that wracked my body as I looked around the little, dusty dim room. "I don't either. I don't think I could. I don't think I'll ever want to be shut in a small room again. Ever."
"I'm going to make sure you never are again. He reached over and took my hand in his. "I think we should get some rest and try to eat some more before we attempt this. Since we don't know what will be waiting for us out there, we need to be well rested."
I knew he was right, but I also knew that only a few hours of rest and a little bit of food would probably not do me much good. I needed a week, two weeks even of complete and unbroken sleep, with maybe a tube in my arm so that I wouldn't have to wake up to eat.
"Elizabeth?"
I felt his hand on my arm and I rolled over, squinting at him in the semi-darkness of the room. "Is it time?"
"Yeah, it's time."
I sat up carefully. "I didn't really sleep much. Too nervous." Sleep much? I hadn't been able to sleep at all; even now I almost wanted to throw up from the fear that skittered through my veins like little fire ants.
"I could tell...you were really restless."
I looked up at the window again. The little square was purple with the deepening twilight. Not completely dark yet, but I didn't care. "Can we go now?"
"Yeah...we can go now." He reached out and helped me to my feet. I was careful not to lean against him; he must not know how very weak I was still, how even the nerves and fear I felt could not dispel completely the fog that seemed to be hovering on the outer reaches of my mind.
"How are you going to get out up there Lucky?" I said, trying to distract myself. "We never figured that out. How do we know if it's a really far drop to the ground out there, or if there's a little roof or something?"
"We'll just have to wait and see what it's like when you get the window open." He looked up at the window and seemed to be judging the distance with his eyes. I studied him carefully, trying to figure out if he was as worried as I was, but he showed no signs of it. Dear Lucky. He was probably hiding things just as I was.
"Okay. I'm ready. Are you sure it's dark enough? I don't care...I can't wait another minute. I'm just so afraid that we're going to get caught." I barely realized that my voice was rising, speeding up and going out of control until Lucky put his hands on my shoulders and drew me to him gently.
"Calm down, sweetie, take a deep breath..."
"I know. I know." I closed my eyes and listened to his steady heartbeat beneath my ear. For just a moment my world seemed narrowed to that point: if Lucky's heart was still beating then there was hope. I pushed away from him slowly, covering my eyes with my hands for a second. "Okay, I'm ready."
"Okay. Once you get outside I think you should see if Tom's car is here.. If not, go around to the front of the house and see if you can get in the front door."
"Okay. But how will I let you know if he IS here?"
"Just throw a pebble through the window and I'll know."
"And then what would I do?
He stopped and looked at me, his face grave. "Run for your life."
Fighting tears I nodded, even though I knew I would never leave him here alone.
"Okay. Let's go then."
We looked at each other for a moment, almost as if without saying a thing each of us was admitting that this might be the last time we saw each other, that if this didn't work then there would be nothing we could do. But to say so out loud would be to shatter something, a tentative hope that nested deep in the center of my terrified mind, and perhaps Lucky's too.
"When you get down to the ground," he said as he laced his fingers together for me to step on. "Go around to the front and see if his car is there. But be careful. Don't go into the open where he might see you. If he's not there see if you can get in the front door, then try to unlock this one and get me out."
"Okay." I could barely breathe as I grabbed onto the windowsill and began to pull myself up, trying to ignore the feeling that my body really just wanted me to let go and rest. I couldn't; I had to do this. Lucky was counting on me and I couldn't let him down.
My muscles were shaking and it felt like they were unraveling as I pushed the window open, feeling some reassurance that Lucky's strong arms were holding me up. If I could do this then my beloved Lucky would be safe; we would be free together, we would get out and find someone to help us, maybe call Lucky's dad and tell him where we were, only we didn't know where we were…I shook my head a little to clear my rambling thoughts, chilled to realize that I had faded out for a moment and could barely remember the last few seconds. I was sitting with one leg on each side of the window, and my heart dropped to see the distance from here to the ground. "It's far," I whispered to Lucky as he stood looking up at me, concern etched on his face.
"Is it too far for you to jump? Elizabeth, I don't want you to do this if you don't think you can. We can think of something else-"
"No, I can do it." Without waiting to hear his response or to convince myself otherwise, I pulled my other leg over and let myself drop. I didn't even remember the actual fall, only the impact that seemed to shatter everything so that I rolled onto my back, gasping for breath like a fish struck against the side of a boat, then tossed carelessly inside to lie stunned, mouth open in silent supplication for the air that would not come. I wondered dimly if my legs were broken, if my entire body was broken. I don't need this now, I don't need this now…but my thoughts seemed far away, dissolving into inarticulateness.
It felt like forever but was really probably only a couple of short moments before I was breathing again, pulling the air gratefully into my lungs as I got to my hands and knees carefully. As slowly as I could I got to my feet, waiting for the shooting pain that would indicate a broken bone and send me collapsing to the ground, but it did not come. Before I knew it I was standing, but my body only protested quietly. It would be more vocal later, but I didn't care. I was out, and now I had to save Lucky. My heart was almost ricocheting off the inside of my ribs as I pressed myself dizzily against the outer wall of the cabin and slid carefully towards the corner. The world seemed somehow sharper and clearer as the adrenaline rushed through me, and I almost feared that my head would float away. What if I got to the corner and he was waiting for me? What if he knew what Lucky and I had been up to all along? My knees nearly buckled at the thought, the fear so intense I could feel the oxygen withdrawing from my blood again.
Stop it, Liz. Stop it. You've got enough to worry about without inventing other things. Remember, you have to do this for Lucky. He's in there waiting for you and worrying about you. Can you imagine how he feels without being able to see you or hear you? Just take a deep breath and calm down. Calm down and look around the corner…
I had to do it quickly before I could think anymore about it, and in that moment the world stopped. His car was not there.
I didn't know I was running until I stumbled and nearly fell. I threw myself against the door, sobbing as I turned the knob and found it unlocked. Of course it's unlocked, I thought hysterically. He doesn't expect us to be outside! I felt like laughing as I rushed to the door of the room, that infernal little room I never wanted to see the inside of again.
"Lucky, it's me! He's not here!"
"Oh God, thank God. Can you open the door easily?"
"Yeah. There's a lock here but it has a knob, I just have to twist it. It's hard…I'm using both of my hands….there!"
He yanked open the door and I was in his arms a second later. He hugged me briefly, then held me at arm's length.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded. "I'm fine. Now let's get the hell out of here."
"Wait." He left me standing there, and I watched as he went into the kitchen area of the room.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking for weapons," he said as he began slam drawers and cabinets open and closed. "Knives, forks, anything. Shit! There's nothing here! What does he eat with?"
"I don't know. Can we just go?"
"Yeah. Elizabeth, I'm sorry. I should have brought something myself but I was afraid he'd find it and take it out on you. I didn't--"
"It's okay, I know. Let's go."
He took my hand and we ran through the front door. My heart was singing even though my body felt near collapse: we were free, and we were both alive.. I was with Lucky and I knew nothing bad would happen to me anymore.
"Oh my God! It's him!"
I looked around wildly, a short scream torn from my throat as the headlights of a big gray car swung out of the darkness, pinning us to the wall of the cabin like bugs on a piece of cardboard. No! My mind screamed. No no no!
"We have to run Elizabeth!" Lucky shouted. He did not let go of my hand as we plunged together into the night.