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It was those hours when all the universe seemed asleep and all was quiet that most intrigued the Doctor. Or perhaps it was better said that it was his reaction to those times that captured his attention. He very rarely, if ever, found himself completely alone in the TARDIS. In his travels, he'd found the TARDIS much the revolving door of companion after companion. Usually, no sooner had the goodbyes from one companion faded than the hellos of someone new took their place. It was only those times when his companions succumbed to the sleep that they needed more than he did that he found himself alone. At the same time that he needed the quiet to recharge his own reserves, he found he couldn't take the solitude for long. It gave him too much time to reflect on the changes he had caused in his companions lives and not always for the better. Never had that time of reflection bothered him so much as it did right now.
The console room door swung open quietly but the unexpected movement was enough to draw the Doctor's attention toward it. The petite young woman with shoulder length brown hair and sad green eyes stood there looking like she would disappear as quickly as she had appeared. That she had been the object of his reflection caused her appearance to be even more unnerving.
"Hello, Nyssa. I thought you were asleep. The three of you have been through a lot helping me through the regeneration and my recovery from it."
"I didn't mean to disturb you. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake Tegan. I'll go elsewhere." She turned to leave.
"NO!" The Doctor didn't mean his tone to be sharp but he didn't want her to leave. He'd been needing this time alone with her since before his regeneration but so much had happened that there hadn't been time. Funny how finding time could be a problem for a Time Lord. "Please stay. I was actually just thinking about you. I think we should talk."
Nyssa stepped further into the console room and allowed the door to swing shut behind her. She had been expecting this conversation every since the moment the Doctor had told her on Logopolis what had happened to her father. Amazing that so much could happen in such a short amount of time. "Shouldn't you be resting too? Your regeneration took quite a toil on you."
The Doctor smiled. How typical for Nyssa to be worried about everyone else despite all she had been through herself. "I'm much recovered now, thank you. I'm more concerned about you. I know what happened to Traken during the spread of the entropy field. With everything going on, I haven't had a chance to check on you and there is really no excuse for that."
The smile Nyssa returned him was full of sadness. "It's all right, really, Doctor. To be honest, I haven't had time to fully process the knowledge myself. It's really gone, isn't it?"
The Doctor nodded, his eyes never leaving her face. "Yes, Nyssa, I'm afraid so. I know it will be of little consolation to you but your people did not suffer. Their end was quite sudden and completely painless."
Nyssa nodded, her eyes downcast. "It is at least some comfort. Thank you. What. no, I shouldn't ask."
"Ask me anything, Nyssa. You deserve the truth even if that's all I can offer you."
"Did my father suffer?"
The Doctor closed his eyes and stuffed his hands in his pockets of his coat. How much loss could one person suffer and still find the strength to carry on? "I don't know, Nyssa. We Time Lords can regenerate twelve times; no one has survived a thirteenth regeneration until now. The Master used remnants of the Keeper's power to take over Tremas' body and I don't know enough about how he did that to answer your question."
A single tear traced a path down the young girl's cheek but she raised her chin in defiance of the grief that wanted to consume her. "And the only person who could answer that question was left behind in Castrovalva when it collapsed. I hate the Master for what he's done. As foreign as that concept should seem I really do. Part of me is glad that he didn't escape Castrovalva, that he can't hurt anyone else. But at the same time." her silence then spoke volumes to the Doctor.
"But you feel like you've lost the last link to your father."
Nyssa nodded. "I can't help wondering if there was some part of my father that survived when the Master took over his body. That he was inside the Master struggling to break free and waiting for us to help him do it. Now, I'll never know."
The Doctor shook his head. He hated what this was doing to the young girl. He wished he could offer her some hope, but he couldn't. "Your father was a good man. If any part of him had survived the Master's regeneration he would have been repulsed by what the Master was using his body to do. He wouldn't have stopped until he found some way to thwart the Master's plan. The Master would have known this as well. If any part of Tremas survived the regeneration, the Master would not have allowed it to remain. I have no doubts that no trace of the man you called father remained when you saw him on Logopolis. Rest assured that if the Master perished on Castrovalva, and I hope he did, Tremas did not perish with him. Mourn your father as the man he was on Traken, Nyssa, for that is where he died."
"I can't mourn, Doctor." Nyssa admitted in a small voice. "If I start to grieve where do I start and where would it end? The sadness would swallow me up as surely as the entropy field destroyed Traken. No, it's best if I accept my losses and move forward. It's what Father would want me to do."
Crossing the console room, the Doctor took the young girl in his arms for a comforting embrace. Despite her brave words, he knew it would be impossible for her to not mourn the deaths of everyone she had ever known. Mourn she would but her words told him that it would be down in private and that very few would ever get a glimpse or understand her pain. It wasn't fair but he of all people knew life was not fair. "I should have done more; should have expected the Master to try something else. I let you down, Nyssa, and I understand if you blame me for it."
Nyssa pulled away from the Doctor and looked up, her eyes filled with wonder. "Blame you? Doctor, I could never blame you. Blame lies entirely with the Master. It is because of you that I'm alive right now and that I didn't die with the rest of my world. It is because of you that I can carry on a piece of Traken wherever I go. I will be forever grateful to you for that."
For a moment, the Doctor could not speak through the lump in his throat. Before he could work his voice past it, Nyssa stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you, Doctor. I'm glad we were able to talk. I think I'll be able to sleep now."
Without another word, she left the console room. The Time Lord watched her go and finally found his voice. "If the legacy of Traken rests in you, Nyssa, then it will be well represented -- well represented indeed."