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Fat People Don't Like Being Called 'Waddles' (25896 hits)

Category: None

Rating: 1.92 on 179 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> [Authenticated]   (View user info) at 2004-08-10 15:32:09


I'm usually a pretty nice person. That might be hard to believe considering the amount of people on here to whom I recommend suicide, but it's true. In my everyday life as a mild mannered banker, I don't usually say or do anything to cause strife with the general public. However, sometimes, just sometimes, I'll get ticked off enough to actually really try and insult someone when they've pushed me too far. This post is a tale of one such occasion that occurred this past weekend.

There we were, my gal, the buddy who was putting me up in Boston, a few college friends and myself sitting in The Bell in Hand, in Faneuil hall – Boston. The crowd was your regular Boston bar make-up; Juicer Frat Boys, Sorority Sluts, and everything in between. Part of that everything in between was the infamous 'All That Big Girl Trying to Get Some'. These are the girls who figure that because they're eating weight watchers meals, even though they're eating four per sitting, they feel they can cram their size 24 body into a size 8 dress. When I see the rolls bulging out at every seem, it makes me feel sorry for poor 12 year old Wong Ching who put so much effort into making what was once a nice piece of clothing, and envisioned a beautiful American girl donning his $0.12/hour masterpiece. It's really tragic.

Everyone has had their run in with this type of chick, and unless you're a fan of more cushion for the pushin', the run in usually ends in a bad way. For some reason, these girls feel that no man on earth should be able to resist their proverbial TLC style 'jelly', and so when in fact they are rejected due to their earthquake inducing size, they feel that something must be wrong with their target, and proceed to go ballistic in a way that would remind one of a porpoise territory battle.

Holy shit, I'm like super digressing. Anyway, there we were sitting in a packed bar and putting down some of the best beers that the world had to offer in the only proper form known to man, the pint. Of course, 4 pints can put a good amount of pressure on your bladder, and soon I found my legs swinging back and fourth in the classic 'gotta pee but don't want to get up dance'. However, no matter how I struggled against the call of nature, soon I had to give in, and so I rose from my seat and made my way towards the bathroom. In this particular bar, you had to cross the floor in front of the band, and a good amount of crowd had gathered making it quite the ordeal to squeeze through the various pathways between groups

About halfway across, I felt a hand on my backside. Being a normal human being, I began to turn around figuring to see my friend Kevin acting gay in order to make me feel awkward and get a laugh. What I was greeted with, was Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief staring at me in what I can only imagine was an attempt at looking seductive, but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger. Slightly perturbed, I turned back towards my destination and surged forward without a word. I figured she must just have been fooling around, and really, there was no harm, no foul.

I made it to the bathroom, and as I let the levy break, my mind was washed of all thoughts of Lardo Mcgee's groping, and replaced with only the bliss of a fucking good piss. I finished up, washed my hands, was disappointed to see only an air hand drying (those fucking things don't work for shit), and then made my way back out into the bar.

Once again, I had to cross the area in front of the stage, and due to the crowding there, basically followed the open pathways that fate had provided. Fate can be quite the cruel bitch, and so the openings in the people labyrinth (unobserved by me) led me once again into the clawing range of Feely O'Fatfat. I guess seeing as her palm didn't get the reaction she'd hoped for, on this pass, she decided to take a pound of flesh, and with the same strength that I imagine she grabs for drumsticks, she laid into my poor unprotect behind. To say that I jumped at the shock of having a vice suddenly squeeze on my posterior would be an understatement on par with calling Habeeb slightly eccentric.

I guess my reaction was pretty obvious, for as I turned to confront who had assaulted my left cheek, I could here chuckles from all those around me. When my rotation was complete, I was greeted with an overweight tongue (yes, even her tongue was fat) licking two thick Italian sausages that I'm guessing could pass as lips. Then, as I stared at the monstrosity before me in absolute shock, I heard the grease laden voice of the creature in front of me say "Hey baby, if I can make you jump like with my hand, imagine what I can do with the rest of my body."

For once in my life, I was actually speechless. I had no idea what to say to the beast in front of me that had just violated one of my special places, and was now trying to make me imagine the lascivious acts she would perform on me should she have the chance. So, in quite the lame voice, I responded with a weak "No thanks, I have a girlfriend."

Go fucking me. Man, was that ever clever!

Seeing the weakness in my response, Butter Thighs came at me again in an attempt to have a slice of Sean (that's me) for dinner. "Listen up, Romeo, I can do things that bitch and never even heard of!"

For some reason, hearing Queen Hippo call my girlfriend a bitch really ticked me off, and when I combined this with the fact that my beer was sitting on my table getting warm, I figured it was time to end things. "You know what? I'm not interested, so why don't you just fucking save it?" and with that I turned and started back on my quest to my seat.

I'm guessing that this response really wasn't what Lumpy was looking for, and in her attempt to save face or just to be a bitch, she called out in a loud enough voice to grab the attention of anyone standing close "Sorry, I didn't realize that you were a fag. I should have known though just by looking at you."

I'm only a man, and there's only so much shit I can take. Now, I know should have just kept going, but goddamn it, enough was enough. I stopped, and slowly turned around to face the creature from the black lagoon. As she stood there with a 'watchoo gonna do about it' look on her face, the fury in my mind grew. An insult came to mind, and before I had time to assess it, it was already on its way past my lips.

"Do you have some sort of hearing problem there, Waddles?"

The moment the molecules of sound propelled the last word of my sentence to the sow in front of me, and the cellulite laden neurons were able to carry the meaning to her brain, mount St-Helens erupted once more. Never have I seen so much fat move so spastically in every direction at once.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as her arms flew into the air and began the flail back and forth like links of sausage hanging off the side of an out of control meat wagon.

"I'M FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!! I'M FUCKING GORGEOUS!!" She wailed, as her gyrating caused her belly and thighs to wobble at break neck speeds.

"I AIN'T NO FUCKING WADDLES!!! I AIN'T NO FUCKING WADDLES!!!" She repeatedly yelled over and over again.

In fact, she was still yelling it at a jiggle mesmerized PMJ when the bouncer arrived, and took her by the arm and proceeded to lead her to the door. In fact, as far as I can tell, she was still repeating the phrase with whatever energy she had left as she was guided to and then out the door.

When the bouncer returned to me to ask what had made the girl freak out so, and I explained the situation, he smiled and said "Some advice for the future, fat chicks hate being called waddles."



User Reviews


Submitted by bush_for_god (user info) at 2005-01-06 00:19:32 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Kre8rix (user info) at 2004-12-31 10:59:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed.

I threw up a little.

I laughed some more.

Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2004-12-29 12:45:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

another re-read. another rating

Submitted by klebe (user info) at 2004-12-16 02:22:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

This was funny,
Just a curious, perhaps even obnoxious question. How many guys who read, reviwed, and laughed at this post are fat...or over weight???
Because seriously looking at some of the camwhores on uber, its not like uber is populated by FIT examples of the male sex!Surprisingly enough i havent seen ANY posts written about how annoying and insulting it is for an average sized woman to get hit on by a FAT man(as it seems to be for men)....
like i said...im just curious.

Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2004-12-11 23:48:49 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hella fuck!

Submitted by lsdeimos (user info) at 2004-10-03 22:52:37 (#)
Ranking: -2

;)

Submitted by lsdeimos (user info) at 2004-10-03 22:48:17 (#)
Ranking: 0

Interesting story but you other people are horrible. Do overweight people in general get you that upset for some dumbass reason or is it just fat chicks in tight clothes?

Submitted by Ebiz <fake.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-03 12:17:00 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by you suck at 2004-10-02 16:51:41 (#)
Ranking: 2

didn't you steal this from Tucker Max?

Submitted by queenoftheramen (user info) at 2004-09-17 04:40:51 (#)
Ranking: 2

LMAO! That's great!

Submitted by Becca <FearfulMind06.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-14 07:19:15 (#)
Ranking: 2

Haha. So funny. I know I'm a youngster talking about my highschool, but whatever. Don't read it. So anywho there's this girl who, no joking, looks like somone hit her face with a shovel full force. No really her mouth is all sideways and she has pock marks everywhere and to add to her deformity she is overly obese YET she wears the clothes that appear on the slut "shakin that thang" in an Usher video. Same size and all.

Yesterday, a friend, while talking to her, puked.

But yours is funnier.

Submitted by YourMom <your.at.mom.com> at 2004-09-13 19:09:24 (#)
Ranking: 2

Dude, trust me, if some guy is picking up on your fat ass girlfriend, it's only because that's all he can get...much like you.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-06 17:58:26 (#)
Ranking: -2

Yeah, she was wrong to harrass you, but jeez, lighten up on the rest of the women who are fat who would probably never give you a second look. my girlfriend is fat and she's so hot I've had to step in when some wanker tries to pick her up. i just dont think it matturs what size you ar, as long as you do your best to look good.

Submitted by Cassiopeia (user info) at 2004-09-03 15:59:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

"Never have I seen so much fat move so spastically in every direction at once."


Where the crap did this come from?!!! How do you think of this?!!!!! I laughed out loud for a while just at that line alone... pure genius!!! :-D

Submitted by thatonechick <carrieknose.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-03 14:51:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy Sausages that was funny!

Submitted by JungleJane (user info) at 2004-09-01 07:06:48 (#)
Ranking: 2

Holy hilarity. That's some funny ass shit!

Submitted by Pat <Big_Bubba83.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-31 21:43:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

Fucking Fat Bitches

Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-08-29 09:43:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

"Holy shit, I'm like super digressing."

Lardo Mcgee and Feely O'Fatfat.... HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA...

Pure supercool.

Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-08-29 09:06:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

A lot of fat people seem to have this idea that they're beautiful no matter what. That is bullshit. This woman probably watched too much Opra, and thought that she could go get a man for her five welfare babies.

Submitted by Melissa at 2004-08-26 19:59:32 (#)
Ranking: 1

That is pretty funny. I have nothing against fat people and I have been there (and then got off my fat chip eating, tv watching ass and exercised and got not fat) but even when I was fat I didn't feel it gave me the right to act like an ass.

I have a story about a few overweight ladies. So once I was helping to sell t-shirts at a convention and these three rather large ladies came up to me and asked what size we had. I pointed out the XXL which is what would have fit them properly but they insisted on buying mediums. I really tried to get them to atleast consider XL but they would not go for it. Considering what they were wearing I should not have been suprised (costumes that were WAY too small and revealing for their rather large bodies). Also for the large ladies, dressing as a little girl does not make you one.

Submitted by robyn <robyng.at.solarc-ae.net> at 2004-08-26 18:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2

even though i'm overweight, it made me laugh out loud!

thanks for the smile at work.

Submitted by lara <ywilkins.at.bigpond.net.au> at 2004-08-26 00:53:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

i'm fat... but i thought this post was fucking hilarious... chicks like that actually piss me off... if you're fat, cover up.. you don't have it, so don't flaunt it, because you look awful... it also makes me cringe that she gets to sexually harass you and then complain when you turn her down.. but if a guy did the same thing, its harassment..
oh well, those are the woes of the world.

Submitted by Lily <lilyjade131.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-25 03:05:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I was greeted with an overweight tongue (yes, even her tongue was fat) licking two thick Italian sausages that I'm guessing could pass as lips."

"...her arms flew into the air and began the flail back and forth like links of sausage hanging off the side of an out of control meat wagon."

You are one sexy bitch. Maybe it's the repeated sausage metaphors or something . . . This was fantastic. Fat chicks who think they're "beautiful" are the worst. They shouldn't be allowed in public, let alone into bars or clubs.

Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-08-22 00:15:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

I bet that was the most action you've ever seen in your life.

Still, hilarious.

Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-08-20 19:15:32 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Starlet at 2004-08-17 23:39:07 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2004-08-17 13:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus!!!! You think it's bad at places like nightclubs? Try going to a typical public high school. I'm almost convinced that flaunting your stretch-marks is the new trend amongst the young people.
_________
Holy hell man, you have no idea. There wasn't a class I could walk into last year without seeing some fatass wearing too tight clothes. Like, an extra small shirt, for an extra large girl. It's not just the stretch marks they want to show off, it's the rolls too.

---------
reminds me of a post i wrote (sorry, couldn't resist post-whoring...after all, i was raised by prostitutes)...anyway, the post is about fat people and how they should cover up...some other stuff too, can't quite remember...something about personalities, etc.

Long rating short, I liked the post because it reminds me of my obese-beyond-the-level-of-Jubba-fat friend, Jando.

Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-08-20 16:15:04 (#)
Ranking: 2

Fat people are funny. I was in a restaurant with my younger brother and our significant others, and we were discussing the great games we used to have as children. Someone mentioned Hungry Hungry Hippoes, and my little brother loudly sang the song in the commercial, ending with, of course,
"Hungry, hungry hippoes!!" This table full of fat women right next to us were suddenly silent, and when we looked over, they were all glaring at us. I've never seen so much obese anger in my life. So I, brilliantly, was like, "He wasn't referring to you guys! I love how you automatically think that. Slight complex, maybe?" They all suddenly erupted out of their chairs and left the restaurant. One tubby hung around to pay, and the whole time, she was bitching really loudly and pointing at us.


The waiter came over and had a laugh with us, saying she had threatened to sue the restaurant for discrimination.

I'm not discriminating against fat people. Just those four.

Anyways. Long story short (too late for that, I know), good post!


Submitted by bubba69 (user info) at 2004-08-20 12:01:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

I love this story! you rock!!!

Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.your.mom's.house> at 2004-08-20 11:21:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

waddles.... that gives me an idea

they should take the fast food restaurants and make them put a lap track around the outside. then fat people would have to do laps to earn tickets that would allow them to buy food.

10 times around = 1 small French fry
100 times around = 1 regular hamburger (no cheese, extra veggies)

And soda is never allowed, screw Diet ones, drink water Waddles!

Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-20 11:10:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sav is a stand up kinda guy.

Submitted by Sav <ralfmouth.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-19 22:40:13 (#)
Ranking: 2

I think fat people who think they look the shit only exist in the US of States. Here in Britain, I don't think I've ever come across one (as the actress said to the vicar). Seriously though, obese people in the UK don't seem to get a false idea that they look hot - most are fairly shy.

Congratulations, Sean - I think you've coined a new 'porker' insult. Waddles - classic.

Sav, Oxford, England

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-19 21:40:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

When will fat people learn that WEARING size xs does not MAKE them xs!!!

Submitted by Gizmo (user info) at 2004-08-18 22:33:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahahaha.

I hate waddles. Why do they think they are better than thin girls? I mean my couch can barely hold me asleep... let alone the equivilent of 3 more of me


Submitted by Starlet at 2004-08-17 23:39:07 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2004-08-17 13:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus!!!! You think it's bad at places like nightclubs? Try going to a typical public high school. I'm almost convinced that flaunting your stretch-marks is the new trend amongst the young people.
_________
Holy hell man, you have no idea. There wasn't a class I could walk into last year without seeing some fatass wearing too tight clothes. Like, an extra small shirt, for an extra large girl. It's not just the stretch marks they want to show off, it's the rolls too.

Submitted by vajokki (user info) at 2004-08-17 20:40:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

"Listen up, Romeo, I can do things that bitch and never even heard of!"

What, collapse the bed the moment she sits down?

Submitted by B-Nizzo (user info) at 2004-08-17 13:35:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

Jesus!!!! You think it's bad at places like nightclubs? Try going to a typical public high school. I'm almost convinced that flaunting your stretch-marks is the new trend amongst the young people.

Submitted by BIGGY at 2004-08-17 12:51:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

hehehe, that's funny...
but you know that you really went home with her and now call her big momma.

Submitted by razorbladepianos (user info) at 2004-08-16 05:06:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

Quality.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-16 00:54:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

waddle waddle.

Submitted by cheruboo (user info) at 2004-08-15 11:01:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Teddy <ATVoftheCWF.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-15 01:27:38 (#)
Ranking: 2

dude fat people suck, especially ones who don't wear enough clothing. i understand there is genetics and all that involved, but holy crap, wear more clothes untill you're ready to pu down the butter sandwich

Submitted by stevostheking (user info) at 2004-08-15 00:47:13 (#)
Ranking: 2

That was pure gold...the only thing that bugs me more than fat people, is fat families.

"I think you've had enough McDonals's. Don't you?"

Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-08-14 18:51:36 (#)
Ranking: 2

There's got to be some sort of mathematical principle behind this.

Intelligence is inversely related to obesity.

I hear the Nobel Prize a-callin' my name...

Submitted by RootsRadical (user info) at 2004-08-14 18:39:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Pretty funny. Anyone ever notice you can tell it's a fat chick (or guy) over the phone. I guess the vocal chords are insulated by a double chin.

Submitted by Vengance (user info) at 2004-08-14 15:31:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

This ~same~ thing happened to me, but I fucked up and used "I just had my heart broken" instead of the more effective (in most cases) "I have a girlfriend"...I think my acting was really 'ON' that night, because I had to act uninterested in all the other HOT chicks so she wouldn't feel bad, which kinda ruined my night! But she wasn't persistent, and stopped at that - so i was grateful!

I am such a nice guy - so considerate.

Fucking hilarious post.

Submitted by Punk-not-dead (user info) at 2004-08-14 01:44:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

heh heh

waddles

Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-14 01:03:29 (#)
Ranking: 2

GOLD.

Submitted by Valhalla (user info) at 2004-08-14 00:05:49 (#)
Ranking: 2

I laughed out loud at this. You, sir, are the alpha and the omega. Awesome.

Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-13 23:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

This is the only post that I would approve of taking my place at spot #1.

Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-08-13 22:50:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

Sean, your ass has been violated by Jabba The Slut. Please kill yourself.

Submitted by Worm (user info) at 2004-08-13 19:53:12 (#)
Ranking: 2

and with the same strength that I imagine she grabs for drumsticks, she laid into my poor unprotect behind

What I was greeted with, was Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief staring at me in what I can only imagine was an attempt at looking seductive, but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger.


Fucking gold.



Wo|2M

Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-08-13 17:10:55 (#)
Ranking: 2

Mount Everst
Lardo McGee
Feely Ofatfat
Butter Thighs
Queen Hippo
Lumpy
Creature From The Black Lagoon
Waddles

Why would anyone -2 this, it fucking rocks, most fat chicks are like this too.

What bar was this? I'm in Boston a lot, I've probably been there.

Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-13 12:07:16 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-13 11:31:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

This is fooking funny, deserves +2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:54:20 (#)
Ranking: -2

I realize you're only talking about a certain type of person here, but i'm kind of heavyset myself, and cant help but find all the fat-insults pretty offensive. This post annoyed me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea but if u go around saying that your gorgeous and forcing yourself on men u deserve being insulted

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-13 10:45:05 (#)
Ranking: 1

No Comment

Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-08-13 04:31:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ha!

Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-13 02:04:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious. To quote Mallrats: Fly fat ass, fly!!!

Submitted by Skippy (user info) at 2004-08-13 00:20:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

Cool, but sad because its so true! They all think they are so good looking, try not eating every 5 minutes bitch!

Submitted by ubertits (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:55:56 (#)
Ranking: -2

Are you sure you meant banker?


Submitted by Dave3811 (user info) at 2004-08-12 23:22:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 for "Queen Hippo"

Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-08-12 22:47:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

"When I see the rolls bulging out at every seem, it makes me feel sorry for poor 12 year old Wong Ching who put so much effort into making what was once a nice piece of clothing,"

I'm with Carebear. +2 for that funny-as-fucking-hell sidenote.

Shoulda called her a Weeble Wobble, but Waddles is pretty fucking funny.

I've heard of fag hags, does this make you a "fat hag?"

Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-08-12 22:27:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

That was fucking quality, PMJ.

Yes, yes it was.

















Phinch is teh Waddles.

Submitted by Bert Juneau <BJUNEAU.at.msn.com> at 2004-08-12 21:11:09 (#)
Ranking: -2

Fat people desrve to have debilitating strokes till their heads explode

Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-08-12 20:12:37 (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm SO going to call fat people Waddles.

Submitted by karen at 2004-08-12 18:11:20 (#)
Ranking: 0

very funny, but i wouldnt have considered waddles as being the mopst offensive word in the book!! could have come up with soemthing much worse for them!! hate fat people in small clothes, makes you wanna puke!

Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-08-12 16:08:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

I call them 'Waddle-Blobs'. That the blob adds a bit of extra flavor.

Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-12 15:24:46 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:54:20 (#)
Ranking: -2

I realize you're only talking about a certain type of person here, but i'm kind of heavyset myself, and cant help but find all the fat-insults pretty offensive. This post annoyed me.

------------------------------------------

Sure thing Fatty Mcfatfat... Fat.

This shouldn't have any less than a perfect 2. Congrats on B@W by the way.


Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:16:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

actually its number 2 on B@W for him zoney.

Submitted by Carebear813 (user info) at 2004-08-12 14:10:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

"It makes me feel sorry for poor 12 year old Wong Ching who put so much effort into making what was once a nice piece of clothing, and envisioned a beautiful American girl donning his $0.12/hour masterpiece. It's really tragic."

Hahaha

Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-12 12:40:22 (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W, finally for pmg

Submitted by MGB (user info) at 2004-08-12 10:24:05 (#)
Ranking: 2

nice nice, painfully well written.

honestly, i don't see why the bitch got so mad. i mean "waddles" isnt that offensive of a term. And since she thinks shes such hot shit, she'd brush it off and look for the next guy with a full bladder to sexually assault. But yeah, if it happends again, try using the phrase "Chunkmonster" it may cause you some physical pain, but you'll have one hell of a story to tell the grandkids.

Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-12 09:40:24 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I AIN'T NO FUCKING WADDLES!!! I AIN'T NO FUCKING WADDLES!!!"

I hate black women. Not all of them, just the ones who do this kind of thing, or the ones who grew up in Upper-Middle Class Suburbia and try to make out they were from the "Ghetto" and use bad grammar "Yo mah niggaaaaaaaa WASSUP! Me an' mah homies gon' go th'club an' sip on sum gin n juice!". You were taught english at school. Speak it properly.

I hate white women who do this more. "HEY GIRLFRIEND!" You are not from the ghetto either. You are from a £400,000 house with 5 bedrooms and a pet dog called Whiskey. Your father runs his own succesful business, your mother is a full time housewife with highlighted hair and manicured nails, and your 2 brothers are at Durham Universty studying Mathematics and Aeronautical Engineering.

Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-12 08:30:16 (#)
Ranking: 0

Holy shit, I just realized this made B@W. I was wondering why it had so many reviews, and now my question is answered.

Huzzah!

Damn.... Huzzah is a really gay word.

Submitted by punchdrunk (user info) at 2004-08-12 06:52:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hidden told that fat bitch!

Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-08-12 02:49:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W dammit!

Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-08-12 01:38:31 (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/41415
And here it is

Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-08-12 00:55:39 (#)
Ranking: 2

Beautiful, and post inspiring.

Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-08-12 00:50:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

HA!

Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2004-08-11 22:14:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahaha, I like all kinds of women, but damnit she asked for that.

Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:53:38 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:12:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

laughed out loud at "...Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief..."
---------------------

Ditto.


And in case anyone hasn't said it yet, this is B@W material. I couldn't stop laughing at this. I actually got queezy during your descriptions of her. Well written *vomit*

Submitted by berta <idgra.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-08-11 21:30:27 (#)
Ranking: 2

Great!
As a (rather) fat chick, I have to say, I HATE those girls who think that just because they can squeze one of their fat rolls into a tube top, it means that it looks good on them. You can be heavy and have some dignity for shit's sake.
VIVA LA "Waddles"

Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-08-11 21:13:32 (#)
Ranking: 2

Totally kickass!

Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:47:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:54:20 (#)
Ranking: -2

I realize you're only talking about a certain type of person here, but i'm kind of heavyset myself, and cant help but find all the fat-insults pretty offensive. This post annoyed me.

=====================================================================

why don't you go run your fat ass around the block a few times? you don't see me crying when people make fun of me for being skinny. if you don't like the fat jokes, stop being lazy and worthless and lose some weight. i lost 20 pounds in a month, bitch. i know a lot of people don't understand this, so i'll break it down- the human body was built to be exercised almost every day. there are muscles in your body that never stop working from the time you are born until the time you die. if those muscles can work that hard, is it so hard to work the rest of your body for just a few minutes every day? come on people, figure it out. a 3,000 calorie a day diet is only good for you if you are exercising.

man, i could rant about this shit for hours. i hate fat crybabies. forget it. i'm done. i'm wasting my energy. i'm gonna go for a run. you should think about doing that sometime, too, queensowntalia. unless you like being fat. in which case, you should not be whining.

Submitted by Legitch (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:18:58 (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm fat. And this made me laugh my ass off. Now I'm skinny!

Submitted by j00 (user info) at 2004-08-11 20:02:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

haha WOOO!!!

Submitted by clare <clarebeary.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-11 19:56:07 (#)
Ranking: 0

ok, im a fat chick myself (not that fat) and i found that fucking funny...the funnietst thing i have heard in a LONG TIME

Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-11 19:24:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hurray!

Submitted by random lurker at 2004-08-11 19:02:33 (#)
Ranking: 2

plus fucking 2

Submitted by wes_rulz (user info) at 2004-08-11 18:35:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

this is the best thing ive ever read. ever.

"What I was greeted with, was Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief staring at me in what I can only imagine was an attempt at looking seductive, but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger."

ugh, makes me shudder.

Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2004-08-11 17:58:53 (#)
Ranking: 2

classic

reminds me of a story
might post it tomorrow

late

Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-11 17:56:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

You better get MVA mister.

Submitted by hyprspacd at 2004-08-11 17:45:31 (#)
Ranking: 2

Feh.

Great stuff.


Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:54:20 (#)
Ranking: -2

I realize you're only talking about a certain type of person here, but i'm kind of heavyset myself, and cant help but find all the fat-insults pretty offensive. This post annoyed me.

Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-11 16:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

T Minus 10... 9... 8...

yes, I am counting down the days until PMJ gets on the MVA finally! SWEET JUSTICE!

Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

Goddamn this is funny.


Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:27:48 (#)
Ranking: 2

The whole time I was reading this, I was picturing Mimi from the Drew Carey Show.

Submitted by funkthemonkey (user info) at 2004-08-11 15:16:04 (#)
Ranking: 2

brilliant, i gotta remember that for next time; we've all been in that situation.

Submitted by RaptorGTA (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:52:26 (#)
Ranking: 2

LMFAO!!! oh my god!! that was awesome!!

wow...lol

Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-11 14:44:28 (#)
Ranking: 2

B@W!

Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-08-11 13:56:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:51:09 (#)
Ranking: 1

Hal Sparks is from Queer as Folk and all the

I love the 70's, 80's & 90's shows on VH1...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He also used to host Talk Soup.. which I miss dearly.

Hal Sparks is sexy.

Submitted by kitchens_closed (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:25:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

Damn! She got served.

Submitted by DIckmilkshake (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:24:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:12:25 (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 For the meat wagon imagery, classic.

Submitted by dreadnaught_X (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:10:49 (#)
Ranking: 2

"What I was greeted with, was Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief"

Pure genious. I think I'm going to have to steal that one.

Submitted by Just_me_and_the_cats (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:07:02 (#)
Ranking: 2

Vivid!

Submitted by P33N3R (user info) at 2004-08-11 12:01:11 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:42:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

This post still kick ass

Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:11:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:10:01 (#)
Ranking: 2

HAHA!

No perfect 2 rating for you!

Submitted by Jesus Tymofie at 2004-08-11 11:08:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

noice

Submitted by julz (user info) at 2004-08-11 11:04:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

funniest thing ever

Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <stevenson.at.cornelius.labs> at 2004-08-11 10:40:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

>> and proceed to go ballistic in a way that would remind one of a porpoise territory battle

I've seen this, and it is not pretty.



Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:36:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

"remind one of a porpoise territory battle"

Awesome. Simply Awesome.

Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-08-11 10:34:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I could here chuckles from all those around me"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-2 for misspelling "hear"!! Muahahahahaahahaaa!!!

Alright, alright, +2 for a piss-inducingly funny post.

On a side note, I was sort of taken advantage of by the fat accomplice of a cute chick once. Apparently I passed out at the bar while talking to her, only to be awakened by said mass of lard. She talk my cell phone from me and programmed her name and number...took me a while to remember why that number was in my phone when i found it weeks later..

Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:14:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

I was listening to "Don't Look Back" by Boston when I got to the part about ass-grabbing hungry fat bitches.

Why do those kinds of fat bitches always go crazy like that?

Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-08-11 09:13:33 (#)
Ranking: 2

"...he smiled and said "Some advice for the future, fat chicks hate being called waddles."





Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-11 08:58:25 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

that was fucking hilarious. hey pmj, what year did you graduate? I'm class of 03, eco-fi.
-----------

I graduated in 2002, like I said earlier, Economics Major, and I minored in English Lit.

Were you also at Bentley?

Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:54:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

well, if you look at my pictures, you can tell i'm a skinny guy. i mean, come on, do i really look like i weigh 160? of course not. 20 pounds of that is pure penis. do you know how magnificent 20 pounds of glistening, galvanized steel looks like in all it's glory?

Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:50:39 (#)
Ranking: 2

How much of the 160 pounds is penis, Andy?

Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:29:52 (#)
Ranking: 2

holy shit... i'm 5'10" and 160, too. shit you not. i knew it. fatties love guys like us, man; LOVE US.

Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:18:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-08-11 05:01:19 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-08-11 02:12:16 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:49:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:44:44 (#)
Ranking: 2

You could have thrown a hamburger in the other direction and ran.

Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:32:21 (#)
Ranking: 2


"...but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger."

Nice.

Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:07:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahahahah.......

Dammit, why do they do that? There's nothing wrong with a little fat on a woman, but dammit, when you're more than 5 times the size that is healthy, fucking lose some weight! Oh and don't wear clothes that cut into you... Nobody wants to see that.

I have no idea where that came from... *ahem*

Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-08-11 00:00:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

that was fucking hilarious. hey pmj, what year did you graduate? I'm class of 03, eco-fi.

Submitted by Uncle_Jesse (user info) at 2004-08-10 22:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny as hell

Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-08-10 21:12:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

. . . wow

Submitted by TripWire (user info) at 2004-08-10 20:51:26 (#)
Ranking: 2

Feely O'Fatfat... that was classic

Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-10 20:33:47 (#)
Ranking: 0

Hidden: Yeah, I actually am a pretty thin guy (5"10' - 160lbs). I've also noticed how attractive this makes you to the overweight lady. Maybe they figure, seeing as there's no way that they can go on top, they'd better try and make the load as light as possible.

Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:51:43 (#)
Ranking: 2

Damn, damn good.

Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:25:56 (#)
Ranking: 2

aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


are you a skinny guy like me? fat girls always go after skinny guys. i get this stuff all the time. they when you reject them, that's the first thing they always do- call you gay. and then they start going off about how you're "not ready for this jelly". i think these fat girls are watching too much of that Jenny Jones self acceptance crap. i had a fat girl all over my shit last weekend. two of them, actually. in the same night. all i have to say about that is it's a good thing i don't drink anymore. those are definitely times when i don't need impaired judgement!

Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-10 19:05:16 (#)
Ranking: 2

Dayum. Sorry we didn't meet up with you in Boston. For some reason no one wanted to go except me and Herpes. But Herpes was being a dick so I let him go alone with his girlfriend instead of trying to rally everyone else.

Meh.
Great fucking story though.

Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:15:22 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-10 18:04:50 (#)
Ranking: 2

Lets rate this motherfucker back up to a 2.

Is that possible?

Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:39:54 (#)
Ranking: 2

+2 for making a rhino charge and not getting trampled.

Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:27:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-10 17:12:42 (#)
Ranking: 2

laughed out loud at "...Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief..."

well done.

Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:53:03 (#)
Ranking: 2

oh dear

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:52:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

There's some good stuff being posted today and this is one of them.

Submitted by Zandy1123 (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:39:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

hhehehe...tubby beotch

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:34:13 (#)
Ranking: 2

This reminds of a trip to Walmart with my dad. The automatic doors would not work... As we were leaving this rather (fuck rather, fucking gargantuan) obese woman barked from a distance, "Hold the damn door!" Note that she didn't ask, she barked a command. My dad just turned around, took one look at her and moo'd just like a cow, it sounded real. Everyone within earshot cracked up.

Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:30:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

"...I can only imagine was an attempt at looking seductive, but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger"



Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:28:37 (#)
Ranking: 2

Rather!

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:27:17 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hal Sparks hahahahaha He's the male version of Avril Lavigne.
You do look like him though.

Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:25:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

Funny..

Submitted by Random B at 2004-08-10 16:20:57 (#)
Ranking: 2

AHHHHHH Fuckin' HA!

Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:19:39 (#)
Ranking: 2

"I'm usually a pretty nice person. That might be hard to believe considering the amount of people on here to whom I recommend suicide...."


+2 right from the beginning.

Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:19:15 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hilarious. Rawr.

Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:17:21 (#)
Ranking: 0

I just looked up pictures of that dude, and I totally don't look like him.

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:11:07 (#)
Ranking: 2

Why do I know that?

Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:10:45 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:40:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

good work, you Hal-Sparks-lookin muthfucker!


HAHAHAHAHAHAA!

The "I Love the '80's" guy.

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:07:40 (#)
Ranking: 2

Nice

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:07:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

Thanks for the description _Q_, hahahahah

Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:05:53 (#)
Ranking: 2

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:04:30 (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:57:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

Real good post but I don't get the insult ?!

----

Caul, some people are just so fat that their girth actually restricts joint movement in their legs and ankles. This forces them to swing their legs forward one at a time, straight from the massive hips, creating a waddle.

Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:04:12 (#)
Ranking: 2

I HATE FAT PEOPLE

Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:01:11 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-08-10 16:00:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

sniff... nobody ever calls me waddles....

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:57:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

Real good post but I don't get the insult ?!
http://www.hyperdictionary.com/search.aspx?define=waddle

Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:56:06 (#)
Ranking: 2

Genius?

Yes.

Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:53:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

Weren't you afraid she was gonna sit on you? Or eat you?

Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:51:09 (#)
Ranking: 1

Hal Sparks is from Queer as Folk and all the

I love the 70's, 80's & 90's shows on VH1...

Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:50:26 (#)
Ranking: 2

You're a very brave man.

Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:49:47 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hal Sparks is from some gay show. And he was also Zoltan.

Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:47:59 (#)
Ranking: 2

Another +2 for you because I can't seem to put a whole thought together...

I would NOT have had the audacity to do that to you in the first place.


Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:44:08 (#)
Ranking: 2

shameless plug on topic of fat women: http://www.ubersite.com/m/36271

Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:43:33 (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:40:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

good work, you Hal-Sparks-lookin muthfucker!
---

Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 2

the visual description was uncanny

on a side note, where did you go to school and was it finance you took?
-----

WZ: Who the heck is Hal Sparks?

CBG: I went to Bentley College (small business school just outside of Boston) and majored in Economics. Why do you ask?

Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:43:20 (#)
Ranking: 2

What I was greeted with, was Mount Everest wrapped in a handkerchief staring at me in what I can only imagine was an attempt at looking seductive, but in true fat fashion, only conveyed the idea of hunger.

Submitted by Anjie (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:43:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

Tooo funny... However had you called me Waddles you would not be here to tell the story today.

On the other hand, I would have had the audacity to do that to you in the first place.

Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:41:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

Love it!

Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:41:01 (#)
Ranking: 2

the visual description was uncanny

on a side note, where did you go to school and was it finance you took?

Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:40:58 (#)
Ranking: 2

No Comment

Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:40:34 (#)
Ranking: 2

good work, you Hal-Sparks-lookin muthfucker!

Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:40:23 (#)
Ranking: 2

Plus Fucking Two.

Submitted by Socky (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:35:37 (#)
Ranking: 2

Hahahaha.

Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:35:09 (#)
Ranking: 2

you write a goos post, man.

however, VIVA LA SPT!!

Submitted by WhiteMaleSuperior (user info) at 2004-08-10 15:34:15 (#)
Ranking: 2

hahaha, you should have said "K, sorry, your a minger"


Homer: Ooh, look at this one! The Hammer of Thor! (Reading) "It
will send your pins to ... Valhalla?" Lisa?

Lisa: Valhalla is where vikings go when they die.

Homer: Ooh, that's some ball.

The Telltale Head


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