In The Deep of The Night
In the deep of the night I lie still as a rock
The only noise that I hear is the sound of the clock
Sleep lightly, ever vigilant for a change in the sound
For that is what tells me that He is around.
Keep the bedroom door locked, as if anyone would care
But at least the lock gives me time to prepare
Time to summon the strength, push the fear down
Time to send Little One into "our town"
Behind those high walls she can run she can hide
There's no way he can reach her that deep inside
Time to let Wild Zoe come to the fore
She's way too strong to be hurt anymore
Lot's of people reside within one
Will there ever be a time when their work is done?
When the One can be whole,happy, and free?
No, I really think that's a fairy tale for me
Tammy is simply the face to the crowd
Memories are something she can't tell aloud
After all, she wasn't there
Wild Zoe was and for her no one cares
She knows it all, but she isn't telling
All those secrets are too painful for telling
Tammy knows she doesn't remember some stuff
But that's all she knows because it is too tough
Only one of us needs to feel this pain
It is the only way, we can stay sane
I will continue to protect Little One at any cost
In order to let her keep what she hasn't yet lost
She wants me to trust you, I don't know what to do
The people I trust are very, very few
No, I think not, unless you prove to me
That we can trust you, until then we shall see
I know she wants to get rid of me
But integration has a very high fee
The pain of remembering all that I know
Will cause Little One to be the one that will go
1/26/99
Zoe wrote this when I resumed therapy and began to work on these issues, the testing of my poor therapist continued all year. I am grateful she is so patient because trust is still very hard for us
