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Far Away, So Close Giles pushed open the doors to the library. He needed to pick up a book he'd forgotten earlier. He smiled as he saw her. Willow was seated in her usual spot, her fingers typing out commands far beyond his comprehension. "Hello, Willow." She smiled up at him and as always, his heart swelled. "Hi, Giles." She noticed that his suit was not his usual tweed. "You look nice," she observed. "Oh, thank you." "Got a hot date?" she asked with a wink. "Um, well, I am taking Ms. Calendar to dinner." "Oh." Her face fell, and he had to resist the urge to comfort her. "And you?" Giles asked. "Shouldn't you be out with Oz?" A small smile graced her lips. "Yeah. He's picking me up here." Giles nodded and tried to ignore the conflicting emotions he always felt around Willow. On the one hand, he was glad that there was at least one boy in the school smart enough to see how special she was. On the other hand, he wished --- 'Don't go there, old man,' he warned himself. He cleared his throat and his mind and crossed to see what she was working on. "You don't have to do that tonight, Willow. It can wait until tomorrow." "I know," she said trying not inhale the spicy scent of Giles' cologne. "I just like it here. It's okay, isn't it?" She looked up at him with a sad little smile. He smiled gently, hoping his eyes didn't reveal his thoughts. "Of course. You're always welcome here." They looked at each other, seeing more than perhaps they should. Each sure that it was only wishful thinking. Each afraid to give their love to the other. Finally, Giles broke the spell and turned abruptly away. He strode into his office. "I forgot something. I --" He took refuge in the small room, needing to gather himself. He knew the feelings he had for Willow were wrong, knew he could never act on them. He'd hoped they would fade as he spent more time Jenny. He shook his head ruefully. It hadn't quite worked out that way. Jenny was just enough like to Willow to serve as a constant reminder of his feelings for the hacker. He sighed heavily, as he did so often these days. He could never tell Willow how he felt. Aside from the legality, it was just pure folly. Willow was in love with Oz, and he loved her. Giles glanced back at Willow fondly. Such a lovely young woman. So near and so completely out of his reach. 'Get a grip,' he told himself sternly. Plastering a smile on his face, he went back into the main room. Willow had watched Giles disappear into his office and let out a long shuddering breath. He was going out with Ms. Calendar again. She was happy for him. Giles deserved to have someone.She knew, as much as she wanted it, it would never be her. To Giles she was just a child. He needed a woman, and try as she might, Willow just knew Giles would always see her as little Willow. She'd fallen in love with him that first day in the library and had even allowed herself a few girlish fantasies. At first. Until they had become too painful. Unrequited love had seemed to be her lot in life. But then came Oz. She loved him, and she knew he loved her. But it would never match the things she felt for Giles. The Watcher was unattainable. An older man. An older man, she reminded herself, involved with an interesting, attractive woman his own age. Willow had resigned herself to loving him from afar, to taking those few precious moments life gave her and locking them away. She would be content to live in the shadows of his life. She pushed away those thoughts as he came back toward the main table. She saw him glance at his watch. "It's okay," she assured him. "Go on. Oz'll be here soon." "You're sure?" he said, hoping she'd ask him to stay. "Go. Have a good time." He nodded and smiled. "You too." "Thanks." He wanted to say something, so many things -- anything. 'Some things are simply not meant to be,' he thought sadly. He allowed himself one last look at her and started for the door. "Giles?" she called out. His heart jumped. "Yes?" he said, turning back to her. "What is it, Willow?" She looked at him for what seemed like an eternity and finally shook her head. "Nothing. Say hey to Ms. Calendar for me." He took a deep breath, sure she had wanted to say something else. "Give Oz my regards," he said with a wan smile. "Good night." He pushed open the doors and left Willow just as he had found her, alone in the library. The End |
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