Where the Heart Is 

Giles lazily opened his eyes and squinted at the alarm clock. 8am. He hadn't
slept so late in ages. He was rapidly becoming accustomed to his role as a
man of leisure, perhaps too much so. Best enjoy it while you can, he thought.

He closed his eyes and put the extra pillow over his head to block out the
morning sun. He'd been having a delightful dream and was hoping to reclaim it
before it slipped completely away.

He tried to remember what it had been about, but the hazy images merely
drifted across the edge of his consciousness. He chased it, but the harder he
grasped at it, the more illusive it became. Finally, it was gone altogether.
Leaving him with that slightly empty feeling of knowing happiness lay just
beyond your grasp.

He groaned in defeat and tossed the pillow aside. Time to get up and face the
day, such as it was.

He rolled out of bed and stretched. His left shoulder had been somewhat
troublesome since that encounter with the Brotherhood of Phetam last week. He
winced in pain as he tried to work out the kinks and banish the memory of his
rather anti-climatic rescue attempt. Once again, he'd arrived in time to be
thrown across the room and watch Buffy save the day. It shouldn't bother him,
he knew, she was the Slayer, but it had… He tried not to delve into the
reasons. Better not to think too much about why he'd wanted to be the one to
rescue her. Willow was saved and that was the only thing that mattered.
Still, he couldn't shake the niggling feeling that he should have saved that
particular day. All he'd really wanted was for Willow to be safe and yet, he
felt cheated. Ridiculous, really.

Sighing at his own folly, he found his glasses, donned his robe and headed
downstairs.

He put the kettle on for morning tea and noticed a small sweater draped over
the back of his sofa. He smiled to himself and went to retrieve it.

Willow must have left it here the other night. Another night of research and
gentle conversation. He gathered the sweater and unconsciously breathed in
the lingering scent of her perfume. He closed his eyes and could see her
standing before him, eyes shining, face so open and sweet. He smiled fondly
at the image and carefully folded the sweater, placing it on the counter.

The gentle smile and pleasant image of Willow were still with him as he
absently went to his front stoop to get the morning paper. Once he opened the
door, instinct took over and he was instantly wary. He scanned the area and
finding nothing amiss gathered the paper. As he started to skim the
headlines, he shut the door with his foot.

Wham!

He jumped as a loud thud came from the door. Something had hit it and hit it
hard. He quickly peered through the peephole and saw Willow standing outside
holding her head. He threw open the door and cried out in alarm. "Willow!"

"Ow."

He took her by the arm and pulled her inside. "Are you alright? What
happened?"

She shook her head and winced as the movement caused her head to ache.

Still holding her arm, he led Willow to the sofa and helped her sit. He
gently pulled her hand away from her forehead and saw the beginnings of large
knot developing. His brow creased in worry and sympathy. "You've a nasty
lump. I'll get some ice."

She started to nod, but thought better of it. Still was good.

Giles quickly returned with an icepack. He gingerly pressed it to her head
and she gasped in pain. "I'm sorry," he said.

She took the wrap from his hand and held it in place.

"What happened? You… you weren't attacked were you?" he asked his voice tight
with concern.

She didn't meet his eyes. "No. No, nothing like that."

He let out a long breath and nodded. "Thank God." He gathered himself.
"Good." He nodded again.

His heartbeat was slowing to an almost normal rate. He'd seen so much pain in
his life, too much, but somehow seeing Willow suffer always sent an acute
fear through him. He flexed his hands in an effort to keep from touching her,
but finally allowed himself to lay a tender hand on her hers. With his other
hand he moved the icepack away to closer examine her wound. He gently probed
the area.

She groaned.

"Should I take you to hospital? Do you think you need a doctor?" He pushed a
stray lock of hair away from her face.

"No," she said. "It's not so bad." Her face was regaining some of its color
as the initial shock of the injury started to wear off.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly as he held her hand more tightly.

She managed a small nod and finally looked him in the eye. She wished she
hadn't. His face was so kind, his expression worried affection. She hated to
disappoint him and knew when she told him her story, he would be.

Willow sighed, dipped her head down and spoke quietly and quickly.

"Iwasdoingthisspellandsomethingmusthavegonewrongbutitalmostworkedandthenigotdizzyand" She took a deep breath. "…and that's when I hit my head...
Do you hate me?"

"No, of course not. Never," he assured her. "But I must admit, I'm not quite
following you."

She sighed again, resigned that he should know the truth.

"I was doing a translocation spell-"

"What!?!" he yelled.

She flinched and held her head. "Oh, not so loud."

"A translocation spell?" he asked through clinched teeth. "Good Lord, Willow.
How… I…." He got up and began to pace.

"I knew you'd be mad."

He spun to face her. "Damn it, Willow." He took a calming breath. Yelling at
her wasn't going to help. He had to remain calm, find out what she was up to
and put a stop to it. "Perhaps, you should start from the beginning."

She nodded. "Okay." She frowned and then pinched her face in pain. Her hand
was shaky as she touched her forehead.

Giles' anger was gone in an instant, replaced by fear and concern. He crossed
back to the sofa and gently took her hand, guiding the icepack back to her
forehead. "Just tell me what happened," he said softly.

"I've been researching a lot of magicks." She cast a quick glance at Giles.
His was mouth pursed in a frown. "But I wasn't doing anything," she added
hastily. "Just reading and learning."

"Until," he prompted.

"Until today. I know I can do so much more to help, Giles. I mean, I know the
research is important, but I want to help. Really help. I think I have some
talent with magicks, but to get really good, you have to practice."

"But a translocation spell" He shivered at all the possible repercussions a
failed spell could have.

"I know, but think how handy that could be. I mean... Poof! There one minute,
gone the next."

"Willow, you could quite easily be gone… permanently. Magicks of this sort
are not-"

"I know." She sighed and recited. "Magick's not a game. It's not something to
be trifled with. It's a power older than time itself and should be treated
with respect and a healthy dose of fear."

He chuckled. "I guess I've given that speech one too many times."

She lowered the icepack and met his eyes. "No. I just remember it. I listen
to what you say, Giles. I really do."

Her trust and respect in him were a little overwhelming. He wasn't sure he
really deserved either.

"I just had to do something," she said despondently.

"You already do so much to help, Willow. We… I'd be lost without you."

She smiled gratefully, but shook her head. "You'd manage."

He started to protest, but she kept on.

"After everything that happened with Angel and the Mayor and then last week
with the Brotherhood." Her shoulder hunched forward. "I'm sorry you got hurt."

"Willow-" He reached for her hand, but she pulled away. The simple gesture
hurt far more than it should have.

She knew that if she let him comfort her, she'd just melt into his arms, and
forget her plan. She couldn't let that happen, it was too important.

"I know I can do more. I have to do more."

He nodded in reluctant understanding. "Tell me about the spell."

Her face brightened a bit. "Well, I went to Winslow Park, to be alone and I
held the amulet." She pulled out a necklace from under her shirt.

"May I?" he asked reaching for it.

She leaned in and held it for him to inspect. He examined it carefully, his
eyes growing wide. "Where did you get this?"

She pulled away and ducked her head sheepishly. "From an ad in the back of
Popular Science."

He choked and looked at her in dismay.

She shrugged and continued. "I'd already primed the crystal before I got
there. I figured I'd try something familiar first, something kinda easy... so
I thought about going home. You know, feeling safe and secure, welcome and
all that."

"What about your parents?"

"They're travelling again," she said sadly.

"Oh." He saw the loneliness behind her eyes and had to quash the urge to hold
her.

"Anyway… then I felt this dizziness and I kind of stumbled forward. The next
thing I know, I'm knocking on your door with my head."

He laughed softly. "So it worked, in a way."

"Yeah. But I don't know what went wrong."

"I think we should just count ourselves lucky that it turned out as well as
it did."

She frowned and touched her head.

"It certainly could have been worse, Willow."

"I know."

Gods, he hated her playing with magick. As much as he understood her need to
help Buffy, he couldn't stand the thought of something happening to her. It
was bad enough she was involved at all, but exacerbating the situation with
dangerous spells was simply too great a risk.

"Promise me you won't try that again."

"Giles," she pleaded.

"Willow."

"Giles, I know I can-"

He reached out for her hand and held it between both of his. His eyes were
piercing, his tone nearly desperate. "Willow, please…"

He looked so vulnerable. She hated seeing him like that. "Okay," she
whispered.

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "That's my girl."

If only, she thought wistfully. If only.

Willow smiled up at him. His relief was palpable. Their eyes met, both
grateful and sad. A myriad of emotions passed between them in an instant.
Understanding and regret, hope and disappointment, love and fear. Everything
impossible and distinctly near… the longing of two people separated by a
chasm of inches.

The kettle whistled. "Tea?" he asked pulling himself back to the present.

"Sure."

He squeezed her hand and went into the kitchen.

Willow sighed. She hated lying to him, but this was just too important. If it
could help save Buffy or Xander… or Giles, it was worth it.

And after all, if he didn't know, he couldn't worry. Right?

Giles, try as he might, couldn't get Willow out of his mind. Nothing unusual
about that, he thought. She seemed to always be in his thoughts, more and
more. And… in his dreams.

At first he attributed it to the inordinate amount of time they spent
together, but deep down he knew it was more than that… much more.

It had started as simple affection. She was so young and eager. How could
anyone not find the light she gave off appealing? Such a perplexing mix of
innocence and wisdom. A brave heart and quick mind. Somehow, as the years
passed, the affection became entangled with a growing desire. Initially, he'd
pretended it was some sort of mid-life crisis… but it didn't fade. With each
passing month the attraction grew. The days weren't complete if Willow wasn't
in them. If he didn't see her smile or hear her laugh, he was left feeling a
little empty.

He'd finally grown accustomed to loving her from afar, or so he thought.
Keeping a safe distance was becoming more and more difficult.

He found himself standing closer, speaking in softer tones, torturing himself
with the occasional touch. It was absurd, a grown man overwhelmed by the
slightest brush of her skin. His British reserve had been a useful armor, but
there was something about Willow that could break down any barrier.

Sitting in his apartment, he sighed. He was doing it again. Spending the day
thinking of her. His thoughts turned to yesterday. He knew he was
overprotective, but how could he let her put herself in danger? He knew she
was becoming more ardent in her desire to master magick. If his past were any
indication, the more he reigned her in the more she wanted to bolt. He feared
that some day, she would finally have enough and leave him. What if today
were that day? Best to keep an eye on her. She was bound to try again. He
could supervise, play safety. Then if anything were to happen, at least he'd
be there.

Knowing he had little choice if he wanted to keep her in his life, he decided
to tell her he would help with the translocation spell.

Giles grabbed his car keys and headed for her dorm.

**

Willow, try as she might, couldn't get Giles out of her mind. The look he had
on his face when he asked her not to do the spell again. The look she knew he
would have when he found out she'd lied to him.

She hadn't even done anything and the guilt was eating her alive. She
couldn't do something behind his back. She wouldn't.

But the spell was too important. She would try it again, but she'd be honest
with Giles first. She'd ask for his help, but no matter how much he protested
or reasoned or how adorably vulnerable he looked... she would try the spell.

*****

Giles found Willow just as she was leaving her dorm. "Willow!"

"Oh. Hi, Giles. I was just coming to see you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…I…" She paused suddenly unsure. "What are you doing here?"

"I was coming to speak with you. A-about yesterday actually."

"I know you're only trying to help, Giles, but I… this is important to me."

"I think you should continue your studies in magick… You do have so much
talent, Willow. Perhaps that's what has me so concerned."

"Really?"

"I'd like to help you. I won't pretend that I'm not uneasy about the casting,
but if you'll have me… I'd very much like to help."

"You would? I mean... really?"

He chuckled. "Really."

Impulsively, Willow jumped forward and hugged Giles hard.

He returned the hug tentatively, until Willow shyly pulled away. They both
blushed slightly and a nervous awkwardness filled the air.

"Uhm… you want to do it now?" Willow asked.

"What?" Giles sputtered.

"The spell… I meant the translocation spell."

"Oh… of…of course."

*****

Eventually, they found an isolated section of the park. Giles looked around
uneasily.

Willow smiled gently. "Don't worry. Nobody ever comes here."

He nodded, but kept scanning the area.

Willow noticed how the sun glinted off his glasses and gave his skin a warm
glow. "It looks good on you."

"What does?" he asked.

"The sun. You should spend more time outside, during the day I mean…You
look…" She trailed off embarrassed. She dipped her head and nervously tucked
her hair behind her ear.

Giles reached out and stilled her hand, tenderly pulling her hair free and
caressing it.

His voice was barely above a whisper. "So soft."

She smiled up at him, her face flush. It was his turn to duck away. He
stumbled through the moment.

"Uhm.. the.. ah, spell. Are.. are you ready?"

"Yup."

"Alright. Now, take your time. Concentrate, but don't push. Let the magick
come to you."

"Okay." Willow took a deep cleansing breath and nodded.

"Think about home," he instructed. "What does it mean to you? How does it
make you feel? Let the feelings guide you."

She nodded again, barely aware of his voice. She closed her eyes and grasped
the amulet.

Giles fought down the impulse to stop her. He knew he should probably back
away, but he couldn't bring himself to leave her side.

Willow felt her body start to tingle. It moved from her fingertips in toward
her chest. Just like before. Her breath quickened and she felt the beginnings
of the telltale dizziness.

Giles watched carefully. He could feel the slight static charge coming off
her. Her face paled and she seemed to phase out for a moment, then stumbled
forward. He reached out to grab her before she fell to the ground.

Willow gasped as she felt herself falling again. This time, however, instead
of conking her head on a door, she felt a pair of strong arms catch her.

Giles held her loosely to his chest. "Willow? Are you alright?"

She took a deep shuddering breath, trying to pull air into suddenly empty
lungs.

When she didn't answer him, Giles felt a wave of panic. "Willow!" He put a
hand on her cheek, tilting her head up.

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled. "Hi."

"How do you feel?" he asked his voice strained.

Lying in Giles arms, his hand touching her cheek, there was only one answer.
"Wonderful."

His brow creased in confusion. "I'm... I'm sorry." His hand stayed against
her cheek, his thumb absently brushing against her skin.

It was her turn to be confused. "Sorry?"

"It didn't work. You're still here." The mention of here seemed to bring
Giles back to reality. He was cradling her in his arms. Reluctantly, he
helped her stand.

"But, I felt it. It worked," she protested.

He gestured to the park and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure what
happened. I'm afraid I'm not much help after all."

It didn't make sense. Willow bit her lower lip in concentration.

There was something about that gesture that always made Giles' blood flow a
little faster, his heart beat a little quicker. He swallowed hard and tried
to ignore the sensation.

Willow was certain that the spell had worked. It felt just like the first
time. But, then again, the first time hadn't really worked, either. Or had it?

"Oh, well, " she said. "You win some, you lose some."

Giles seemed to brighten at that. "You feel quite alright?" She had such a
queer expression on her face.

"I am a little hungry."

He laughed softly. "That I can help you with. Can I buy you lunch?"

"Yeah, thanks." She smiled up at him and could feel him relax.

The spell had worked, she was sure of it. Pretty sure… well… one way to find
out. Tonight, she would try one last time.

Willow was starting to fall again. Only this time she didn't crash into a
door, or land in someone's strong arms. She felt something soft and pillowy…
kind of like a pillow… exactly like a pillow.

The disorientation faded quickly and she got her bearings. She was lying down
in a dark room, her head resting comfortably on a cool white pillow.

She heard a soft moan and realized she wasn't alone. She slowly turned her
head... 'Oh, Goddess.'

Giles rolled over and felt something soft and warm next to him. His hand
instinctively reached out and caressed it, a smile playing upon his lips even
before his eyes opened. The sensation achingly familiar, a fantasy played out
in his heat and mind, again and again.

He appraised her through eyes barely opened, his eyelids heavy with sleep and
passion. His gaze drifted down her face to her neck, her blush trailing close
behind.

His long fingers tangled in her hair, brushing it off her shoulder. His wrist
hung easily, casually, over her arm.

His eyes inched its way back up to her face and a hungry grin spread slowly
across his lips. "Hello, love," he whispered as his hand continued its wanton
exploration along her shoulder and down her arm before continuing along her
body.

Willow was frozen, struck dumb, she could neither move nor speak. The rumble
of his voice and the heat of his touch was too much.

Willow gasped as he brushed the gentle upswell of her breast. He raised an
eyebrow in satisfaction, his fingers spreading out to grasp more of her.

"Giles," Willow rasped.

He raised a finger to her lips and shook his head slowly. "How many times
must I tell you, love?"

She started to speak, but his hand went back to her breast and began to
massage her through the blouse. The feel of his hand and the depth of the
passion in his eyes left her speechless.

He leaned over and gently brushed his lips against her mouth, his breath hot
against hers. "You don't want to be punished, do you?"

Willow's eyes went wide. 'I must be dreaming,' she thought. This can't be
happening. She felt his lips trail down her neck…'Oh, Goddess… If I'm not
dreaming, then *he* must be…'

His tongue darted out to taste the crook of her neck. She gasped and could
feel him smile against her.

Bad Willow, Bad. You can't do this. It's wrong, even if it feels so… Oh!

His hand and mouth continued their investigation, making their way down her
chest, his fingers easily unbuttoning her blouse.

Reluctantly, she grabbed his hand, just as it reached her breast. "Giles."

"Love, what did I say…" he started as his lips stroked the cleft of her bosom.

"Giles," she said louder. "Wake up!"

"Hmm.." he breathed, hot against her skin.

"Oh, Goddess, please… wake up!" She let go of his hand, which still held her
breast grabbed his head, trying to push him away.

He pulled his head back his expression a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"Giles?" she said nervously.

He blinked a few times and then suddenly realization struck.

"Willow?" He stared at her. She blushed furiously. He swallowed hard and then
noticed that his hand was cupping her breast.

"Oh Gods!" he cried as he jumped away from her, falling out of the bed and
landing on the floor with a thump.

"Are you okay?" she asked scrambling off her side of the bed.

"Wh-what… what..." he sputtered, managing to stand.

Willow frowned equally flustered. "I'm sorry…I…" She ducked her head, but in
doing so noticed a rather obvious bulge in his pajamas. Her eyes quickly
darted away as she blushed furiously.

He saw her reaction and followed her gaze. "Dear God," he choked and grabbed
the blanket to cover himself. He quickly wrapped it around his waist.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry, Giles," she repeated as bit her lower lip.

He felt his body respond her gesture and began to fidget. He tried to pace,
but kept tripping on the blanket.

"What are you doing here?" he raged.

"I tried the spell again."

"Willow!" he bellowed. "Have you no sense?"

"I'm sorry," she wailed.

"What could you have possibly been thinking?" he bellowed. "You know how
dangerous that damned spell is!"

"I know."

"Damn it, Willow!"

"I know," she said softly.

"Are you all right?" he asked still almost yelling.

She nodded her head and his anger melted away. He took a deep a breath. "Are
you sure?"

"I'm fine."

"Thank God." He let out a long breath and sat unceremoniously on the end of
the bed. "Perhaps you'd like to explain."

"It's… well, it's kind of embarrassing," she started.

"Willow, I don't know what could possibly make this evening more
embarrassing."

She sighed and braced herself for the coming storm. It was time to come clean.

"Okay, the first time I tried the spell, I was in the park and ended up at
your apartment. I figured, I must have done something wrong. Right? I mean, I
like your place, I do and I spend a lot of time there... here… but it's not
really home, you know?"

He nodded.

"So then at the park the next morning. I tried it again and poof… I didn't go
anywhere. Another bust, but it wasn't… I felt it. I know it worked, but I had
to be sure."

"Be sure of what?"

She ignored him and continued. "I went home, to my parents' place tonight and
tried it from there. I thought about how home feels and…" She trailed off,
this was the moment of truth.

"And?" he prompted.

"I ended up here... there…here." She gestured to his bed. "It was you. Each
time - your door - now here - in the park - I didn't go home, cause I was
already with you."

"Oh."

"I'm know this really embarrassing for you, Giles. I'm sorry and I'm sorry I
tried the spell again without you, but I had to know. I had to be sure."

"Willow…"

"You don't have to say anything. It's okay. I didn't really need magick to
tell me anyway."

Giles was afraid he was still dreaming, for he'd dreamt of a moment so very
much like this one for so long. His legs felt weak, but somehow they managed
to carry him across the room.

He stood in front of her. Her eyes were brimming with emotion… such honesty
and love.

"I'm sorry," she said shyly ducking her head down to avoid his intensity.
"It's late… I guess I should go home."

"Oh, Willow," he whispered as he tilted her chin with a trembling hand. "You
*are* home."

He leaned down and captured her lips in a soft kiss.

Finally.

Home.