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What to look for to recognize a child who is sexually abused? |
What to look for to recognize an adult sexually abused as a child? |
Please let me know if the list below is helpful to you by e-mailing me at wilseykansas@yahoo.com.
THERE IS NO CLEAR, EASY ANSWER TO THIS. Every correlation with any single factor is pretty weak or just falls apart under close scrutiny.
This is a link to a copy of a report about a meeting of researchers studying child abusers and rapist that suggests how difficult it is to find common factors.
What do we know about adults who abuse children sexually? NOT MUCH!!! We know that they can hold any sort of job you could name: teacher, priest, minister, farm worker, office worker, etc. NOTHING about a person's job tells if they will sexually abuse children. Nor are homosexuals (male or female) more likely to sexually abuse children, contrary to common stereotypes.
Most reported abusers are male. But that may be partially because of cultural biases. Consider, for example, actor Don Johnson (of "Miami Vice", etc.) telling the story of his first sexual experience on "60 Minutes" a few years ago. He related that at 10 or 11, he 'got lucky' when the 16+ year old girl who was 'babysitting' him had sex with him. The basic facts as he presented them show a clear case of sexual abuse. But Mr. Johnson feels that it was a case of his good fortune; it's all in the way you look at it through your cultural blinders. And I doubt that he attributes any of his marital problems to aftereffects of the sexual abuse he denies ever happened.
Most abusers seem to have been sexually abused as children, themselves. This is a sad part of the whole sexual abuse picture. Just as domestic violence has been shown to be passed parent to child, so sexual abuse is 'passed' from perpetrator to victim who then becomes the perpetrators on the next group of children. But, statistically, MOST SEXUAL ABUSE VICTIMS NEVER BECOME PERPETRATORS. I have read no explanation of why that is the case.
So the stereotype of men who were sexually abused as children becoming "child molesters" themselves is not entirely accurate. When questioned about standard 'sexual abuse' events in their childhood, between 20% and 25% reported one or more abusive events in their childhood. Yet only a small portion of male sexual abuse victims ever become child sexual abusers. And what of the women that were abused sexually as children? What portion of them become "normal" wives and mothers and workers in this world? What portion become abusers?
-Refuses to let a child set any of his or her own limits?
-Insists on hugging, touching, kissing, tickling, wrestling with or holding a child even when the child does not want this affection?
-Is overly interested in the sexuality of a particular child or teen (e.g., talks repeatedly about the child's developing body or interferes with normal teen dating)?
-Manages to get time alone or insists on time alone with a child with no interruptions?
-Spends most of his/her spare time with children and has little interest in spending time with someone their own age?
-Regularly offers to babysit many different children for free or takes children on overnight outings alone?
-Buys children expensive gifts or gives them money for no apparent reason?
-Frequently walks in on children/teens in the bathroom?
-Allows children or teens to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviors?
Any one of these behaviors does not mean a person is sexually abusing children. Frequently, the most severe abuse is from the relatives of the abuse victim.
Feel free to e-mail me at
wilseykansas@yahoo.com with comments about this list or other related topics.
Last updated Jan 29, 2003