THINGS DOGS MUST TRY TO REMEMBER

THE GARBAGE COLLECTOR IS NOT STEALING OUR STUFF.

I DO NOT NEED TO SUDDENLY STAND STRAIGHT UP WHEN I'M LYING UNDER THE COFFEE TABLE.

I WILL NOT ROLL MY TOYS BEHIND THE FRIDGE.

I MUST SHAKE THE RAINWATER OUT OF MY FUR BEFORE ENTERING THE HOUSE.

I WILL NOT EAT THE CATS' FOOD, BEFORE OR AFTER THEY EAT IT.

I WILL STOP TRYING TO FIND THE FEW REMAINING PIECES OF CLEAN CARPET IN THE HOUSE WHEN I AM ABOUT TO GET SICK.

I WILL NOT THROW UP IN THE CAR.

I WILL NOT ROLL ON DEAD SEAGULLS, FISH, CRABS, ETC.

"KITTY BOX CRUNCHIES" ARE NOT FOOD.

I WILL NOT EAT ANY MORE SOCKS AND THEN REDEPOSIT THEM IN THE BACKYARD AFTER PROCESSING.

THE DIAPER PAIL IS NOT A COOKIE JAR.

I WILL NOT CHEW MY HUMAN'S TOOTHBRUSH AND NOT TELL THEM.

I WILL NOT CHEW CRAYONS OR PENS, ESPECIALLY NOT THE RED ONES, OR MY PEOPLE WILL THINK I AM HEMORRHAGING.

WHEN IN THE CAR, I WILL NOT INSIST ON HAVING THE WINDOW ROLLED DOWN WHEN IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE.

WE DO NOT HAVE A DOORBELL. I WILL NOT BARK EACH TIME I HEAR ONE ON TV.

I WILL NOT STEAL MY MOM'S UNDERWEAR AND DANCE ALL OVER THE BACK YARD WITH IT.

THE SOFA IS NOT A FACE TOWEL.  NEITHER ARE MOM & DAD'S LAPS.

MY HEAD DOES NOT BELONG IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

I WILL NOT BITE THE OFFICER'S HAND WHEN HE REACHES IN FOR MOM'S DRIVER'S LICENSE AND CAR REGISTRATION.

I WILL NOT PLAY TUG-OF-WAR WITH DAD'S UNDERWEAR WHEN HE'S ON THE TOILET.

                                                                                 James Herriot

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