Chapter 4

Variations 

    Bryan took his appartment-keys and was about to leave. Shane just came in and wondered.

    "Where ya goin'?" The guys wanted to have brunch together.

    "Ahm...Go for a little stroll? Take a walk with Lucas?" The blond boy managed to mumble.

    Shane knew that Bryan was trying to conceal something.

    "So, where's the dog?"

    Bryan gulped, then dashed towards the door, slamming it open, and dissappeared without closing the door behind him. Shane baffled and closed the door.

    Something was going on...And Shane didn't know what. This might have driven him mad, but there were a lot of problems for himself that needed to be solved.

* * * * *

    Bryan entered the bus watching out for Samantha. There she sat, in the last row, her face shining bright. She flinged her arms around his neck, enthusiastically. The boy held her close, kissing her passionately.

    The next station the two lovers got out of the bus.The sun shone through the treetops, hand-in-hand they walked down the path in the park, silently, until Bryan piped up.

    "Sam? Can I ask you something?"

    "Of course..."

    "I need to know...Do you love Kian? I mean, d'you really love him?"

    Sam tilted her head. "No, not really. I like him very much, but it's not love...I love you... But I thought...you know this..."

    Quickly he took her hands. "I know, and I wanted you to know that it is the same with me...I don't love Emily...Still don't know why I keep on going out with her...She's a very nice girl...And I know that she's not in love with me, too. So..." Bryan gave a little laugh.

    "A kind of security...assurance. But it can't go on this way..."

    Sam sighed. "I know, but it's damn hard. Who ever could have imagined that this might happen. Feelings can change." Suddenly a voice raised inside her, she heard Emily speaking: 'You'd better stop this right now. Stop cheating and tell Kian!'

    "You know, Emily adores Kian, and she knows about us, somehow! She is very sensitive, but she hides it perfectly...I don't know if she's gonna tell anyone...Maybe I should be first telling him..."

    She looked down to the ground, unsure whether to continue or to keep silent. Bryan tilted his head, he didn't know what to do, too. Quietly they wandered through the park St. Stephen's Green.

    "Did you recognized the affection between Shane and Han?" Bryan tried to start a conversation.

    "Yes...the same for Mark and Brianna..." But she didn't go on. Without speaking she turned to face Bryan. He seemed to be worried.

    "What are you thinking of?" the girl wanted to know.

    The blond boy evaded to look into her eyes.

    "I just thought about how this will go on, if our relationship has got a future..."

    "You will end? Break up?" Samantha tried to conceil her upcoming tears. Bryan noticed this, quickly he took her hands and squeezed them softly.

    "Hey...I didn't mean it that way...I just wanted...I can't go on this way, this endless hiding away.

    Sam was silent for a moment.

    "I know...And I know what to do, now!"

* * * * * 

    This night Shane wasn't able to sleep. He crept over to Marks room, hoping that he might help him. Shane knocked the door, anxiously.

    "Come in." Mark's voice sounded sleepily.

    Shane opened the door and saw Mark laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

    "Ahm, Mark? Can I talk to you?" The latter didn't move but said: "Yes, of course!" Now he turned to his mate.

    "What's the matter? Something's on your mind, I see it! Out with it."

    Shane hesitated, Mark looked at him. „You know that you can tell me everything, Shane..."

    "I know, but I don't know how to start!"

    "What about the beginning?" Mark grinned teasingly.

    "You know that Hannah...ahm...ahm..."

    Mark smiled again: "You like her, right? Fell in love with her?"

    His friend nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, but I don't know what to make of it all. Does she feel the same? I think she does, but I am not really sure..."

    "Why not tell her, ask her? This is the only way of getting clear about that, don't you think so?" Mark got up, taking a seat next to his friend.

    "But, what do you feel? Do you want it to be real? Or just for fun?" The black-haired boy tapped his mate's shoulder, a little worried.

    "No...Of course I want it to be real!" Shane shook his head furiously, pouting a bit. "But I mean..."

    Mark interrupted him: "Not only lust, but love? Really?"

    Shane stared at him, still pouting. "You should have known me better, Mark! But I mean, lust is something you want that you can have anytime. Love doesn't come around that often. Lust is more common, just physical. Love is more rarer and special. And this time it is special! Of course...I admit, I ardore her...But it's not only lust...Do you think she feels the same?"

    Mark smiled, in a very strange way. "I've noticed her timid admiration, the glare she gave you. I think she's just a little shy! Like you!" The black-haired boy wondered, Shane wasn't that type of guy being so bashful.

    His mate piped up: "I am not shy..."

    "Of course you are, apparently!"

    "I am not, no, never!"

    "And I tell ya, you are, you are, you are..."

    "I am not, not, not..." Shane was quiet for a moment. "Am I?"

    Mark almost splitted his sides laughing. 'Marvellous' he thought, 'Shane seems to be fallen for that girl head over heels. A very new trait..." The boy smiled apologizingly.

    "Of course you are...Really. Otherwise you wouldn't ask me for help, would you?" he mocked.

    Shane started again: "What about Brianna? There's something mysterious...Maybe something cruel had happened to her..." Shane eyed his friend extensively.

    Mark didn't react, pretending not to hear him. "But, if you want her, then tell her, let her know what you feel. This would be the best way, and the only choice. Don't you think so?" Mark got up, and tugged his friend out of his room.

    "I wanna sleep now. And you, think 'bout it! Good fight, good night." Mark joked and closed the roomdoor.

 * * * * *

    The phone rang, one time, and another. Once again, but Hannah didn't move. She was afraid to pick up the line. Anxious as she was the girl slowly raised her hand to grab the receiver. Suddelnly the ringing stopped, but a few seconds later it started anew.

    Hannah took heart and answered it.

    "Hello?"

    It was her mum. Hannah sighed with relief. Happily she talked and after she ended the call, the phone rang once again.

    "She forgot something...maybe to ask for the weather!" Han smiled, she thought that her mother had forgotten to tell or ask her something. So she picked up the receiver and said: "Hello!"

    "Hi?" Someone, a boy, answered with a timid voice.

    "Who is this?" The girl asked anxiously.

    "This is Shane...and who are you?"

    Hannah chuckled a bit, but said her name. Shane was quiet, Hannah, too.

    "Ahm...do you wanna go out tonight?" Shane managed to ask. "If you like..."

    Hannah was a little entangled. He wanted to go out with her - really? She couldn't believe her ears.

    "Hannah? Still there?"

    Friskily she said: "Yeah...What time?"

    "What?" Shane seemed to be in a jumble. Then he understand.

    "What about 9 o'clock?"

    The girl grinned. "Great..."
    "I'll come around and pick you up, ok? We could go to...anywhere you want to."

    Even after she ended the call, she stood there and held the receiver with both hands. This was only a dream, wasn't it? She could hardly believe it, but somehow she knew that this was reality.

* * * * *

    "Shane has just left. Think he's asked her out!" Emily called, but noone was listening. "Hey!" Her voice sounded quiete resentful.

    "Think he's gone on her...You hear me?"

Now Brianna turned her head, smiling goofily.

    "Oh, please God, help me! I'm going crazy..." Em sighed, then she was laughing away. She tried to keep a straight face, but it didn't work out. Brianna smiled innocently, looking around with a ridiculous glance. Mark had asked her out, too. Bry couldn't quiete believe it, but it was real, this was really real!

    "Are you dreaming?"

    "Not really, just a little dazzling...dreamy...like a dream..." Suddenly she snapped back to reality.

    "But Shane had just come around to ask where he could take her...Yesterday he asked her out."

    Bry let herself drop onto the sofa, still smiling that ridiculous way. But Emily had understood. Now she felt a little bit alone.

    'It's around Valentine's day, and I'm not in love, oh...I am, but not in response...Everyone's gonna go out, except me!' she thought melancholic. Bryan wasn't that bad, but it was Kian who she really wanted, not anyone else! She knew that she wasn't in love with Bryan and she also knew that she would hurt him, but she was hurt, too.

    But somehow she was happy, for Bry and Hannah. It took so long to get them coupled, and now? They all got so far. Except herself. She was the only one without a date for tonight. Kian would never ask her, she was sure that there was nothing he would feel for her. Although he had to have noticed Sam and Bryan flirting.

    Oh, talking about Sam! She hadn't been outside her room for now about two days, she didn't even want something to eat. She just laid on her bed, crying, sobbing. Emily thought that Bryan left her to choose, Kian or he himself. And she was right. He didn't want to go on this way, secret meetings, not to let the others know what he felt. Sam had decided what to do, but she wasn't sure how to tell Kian. Emily didn't care. She despised her for hurting Kian that way, she would never have done anything like that.

    But what could Emily do? It was not her turn to ask for love, that's what she had realized. She went out with Bryan three or four times, but just to show Kian she wouldn't wait forever. But he was blind, didn't he recognize how she felt inside? She would break up with Bryan and he wouldn't be sad, either, no, he had realized that he wasn't in love with her, too.

    "Em!" called Brianna. „Em! Hey! Stop dreaming! Back to business..." Bry tapped her friend's shoulder. Emily looked at her, confused. She couldn't quiete believe this.

    "No, I'm gonna go now!" Brianna stared at the girl taking her jacket and leaving qiuckly. Before closing the door Emily waved her goodbye, then she was gone.

    Brianna smiled, she knew that her friend felt for Kian, not for Bryan. And she also knew where Em would gonna go. She would end the relationship to Bryan. She didn't love him, she just wanted not be so all alone. The same for Bryan. He was in love with Sam, but Sam was together with Kian, so, what to do? Em was sensitive enough to see all the hurt they had been through, that's why she wanted to break up. This was the best thing to do at the moment.

    Bry went upstairs, to her room, took her diary and started writing. She wrote about her first days in Dublin and about their problems. And she also mentioned her personal problem.

    "He hasn't a clue what to do, this all is too complicated. I don't know if I should tell him about it, but he's on the verge of going crazy with me, I can feel it...Maybe he'll give up in despair, but I don't wanna lose him!"

    She closed her diary, hot and salty tears ran down her cheeks.

* * * * *

    Timidly she knocked the door.

    "Bryan...are you there?" Noone answered. The girl turned around and got herself going to leave.

    Promptly the door slammed open, Bryan came out, furiously.

    "Emily?" The blond boy was a kind of surprised but he knew why she was there.

    "Yes...it is me..."

    Bryan led the girl into the appartment. She stood in the middle of the room, ill at ease. Her self-conciousness was like blown away. She didn't managed to say something. But she had to!

    "Bryan..."

    "Hmm?" The guy felt the same, uneasy and uncomfortable.

    "Bryan...We need to talk...now!"

* * * * *

    Emily went home, not taking the bus, she needed to get some fresh air. Was she now going to lose anything she wanted so badly? Everything, her friends? Just because of lying to herself?

    Sam used not to be one of her best friends, but the time they spent together when they were in school together, was the best time ever. These 3 years ago they were best friends and now???

    Emily knew that she had done wrong, in lying, being so rude and devastating. But this was no reason to end a real friendship, and she thought this was a real friendship. The girl wished to die, she didn't want to go on this way. Without her friends her life would be nothing worth anything, but being death inside!

    Her friends were the best ones she'd ever have, Emily didn't have a lot of friends, though. And was she now gonna lose these special ones?