Seasons In The Sun
Chapter 10 :Mark
Anyway...I guess it's over
"Maybe I don't know you. Maybe that's how I never saw it. I thought you'd never love any one but me, I thought you'd never even think of doing this, I thought you'd never keep a secret from me." "It was for your own good! Surely you can see I did what I did out of love?" "Yes, you did what you did with Kian out of love." "Oh Mark, do you really believe that? Do you?" She walked out of the room before I could answer her. My first instinct was to go after her and tell her no, instead I ran to the door and shouted after her, "I guess it's over."
She stumbled, she fell against the wall and looked back, "Oh Mark, Oh God no Mark, think it over, what we have is meant to be, don't let Kian's selfishness take that from us. He told you because this is what he wanted, an end to us." "He got his wish, there is no us." I shut the door and leaned against it sobbing, after a while someone tried to push through the door. I yelled at them to go away, and to my amazement it was Kian. I let him in and told him in explicit language exactly what I thought of him. He didn't even flinch. Then he spoke, "Very true words Mark, I am a selfish bastard, and I know I have no chance at all with her, her heart is yours, well and truly. I want you to know it was my fault, she had no clue it was me until the next morning, she kept calling me Mark all the way through it, that's when I realised what I was doing. It wasn't how I wanted to be with her, I wanted her to love me for who I was, not for thinking I was you. I envy you Mark and what you have." "What I had. We're finished." the shock on his face showed, it turned to misery, "Finished? Over? Oh, Mark, you know as well as I do you can't live without her, and she can't live without you. I don't expect you to forgive me, but for your own sake, forgive her." he walked from the room. The worst thing was I had to on stage in a couple of hours time and sing love songs, love songs I always associated with her and what we had. An hour later I was getting ready with the rest of the lads. I no longer felt like I was one of them. At that moment I hated Nicky and Shane for having what I already missed, Bryan for keeping their secret and Kian for turning her against me. Shane and Nicky physically dragged me to see the girls' performance. They'd thrown together a new set quickly, and now it was all for me, Nicola sang leads in all three songs, "Why does the sun go on shining? Why does the sea rush to shore? Don't they know its the end of the world cause you don't love me anymore? Why do the birds go on singing? Why do the stars glow above, Don't they know its the end of the world it ended when I lost your love. Why does my heart go on beating? Why do these eyes of mine cry? Don't they know its the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye" then one of our own songs, "I can't sleep, I just can't breathe when your shadow is all over me, don't wanna be a fool in your eyes, cause what we had was built in lies and when our love seems to fade away, listen to me hear what I say, I don't wanna feel, the way that I do, I just wanna be right here with you I don't wanna see, see us apart, I just wanna say it straight from my heart, I miss you" then "Go ahead and listen, just give in to the voices, you think you're backed into a corner, but you've got so many choices, you're a long place from some where you feel safe, peace of mind comes from just one place, all of the happiness you seek, all of the joy for which you pray, it's closer than you think, it's just a hundred tears away." Normally she would come running off stage into my arms and if she had I honestly think I would have let her back in my heart. She met my eyes at she approached. I put an arm around her shoulders and guided her to our dressing room, and kicked the rest of the guys out. "I can't deny it Nicola, I love you. but I don't think I can forgive you." the light that I loved about her left her eyes and tears took its place, "I'm not sure I can live without you, but I need time to get my head around that." she looked up with renewed hope, "All the time you need Mark, I'll be waiting. You know where to find me."
I walked to the door and she said, "Wait."