Seasons In The Sun

Chapter 11 :Mark

How can I leave when everything that I adore and everything I'm living for is in you?

I looked at her, wondering what else there was to say, "There's something else you should know. You're going to be a father." I felt like I'd die. The one thing I'd always wanted, our child and now was the worst time for it to come along. I asked the most cruel question in the world, "How can you be sure it's mine?" she winced and said, "I'm ten weeks gone." I walked away, I didn't know what else there was to say. I would see how I held up without her. But even then I knew I couldn't be without her. I just needed time to get my head around what had happened. I knew she didn't love him, because she was half of me. I knew I'd hurt her, and I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty, because she'd hurt me so much it almost killed me.

The other lads called me then to start the show. I let myself go, and thought only of the fans. Despite trying to concentrate my thoughts on the performance, Nicola kept slipping into my thoughts, the banners helped. Fans congratulating me on my marriage. What a joke our marriage was! For two years she'd lied. Two years the three of them shared that secret. But I loved her, I couldn't lie to myself. But we needed time apart. She flew home later that night, after a brief chat with Bryan. All she said to me was that I wasn't to blame Bryan, and that she'd be staying at Bryan's flat, that was where I could find her. I should have stopped her. I shouldn't have let her go. Everything I was living for was in her, literally. She walked away and took my baby with her. Everything I ever wanted went with her. I needed to talk.

I went to Bryan first, to get his version of the story. "I have to confess Mark, I was even more shocked than you. But she was devastated when she woke up. You should have saw the look on her face." "Guilt?" "Yes, but not in the way you think. She felt awful that she'd let herself go like that. She was genuinely shocked to see Kian there, and her scream was pure agony, and terror." I started to cry again "What am I gonna do Bryan?" "You're going to get over it. You know you are. Sure, she made a mistake, but this is just a bump in the road. You're meant to be, You won't be without her, because wherever she is, you will be." "She's pregnant." There was a long silence. "How do you feel about that?" "That I should be happy, but it came at such a bad time-" "No it didn't, it's a sign, my friend, that you shouldn't be apart. We get home tomorrow night, just go this next day without seeing her and see how you feel. I bet you come home with me." And so I slept on it. I tried to think of our good times, the unusual way we met, our whirlwind courtship, the first time we made love.

But every time I started to smile, I saw her with Kian in my mind's eye. I woke up the next morning none the wiser.

Chapter 12

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