/bryan_world.jpg)
Seasons In The Sun
Chapter 16: Mark
You'll find it in the deepest friendships, the kind you cherish all your life.
|
In the last six months of Bryan's life, we saw that he had everything he wanted. But it broke our hearts to see that there was one thing he wanted (besides his health) that he couldn't have, a woman to love. |
We made a new album and released two singles before Bryan's impending fate hit the headlines. There was a leak at the hospital. Across the world fans mourned, it was the subject of many chat show phone-ins, speculating on how this would affect the fans, not once did they mention their support for Bryan as he bravely worked on, and travelled everywhere to tell the fans how he appreciated their support, and how he loved each and every one of them for fulfilling his dream: it had mattered that he'd lived. He returned home in January 2010, looking the worst I'd ever seen him. I knew in my heart that he was in a great deal of pain, despite his brave face, and silently I prayed that his suffering would end soon. Approaching Nicola's due date (February third), Bryan was admitted to hospital where they could make him more comfortable. On January-thirty first, we got a phone call from the hospital to come at once. I didn't even ask her to stay home this time, as I had done a few times before, she was heavily pregnant. She held me tight, knowing it was time.
/bryan_shane_nicky.jpg) |
Bryan's skin was taking on a grey tone when we approached him. Nicky and Georgina were there, holding back the tears for his sake, for he'd told us many times not to let him remember us crying. Kian was in the corner, his shoulders shaking. I stepped up to the bed and put a hand on his arm. He opened his eyes to look at me, it took so much effort and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, he managed a weak smile. |
I took Bryan's hand, and felt him attempting to squeeze it. I swallowed over the lump in my throat and ordered myself not to cry. He didn't like to see us cry. But it hurt, oh how it hurt to see him in such pain, not long now.
| I couldn't stand to see my oldest
friend is such a state of agony, I prayed for it to end for him, so he
could go to a world where there was no pain, only joy
Nicky was trying so hard to keep his sorrow from showing, but I could see it anyway. I knew what he was thinking, and I kept praying for Shane to show up soon, lest he be too late... |
/Bryan_performing.jpg) |
When I fell into the room, the sight that greeted me took my breath. I was last to arrive, and Bryan looked awful. I knew it'd be the last time I saw him. I took a place a the foot of the bed, and Kian stepped up beside Mark, their problems forgotten in this time of grief.
Despite myself, I felt a tear run down my cheek. I felt the strain in Bryan's arm as he reached up to wipe it away. He managed a faint smile, and in an even fainter voice said, "Now, don't you let me remember you crying, remember me in the good days, and think of me only as happy." I saw him wince in pain and the tears fell harder. "Not long now, the pain will soon be gone" Those were his last words. The machine monitoring his heart flatlined, and we all sobbed to see it end. I still had hold of his hand. The nurses left us to our grief, they didn't do anything to try and save him. It was kinder to let him go. I could feel his presence in the room around us in the moments after he died, then he was gone, just like that.
Twelve years of friendship, and it ended as his eyes closed, and he fell asleep. His suffering was over, and it left a look of peace on his face. None of us would sleep that night anyway, so we all went to our place, we sat up all night, talking about Bryan, and all these little memories that soon had us smiling, then laughing, knowing that that's how Bryan would have wanted us to be. The conversation turned to Bryan's funeral, and we all became somber again. Bryan wanted to be cremated. Like Nicola, he couldn't bear the thought of his body underground. In his coffin, we all wanted to place something that would celebrate Bryan's life. I knew what I wanted to put in, it was the same as Nicola was thinking, the photograph of the three of us at our wedding, the one that had us laughing for hours, Bryan running around on his tip toes wearing her veil and talking in a girly voice. I missed him so much already. It was four thirty when I noticed Nicola wince. I panicked instantly, but she assured me she was fine. She winced again when she went to the kitchen for more drinks half an hour later. I went after her. "I saw that" I told her "What?" "You winced. You're in pain." "Well..." I raised my eyebrows "Is it?..." "I think so" And so our grief was turned into joy as Nicola gave birth at eight am to a perfect baby girl. "It's Bryan's gift to us, one life ends, and another begins" I told her. "What shall we call her?" "I always said I'd call my first girl Melissa. I know you want to call her Michelle." "Melissa Michelle?" "No, Michelle Melissa. But we'll call her Missy." Georgina was overjoyed at seeing her. "She's got her daddy's eyes." Nicky leaned over her shoulder "She's just Mark looking at you"
Naming Nicky and Georgina god parents, we christened her three weeks later, Michelle Melissa Feehily. Bryan's parents adore our little girl, and of course they'd held off Bryan's funeral to await Nicola's discharge from hospital. She would grow up hearing about her uncle Bryan, and how she'd almost gotten to meet him.