This is in some ways the
easiest and at the same time hardest question to answer.
It is so simple. Too simple.
The answer is like saying "God is love." Simple but
if you don't even begin to understand the words, the ideas, the
beliefs, well then the answer might as well be "The shufla
is bartoo."
Of course Nike might have
said it best. "Just do it."
You have to believe. No amount
of outside support can replace the inner support. The inside
support is all that matters. Support yourself. Believe in yourself.
That's it. Believe in yourself.
So simple but so hard to
do. For a million reasons. Should we go over a few of them?
For starters, in order to
believe in yourself, you have to be a believer. And if you are
a believer then you believe in something outside yourself, bigger
than yourself, to start with. Life, God, nature, humanity, your
family, art, justice, equality...something. To paraphrase an
existentialist, people either believe in something or don't know
they believe in something. This second group is most of us. Faith
is hard, and a little scary. It threatens our rational self,
and let's face it, believers go around inflicting their beliefs
on others a lot of the time; although one could argue that a
true believer would not do this.
Nonetheless it makes sense
that you have to have the capacity to believe before you can
believe in yourself. And then there is the question of actually
believing in you(me). Hard.
The artist is the ultimate
individual. I don't mean that in the qualitative sense, but in
the descriptive. The artist has to listen to the self. For this
the artist will be ostracized. That is understood. Don't fight
it. The group demands unity. The artist cannot give it without
compromising what makes them an artist in the first place. This
is a given. The artist must go it alone, and this requires enormous
self-belief.
And like I said, self-belief
is a little scary. Threatening. If you have given up on believing
in yourself, people who do are strange and intimidating. Fear
breeds hate. Non-self-believers love seeing self-believers go
down. And don't confuse self-belief with arrogance, although
they may look and seem the same. Non-self-believers usually find
self-believers arrogant, and sometimes they are, but it is not
the self-belief that makes them so. Not directly anyway. Self-belief
is very powerful. Power can be misused. Anyway, my point is that
one rarely gets support for self-belief from the group for good
reason. Don't expect it.
Belief in one's self is natural
at birth and gets built up and torn down along the way. If mothers
have it they can give it. If siblings have it they can give it.
If peers and teachers have it they can give it. If they don't
they can take it away. Most of us barely make it through. It
is a survival test most of the time, and with a little bit of
luck we make it to adulthood with some still intact. Then the
fun really begins. We are almost completely on our own, and it
is a war. We can be worn down by the group in a minute. What
may have just been mean as a kid is a fact of life as an adult.
DOG EAT DOG world.
So now here we get to the
real question: am I any good? But the real real question would
have to be: In relation to what? To whom? Is being good comparative?
Does it involve being better or worse than others? Most of us
have learned to say "yes" to those questions, in fact,
unless you went to school by yourself at home, you only know
how to grade yourself in relation to others. It is most of what
we learned in school.
And that is the group. School
is the group, by the group, for the group... So the question
has to be framed in individual terms. Only you can answer the
question: am I any good?
And when you do understand
this, "good" will take on an entirely new meaning.
Nothing to do with prowess, but goodness as it is really meant.
And this new understanding will test your faith anew, because
you will be even more alone. In the end, however, what you may
have to offer the group will be the only good you could ever
have given it.
Of course you are not alone.
If you believe in yourself then you believe in those other things.
To appreciate is to believe. Art, light, nature, etc. Competition
fostered by a society built on comparison makes it hard for artists
to appreciate other artists, especially different artists. Letting
go of the need to achieve approval from the group, be they artists,
galleries, critics, parents, teachers, collectors, neighbors,
etc, is essential not only in establishing your own inner support
system, but in freeing you up to fully appreciate those in the
same boat as you: your fellow artists--a support group alienated
from the word go.
Keeping your inner faith
strong is an everyday job. Like tending your garden or brushing
your teeth. The truth is that it is something you do with every
breath. If you can do that then you will be good for sure. The
hard part is that a million obstacles will stand in your way.
The slightest negativity that catches you off guard can pull
you off your path. Here are a few examples:
Someone you care about ignores
your new work.
Galleries reject you.
Your parents keep focusing
on your job.
Your work is not selling.
Your work is not being well
reviewed.
Someone suggests you have
been influenced by someone else.
Others keep equating your
personal success with sales.
Your studio time is dismissed
or not respected as real work.
These are just a few examples
of experiences which if allowed to take hold will erode not only
your self-belief, but your productivity as a result. Most of
them are passive and therefore hard to put a finger on and hard
to combat. They are weeds which must be plucked before they take
over. Pay attention. Numbness will not protect you. You need
to:
Believe that what you are
doing is worthwhile.
Believe that you have the
right to choose to be an artist.
Believe that art is good.
Believe that you and only
you "have" to care whether you even do it.
Believe that you are good.
And do it with every breath
morning, noon, and night until it is as natural as breathing,
and then never stop. No apologies, no guilt, no blame, no bitterness.
With light, with peace, with good will.
Addison Parks/Artdeal(All
rights reserved), July, 1999
