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A ChaoSatanic Black Mass Magical Representationalism Prelude to the Black Arts

Heaven and Hell
by Richard Arbib

By now, most of you have read about Timothy McVeigh’s confession to a Catholic priest right before he was executed--his way of ensuring his place in Heaven rather than Hell, which is where most people had hoped he would go. Many probably wonder whether it’s fair for a remorseless mass murderer to be rewarded with Heaven after death rather than be sent to Hell for punishment. But when it comes to the afterlife, the Lord works in strange and mysterious ways.

Just who is deserving of Heaven or Hell and what those places are like once you get there should be of paramount concern since eternity is a very long time. Fortunately, the Bible is clear on how one gets to Heaven. “Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us.” (Titus 3:5a) And more importantly: “He that believeth on Him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” (John 3:18) These two passages make it clear how one gains admission to Heaven or Hell. It’s not a matter of the good deeds (or sins) you do during your life, it is all a matter of your belief in Jesus as the Son of God and your Saviour. There are variations on this theme from one denomination to another, but this is the basic premise of salvation.

From that basic premise, it can be assumed that many people who lived nasty lives will still go to Heaven and many good people who lack the “proper” set of religious beliefs will go to Hell. There is an informative web site which gives some interesting examples of famous people and where they are now in the afterlife. According to the web site, www.christslove.com , those residing in Heaven include Dr. Josef Mengele, the “Angel of Death” at Auschwitz-Birkenau Concentration Camp, a “devout Catholic” and “good Christian,” Jeffrey Dahmer, a cannibal and serial killer, who studied the Bible in prison and was baptized in 1994 (before being murdered by a fellow inmate), and Hernando Cortez, Spanish explorer who “felt it was his duty as a Christian to destroy every trace of the Aztecs. He was forgiven for wiping out an entire race of people, and every trace of their culture. He was forgiven, and you will be too!” All you need to do is profess your belief in Jesus and ask for forgiveness. It’s that simple!

Who’s going to Hell? “Bad” people? No, it’s anyone who has not believed that Jesus is the Son of God and asked for forgiveness. Since only 30% of the population of the world identify themselves as Christians, this means that at a minimum, 70% of all the people are going to Hell. But wait—there’s more! Among the remaining 30% of the world that is Christian, there is great disagreement among themselves whether all the Christians will go to Heaven, or whether certain technicalities will keep some out. If only half the Christians are disqualified, (and that’s probably a conservative estimate as many Christians believe that other denominations don’t hold the proper beliefs for salvation), then we only have maybe 15% of the population going to Heaven and 85% going to Hell. Clearly, Hell is going to be a much more crowded place. This seems particularly unfair since the Pope has always preached against birth control. Not only has this led to overpopulation in this world, it will create a real problem with overcrowding in the afterlife, mostly in Hell. According to www.christslove.com , some of the people now in Hell include Mahatma Gandhi,, Anne Frank, Carl Sagen, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Asimov (who was a Mensa member). These were all great, wonderful people, but unfortunately, not one of them was “saved.”

With so many bad people going to Heaven and good people going to Hell, one wonders if there is any justice in the Bible. But don’t worry; there is justice after all. Near the end of his life, Mark Twain wrote a short, but remarkable book, Letters from the Earth. In this book, Satan has come to Earth to watch over God’s “experiment” with the people he created. Satan is observing this and writing letters back to the angels to let them know how things are progressing. (The entire text of Letters from the Earth is available online at www.positiveatheism.org/hist/twainlfe.htm Near the beginning of the book, Twain (speaking as Satan) writes:

For there is nothing about man that is not strange to an immortal. He looks at nothing as we look at it, his sense of proportion is quite different from ours, and his sense of values is so widely divergent from ours, that with all our large intellectual powers it is not likely that even the most gifted among us would ever be quite able to understand it.

For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race--and of ours--sexual intercourse.

It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water!

His heaven is like himself: strange, interesting, astonishing, grotesque. I give you my word; it has not a single feature in it that he actually values. It consists--utterly and entirely--of diversions which he cares next to nothing about here in the earth, yet is quite sure he will like them in heaven. Isn’t it curious? Isn’t it interesting?

That’s what Heaven is like, according to Mark Twain’s Satan. While the book was written as fiction, if you read the entire text, I think you’ll find so many truths in it you’ll agree that it was divinely inspired--just as much as the Bible.

So where is the justice in all of this? Right now, Timothy McVeigh is in Heaven with Dr. Josef Mengele (who’s ready for new experiments) and Jeffrey Dahmer (who’s ready for his next meal) -- and he must stay there for all eternity with no sex! Fortunately for me, I won’t be there with them. I’ll be going to the other place, having long discussions with Isaac Asimov and Albert Einstein, when I’m taking an occasional break from an eternity of sexual activity.

And where are you going? It’s not too late to save yourself from Timothy McVeigh’s fate. You can start by logging on to www.churchofsatan.org

Best wishes for a happy afterlife!

Copyright 2001 Richard Arbib
All Rights Reserved