We have been watching after Mom for almost 8 years now. She has been going downhill pretty much gradually, and once in awhile I look at her and wonder who she is. She looks so different from the mother I remember. I know her days are numbered, and I struggle often with my feelings about her passing. She is just like a 3 year old child now, does what we tell her to do and believes anything we say. My husband told Mom he was going to paint her room black, and she almost cried until he told her he was teasing. She takes everything so literally, but I guess it is because she is so totally dependent on us for assistance – bathing, cooking her meals, washing her hair, paying her bills, etc. I just pray she won’t have to suffer much in the process of her life ending…

We are managing about the same in our little part of the world. Mom doesn’t go out anymore, but entertains herself with television. We take care of her shopping, washing, cooking, etc. She seems to be pretty well adjusted to her limited lifestyle and doesn’t complain very often. She does have pretty good health, despite her limitations. My aunt just had heart surgery – I find it very interesting to note that she has spent most of her life having annual physicals, eating properly, exercising a lot, walking constantly – and yet she has more physical problems than what Mom does, when my mother did nothing to preserve her health, didn’t have physicals, didn’t exercise, no walking, no special diets. It seems to me that some of what we expend our time doing to prolong our lives is really nothing more than a waste of time and an illusion of sorts. Yes, we can do what is reasonable to stay healthy, but I don’t think we can totally escape the progression of time on our bodies. I am beginning to think that longevity of life has more to do with what you SOW than with what you EAT!!

We taught Mom how to microwave meals we make for her, when we are at work. We call every ½ hour to check on her, to make sure she is alright. Mom also has a small refrigerator, which we put her food into – She eats when she gets hungry. She keeps her breakfast and lunch portions there, along with fruit, juices, sugar free cookies and things she can much in-between meals. It gives her a feeling of control and choice. My husband and I both knew at an early age that we would care for our parents when they became old – We felt this was the will of God, and we knew when the time came we would be there for our parents. I also realized years ago that there was a lot of bitterness in me over areas in my childhood where I felt Mom should have protected me – but I have learned that a lot of things she never even knew about, so I was wrong to punish her and withhold myself from her for not helping me out. She too did what she could with what she knew, which sure wasn’t much at the time. But I had to learn to see her as a person with limits, and to forgive her where I felt she had failed me. When I was able to do that, our relationship changed for the better. I realized that she is not just my mother, but a person who needs my company, support and nurturance. There is a scripture which talks of God restoring the years that the locust has eaten – I think that applies here. God can restore all the years which appear to have been totally wasted between us, and give us a relationship that heals and restores us both. One day it will happen, I am sure of that. We both still work outside the home, Mom just oversees the dog and answers the phone. We just get by the best we can and stretch what we have. Wisdom is very important to me, because when it comes down to it, if you are wise with God’s wisdom, you can get through the hard times without them tearing you apart. And wisdom teaches you how to manage while others are losing everything. Wisdom endures – Money does not. So much for the sermon.

My husband has a new job – He goes in at 5AM, so he gets up around 3AM. Mom gets up with him so he can fix her breakfast and then she goes back to sleep until I get up at 7AM to do my chores before going to work. Mom goes along with this agreeably since she really doesn’t have much choice. She can sleep all day while we are at work, but we have to be in bed early if we are to keep up with everything. Each day I see more and more reversals. First it’s making her meals, like she did for me – then it’s bathing her – now it’s setting bedtimes, like she did when I was in grade school. Everything that goes around surely comes around, doesn’t it? Mom wears a catheter full-time now and we have to empty it out regularly. She also keeps having accidents on the sofa and floor, so we mop a lot too. She doesn’t get the signal that her bowels need to move until they are actually moving – of course, then it’s much too late! I am grateful that Mom is still here with us, despite the progressive problems. She has been a wonderful support to both of us through all our financial ordeal and hasn’t hesitated to help us out when necessary. I owe her a debt I will never be able to repay. It was a very rocky road for Mom and I when we moved back in together in 1983, but I wouldn’t change it now for anything. It was worth every bit of the struggle to have the relationship we have now!

Mom said she would rather just pool our resources and then spend whatever is necessary for her care, so now I pay all her bills and am her guardian. She said she doesn’t have anything she needs or wants and certainly wouldn’t get as much attention or care in a nursing facility or by herself.

Mom said she saw her grandparents, mother, sister, father, childhood best friend in a dream last night. They were all smiling and motioning for her to come across a stream.