Part 12
Note: The lyrics used in this part are from Fly to Heaven by Pollyanna Dorough with back vocal by Howie Dorough, written in the memory of Caroline Dorough.


" Are you ready?" Chris asked, walking into Joey's room. A month has gone by and they had lost hope to see JC alive again. Except Lance who had sworn on his live that he had seen him. And Justin didn't know who believe. Lots of argument at taken place, ending in screams and tears. So now they simply avoided the subject.

" Yes, I am. Do you think Just and Lance want to come?" Joey asked, walking out of the room with Chris.
" And have another 'I saw him' episode? I don't think it's a good idea."
" What's not a good idea?" Lance asked, rubbing his eyes and standing in the doorway of his room.
" Hum…" Chris started, playing with his shirt. " We're going to a fundraiser. Wanna come?"
" What kind of fundraiser?" The sleepy man asked, walking closer to his friends.
" For the lupus. We promised Howie we'd go months ago." Lance nodded and went back into his room.
" Give me a few minutes." He walked back into the hall and banged on Justin's door. " Curly, move your ass we're going to a fundraiser."

After hearing the groan he was waiting for, Lance disappeared again. Chris and Joey shrugged and went into the living room. Knowing it would take at least 30 minutes for Justin to get ready. They sat on the couch, Chris' legs moving with the rhythm he had in his head.

" I'm not taking care of him tonight if he freaks out again. I did my duty. He doesn't want to understand I won't force him. But I won't carry him out of there if he acts up again." The eldest said as he remembered their last public appearance. Lance had screamed his head off; convinced JC had been there. They had tried to calm him but he hadn't listen. Him and Justin had been forced to dragged Lance outside.

Joey nodded and they remained silent until the other two were ready.

~*~

" So what's the fundraiser for? Who else's gonna be there?" Justin asked flatly from the backseat. Joey glanced at him in the mirror.
" Lupus. It's the Caroline Dorough-Cochran Lupus Memorial Foundation." He said quietly, ready for the blow he knew would come from his younger friend.
" WHAT? We're going to a fundraiser organised by a Backstreet Boys? We're gonna get killed but all those fans. I don't wanna go. Leave me here, I'll call a cab and go back home."
" Justin…" Lance warned weakly. He didn't want to fight. " It will be okay, you'll see." The deep voice said calmly. Justin calmed down immediately and leaned against Lance's shoulder. The blond man fought the tears threatening to fall while Justin didn't hide them.
" Think about it like that Curly: We're going there for a friend who lost his sister two years and a half ago and who's raising money to help other people. You should understand. You have your own foundation. And you did loose someone who was like your brother recently." Chris said the last part slowly, not sure how the two men in the backseat would react. Lance only bit his lips and looked at the window.

A large crowd welcomed them but they didn't get any negative reaction. The security guys led them immediately inside and showed them where to go. Lance and Justin kept their eyes down, as if afraid to look at anyone. When they finally reached the VIP section the two youngest member of the group relaxed and allowed a small smile on their lips.

Chris guided them toward the back of the section until he saw a familiar face. Then he broke apart from his friends, a huge smile on his face, and hugged an older woman. He made small talk with her while the three remaining member of Nsync stayed on the side.

" Hey guys! What are you doing here?"

They all turned around and came face to face with Howie who was looking at them with concern in his eyes. Justin avoided the Howie's gaze, finding a new interest into the walls.

" We told you we would come." Joey said cheerfully but it sounded false and they all knew it.
" Yeah but after what happened…" Howie trailed, not knowing what to say. He looked around and saw Chris." I see Chris found my mother." He said, smiling before turning back to Joey. " Look, if you don't wanna stay I'll understand. You've been through lots of stuff lately."
" No. We're gonna be fine." Lance said, offering a sincere smile to Howie.
" Okay. If you say so. I gotta go now. I have to find Pollyanna."

Howie disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Joey glanced at Chris and saw him waving madly at them. They joined him right before the auction began. Howie was on the stage, thanking everyone for their participation. He did blush when people bid on a date with him and laughed loudly when he saw Chris bidding on the date. From the balcony of the VIP section Lance was scanning the crowd, unconsciously searching for JC.

" Hey Justin. Isn't JC?" Lance asked, pointing at someone in the crowd. Justin started to stand up but was stopped by Chris.
" Lance, I think you should sit. The show is beginning."

As in cue, the music started and Lance returned to his seat. Chris was beside Howie's mother, holding her hand, giving her support. Pollyanna and Howie's voices filled the place as they sang Fly to Heaven.

**So many things I should have said to you
I had the chance and let it slip away**

The lyrics cut right into Lance's heart. Deep down he knew he should just accept the fact that he wouldn't see JC again. But he couldn't bring himself to believe it.

**If I could fly up to heaven (if I could fly up)
Just to see you one more time (just to see you one more time)
I'd fly all the way to heaven (to heaven)
Just to say that I love you**

Slowly, Lance's eyes filled with tears. He didn't know if it was because of the emotions Pollyanna and Howie were putting in the song or because deep down he was thinking the same thing, but the song touched him. He blinked back the tears and concentrate on the rest of the song.

**(Angel de la guardia) Now I lay me down to sleep
(Dulce compania) I pray my heart and soul I'll keep
(No me desampares) And if I should die before I wake
(Ni de noche, ni de dia) In your arms my soul you'll take**

Lance moved so he could get a better look at the stage. He was amazed by the display of emotions he was seeing. And the crowd was unusually quiet. The song ended and he turned around to see Howie's mother crying softly, Chris running his hand on her back supportively. It wasn't long before Pollyanna walked back into the VIP section. He left his friends and walked to her.

" It was beautiful." He said through his tears. Seeing him breaking in front of her, Pollyanna quickly embraced the young man and felt him trembling and sobbing. Feeling helpless, she looked around and saw Howie coming behind her.
" Shhh, it's okay." She said softly as Howie gently pulled back Lance and brought him to a closed area where he knew the blond man could cry peacefully.

Howie remained silent while Lance was crying on his shoulder. He knew his pain wasn't the same the rest of the group was going through. He wasn't blind and had seen the look in Lance's eyes. The tears weren't because he had lost of friend, but because he had lost his lover. Lance finally calmed down and straightened his position.

" I'm sorry." He sniffled and looked at the floor in shame.
" It's okay. I understand." Howie replied, looking at Lance with concern.
" How could you?" The young man snapped, immediately regretting his behaviour. " I'm sorry."

Howie shook his head and placed a comforting hand on Lance's shoulder. " It's still fresh in your heart. It's normal you feel this way. But I do understand what you're going through."

Howie paused, knowing he had the attention. " You know my sister died two years and a half ago?"

Lance nodded, waiting for Howie to continue. " I didn't get to see her before she passed out. We were at the MTV awards when I got the call. I didn't make it in time. When I arrived at the hospital, she was already gone. The next day I was back on tour with the Backstreet Boys. It was hard. I never got the chance to mourn her correctly. She was like a second mother to me. It must be really hard for you because you loved him deeply."

" Yes I did. I still do. We…we could have been great together." Lance said, thrusting Howie to keep it down.
" Remember…if he's not beside you, he's always there." The Latin man said, placing his hand on Lance's heart.

At the same moment, they heard footstep and saw Justin's head pecking his head in. The curly man sighed in relied at the sight of Lance.
" I was worried. I couldn't find you anywhere until Pollyanna told me I would find you here. Are you okay?"

Lance nodded, though he knew he probably looked like shit with his eyes red. He stood up and walked to Justin.

" I need air." Justin nodded and started walking out. Lance turned to Howie. " Thanks Howie." He said weakly before following his friend outside.

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