Part 13
Lance took a deep breath as he stepped outside. He hadn't bother to ask where they were heading but was glad Justin had lead them in the parking lots, far away of the crowd. The curly man was holding him tightly by the waist and Lance gratefully lean on him. They reached the car only to realise they couldn't leave without Chris and Joey.

" Do you want to go back inside?" Justin asked softly, looking down at Lance.
" No. I'm fine here." Lance said, shaking his head and leaning closer to Justin.

Acting on the moment, Justin kissed Lance's forehead tenderly. Lance closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Without thinking the younger man placed a tentative kiss on Lance's lips, surprised to feel him respond and lean into the kiss.

" Lance…" Justin breathed, pulling apart. " I'm not in love with you. I care a lot about you but I'm not in love."
" I know. I'm not either. But I need this Justin. I need it right now. If you're willing to…"

Justin interrupted him with a kiss that was returned eagerly by Lance. They kissed as if their whole life depended on it. Lance let his hands travel on Justin's body, trying to touch every inch he could. He needed something real, needed to know he was still alive and not only waiting for someone he knew he would never see again. Deep down he knew Justin was feeling the same. They were so much alike. Sometime it scared Lance. But right now, he was glad they were.

Glancing around, Justin searching for a place to go. Having sex in a parking lot wasn't the wisest thing they could do. While searching he never stopped kissing Lance. He had moved to his neck, feeling more breathless as time passed by. Lance reached for Justin's shirt and pulled it up slightly. Two strong hands moved under it, caressing Justin's back.

" Lance…we can't do this here. People will see us."

Without a word Lance pushed him against the car and opened the door. Justin smiled and dragged Lance inside.

" I'm glad Chris forgot to lock the door." Lance said before resuming his kissing and pulling Justin's shirt off.

~*~

The crowd had slowly disappeared and most of the people who were still at the fundraiser had continued the evening at Tabu, Howie's club. Chris and Joey had left early, worried at the sudden absence of their younger friends. It was late when everyone finally left, leaving Pollyanna and Howie alone in the club, chatting softly until the door opened furiously, interrupting their conversation. Pollyanna was the first to stand and came face to face with someone who was obviously crying. She sat him down on a chair and immediately went to the bar for a coffee. Howie made he's way toward the man and gasped in surprise.

" JC? Is it you?" From the lack of reply, Howie reached for his shoulder and shook him softly. " JC, talk to me?"
JC looked up sadly at Howie, a single tears falling on his cheek. " I hurts so much Howie. I think I'm gonna die from inside."
" I don't want to sound harsh JC but people already think you're dead. What happened?" Howie said, trying to stay calm even if inside he was shocked to see JC.
" I couldn't go back D. It was my entire fault, everything that happened to Lance. I needed time to think. I needed to deal with the guilt I was feeling inside. I wanted to come back but I'm not ready yet." Howie took a deep breath, trying to keep his anger inside.
" Do you realise what you've done? You let people think you were dead. You've hurt the people who love you the most. You could have think without letting them down. You haven't seen them, seen the pain in their eyes. Damn JC!" He said, raising his voice at the last words.
" I saw it. I never left completely. I couldn't bring myself to leave Lance completely. I stayed around and watched them from afar." JC said, looking down.

Pollyanna walked back with a cup of coffee and gave it to JC. He took it and silently thanked her. She looked at Howie and he nodded lightly. She gasped and immediately sat down.

" So you're telling me Lance wasn't going crazy when he said he saw you. Do you know what you're doing to him? He loves you so much." JC snorted and glared at his friend.
" I don't think you can said that anymore. I saw him. I saw him with Justin. It was very obvious what they were doing."

Howie stared at him, trying to understand what JC was insinuating. When it hit him he was taken aback. He couldn't imagine Lance and Justin doing…it. He tried to find the words to comfort JC.

" Look, I think you need a good night of sleep. Maybe you'll feel better tomorrow. I'm still very confused by the whole situation."

JC nodded and stood up. Howie took him by the shoulders and guided him toward the door. He looked back at his sister, silently asking her if she would be all right alone. She nodded rapidly and waved at him before sitting back down on her chair.

~*~

" So what did you do after you mysteriously disappear in the middle of the evening?" Chris asked, sitting on the couch in the living room.

Lance glanced nervously at Justin. They didn't feel guilty about what they had done. Both knew why it had happened but they didn't want to say it. Justin, saying how nervous Lance was, sat down on the couch beside Chris, never loosing his cool.

" We talked. We both needed that and I think we both feel better now."

Chris nodded while Lance sighed in relief. He didn't feel like explaining his behaviour. Justin understood him but he knew Chris and Joey couldn't. Lance and Justin had indeed talked. They both agreed it was only their desperate state that had made them do what they had done.

It wasn't long before Joey and Chris left them alone in the living room, heading for their bed, exhausted after their evening. The two younger men stayed in a comfortable silence until Lance broke it.

" Thank you Justin. For tonight." Justin nodded and looked right into Lance's green eyes.
" I needed this as much as you did Lance. I think it's harder on us because he was my best friend and he was your lover. He was always around me." Justin sobbed the last sentence. Lance's eyes watered as well and he moved closer to Justin.
" I still can't bring myself to think of him in the past." He breathed and hugged Justin gently. " Somehow we'll get through this Curly. It will be hard but I'm sure, someday, the pain will stop. I can't see the day but I know it's somewhere in front of us." Lance said, his voice deep and calming Justin's sobs.
" Can you hold me tonight Lance? I don't want to be alone. I need someone beside me. I need to know I'm not alone. I feel so lost without him. He was my strength, my big brother, the one I could rely on." He held on Lance firmly as if afraid he would disappear into the night.
" I will Justin. He was my strength too." Lance whispered before dragging Justin toward the bedroom. He missed JC so much and if Justin was missing him just as half as Lance was, he was probably very lonely.

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