Howie didn't know what to expect from Nick. A day at the arcade. A game of basketball. It could have been anything. Anything but that.

Nick had dragged him outside and together they had walked around the city, their bodyguards following them discreetly. They finally ended in a park with a little lake. They were almost alone, save for some grandmothers taking a walk with their grandchildren.

They both sat and made small talk, joking and just catching up. After a while, Nick tried to pick up Howie and throw him in the water. Howie knew what was happening and as soon as he saw the blond man making his move, Howie ran away, Nick following him very closely.

Soon enough, laughing and running made Howie breathless. He fell on the ground in a fit of giggles. Nick caught up with him and fell over him, laughing. He managed to tickle him for a few minutes but he was laughing too hard. His head fell on Howie's shoulder and his breath was shaky. When his breathing was finally back to normal, Nick raised his head. His eyes immediately found Howie's and both of them were locked in each other eyes.

Howie's nervous laugh broke the moment and they both looked away. Nick got off of Howie and sat. His stomach growled, making Howie smile.

" I'll go get us something to eat." he said.

Howie left Nick alone for a few minutes, searching for a fast food. Nick sat on a bench and closed his eyes, a sweet smile on his face. It felt like forever since him and Howie had had so much fun together. He even let himself think that maybe everything was back to normal. Maybe. He might have been surprised and happy but he wasn't stupid.

Nick heard footsteps and opened his eyes.

" Hey Howie D." Nick said, grinning.

" Hey Nicky C." Howie said back, smiling widely.

" What's up baby?" Nick said, reliving a moment of their video "A Night Out With The Backstreet Boys". It had become a running joke between them. But this time Howie didn't laugh. Instead he frowned.

" I got us some McD's." Howie said, holding the bags up.

They ate in silence, both thinking about the same thing. Nick was the first one to voice his thoughts.

" D?"

" Yeah?" Howie replied quietly.

" I missed you. I missed this." Nick said, gesturing to the space in front of him. He turned his head and looked directly at Howie.

Surprised by Nick's words, Howie feigned ignorance. " What do you mean? It's not like you never see me."

Nick sighed and looked away. " Nevermind"

Howie tried to ignore the guilt he felt inside and the sadness in Nick's eyes. But he couldn't.

" We should go back now" Howie said, avoiding Nick's eyes.

Nick nodded and followed Howie, his mind somewhere else. Obviously Howie didn't miss him.

On the way back to the hotel, Howie stopped at a store and looked for a new laptop. He was already feeling better just looking at the different laptops he could find. He knew he would be able to talk about his day with his friends He could find someone to talk with about Nick.

While they were in the store, Howie didn't see Nick eyeing the laptops. He didn't see Nick talking with one of the bodyguard. He missed the determined look on Nick's face. He would have seen all that if he hadn't been busy thinking about the young man.

Once back at the hotel, Howie didn't lose anytime and went straight to his room. Nick followed him quietly, pretty sure Howie wouldn't see him anyway. In the room, Nick stayed in the shadows and like he had thought, Howie didn't even notice him.

Howie plugged his computer and turned it on. Nick observed him all the way. He saw Howie plugging his two laptops together and transferring whatever was on his hard drive. When it was done, Howie clicked on some icon and was soon logged on mIRC. When it was done, Howie went to the bathroom. Nick took this chance to look at Howie's laptop. He only needed one thing. Only one single thing.

'Dinthehouse is logged on'

Nick grinned and walked out of the room, just in time before Howie walked out of the bathroom. In the hallway he met his bodyguard and his smile grew wider when he saw the little package. He grabbed it and run into his room. He did all he had to do to be able to log on the internet…soon enough he was able to go on mIRC. He had seen a few friends going on there and he knew how it was working.

As soon as he was connected he made a 'where is' research on Howie. Nothing could describe his surprise when he saw Howie was on a gay channel. He hadn't expected that. He stared at the screeen for a few minutes until it was obvious it wouldn't change. Howie was on a gay channel.

Nick started shaking. Did it mean what he thought it meant? He was pretty sure of it. But he wasn't sure he knew how to deal with it. He didn't know how to react. But something inside of him told him maybe it was his chance.

" A chance at what?" Nick asked out loud, suddenly afraid of what he was feeling.

He shook his head and joined the channel, hoping he could go unnoticed. Unfortunately he didn't have this chance. He almost screamed when he saw who was talking to him.

Dinthehouse: Hey
Blueshark: Hey

Nick swallowed and kept looking at the door, expecting to see Howie walk in at any moment.

Dinthehouse: They gave me the responsibility to welcome every new 'friend'. Welcome.
Blueshark: Thanks.
Dinthehouse: How are you?
Blueshark: Good.
Dinthehouse: First time here?
Blueshark: Yes.
Dinthehouse: You're not very talkative huh?
Blueshark: No.
Blueshark: Tell me more about you.

Nick didn't realise he was sweating. He didn't realise it until he felt something wet fall on his hand. He took his shirt off and stared at the screen, waiting for a reply.

Dinthehouse: I'm 27. I've know I was gay for years but never admitted out loud until recently. I have to tell my friends soon but I can't bring myself to do so. Mainly I don't want to tell them because I'm in love with one of them. And I could loose my job if word got out that I was gay. So I'm keeping it for myself and talk about what I feel here. I'm not afraid to be judge. The people here are my friends. They're always there when I need to talk about him. When being close to him becomes to much and I have to get away before I explode. This place is my heaven, my reality. Here I can be me.
Dinthehouse: Your turn now. Why are you here?

Nick sighed and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands. He could do it. He just had to talk with his heart.

Blueshark: I'm not sure I'm gay. Until tonight I hadn't thought about it.
Blueshark: Tell me about this friend you're in love with.

In the other room, Howie smiled. He liked it when someone was willing to listen. It reminded him of Nick.

Dinthehouse: He's amazing. He has this energy. He's this young boy. I've known him when he was just 13. And now he's a grown up man and he's amazing. He makes me feel good inside. I love him.

If Howie wrote anything more, Nick didn't see it. He stood up and walked to the door. His hand on the doorknob, he wondered what he should do.

And he couldn't ask Howie for an advice. He was on his own.

He hoped he made the right decision.


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