But what are they? Where do they come from?
And what do they want ??
Andrew,
Andy, André, Andrea, Andreas - all shapes and sizes, colours and
creeds. You know at least one of them and several of them live in your
street.
But what do you KNOW about them??
Are you aware that they are NOT HUMAN?
This is no cranky conspiracy theory - consider the facts :-
In their
tender formative years, those of my generation had their moral values
undermined by the androgynous Andy Pandy
and his brazen floozy, Looby-Loo. After each TV episode these two would
jump into bed together along with their friend Teddy. And why did our
parents not see how we were being corrupted? Why, because they had already
been softened up for this assault by the aptly named Andrews
Sisters who insinuated their messages of depravity into our parents'
subconscious with those dangerous boogie rhythms.
Evening entertainment/brainwashing consisted of the evil Eamonn
Andrews (AKA Seamus Android) who would sit people on his settee
and ritually bore them to death with their own scrapbooks. What a fine
example to decent English folk! This is where the Moors Murderers and
the Yorkshire Ripper found their inspiration!
More
sinister use of the media by the Andrewoids (and even more damaging) includes
the fiendish invention - Andy Capp. The message
is clear: lie on the settee all day, smoke fags, booze, gamble away all
the household money. The adoption of this role model has not only led
to the decline of true manliness but also to the greatest scourge known
to earthlings - *Feminism* !!
Meanwhile the upper echelons of our society have been infiltrated by Prince Android the Helicopter Pilot and his depraved bimbo, Fergie (notorious for poor fashion sense and selling Michael Appleton to Preston North End). Royal biographer Andrew Morton sits at the cash register.
Then,
having wormed their way into the very fabric of our society, the Andrewoids
have sought to cement their position by being "useful" (Handy Andy) while
all the time their true purpose is to weaken and impoverish humankind
with their products. Take, for example, that vile and poisonous concoction
known as "Andrews Liver Salts". The debilitated victims of this
handy product are forced to purchase yet another (Andrex) while all the
time the Androids are cleaning up, financially and otherwise.
Another Andrewoid boon to mankind was a little thing called RMS Titanic,
designed by none other than (yes......you guessed it) a Mr Andrews.
Our sports have been invaded too. St Andrews in Scotland is the home of a game invented specifically to drive humans insane, while St Andrews in Birmingham is home to some of the worst elements in the game of football which cannot be redeemed even by their manager, the affable and maligned genius Mr Francis.
It may already be too late to save Deepdale. At Old Trafford the club
of the Red Devils is already in the grip of the inhuman and the ungodly;
this infestation is spreading inexorably and anyone in Preston who still
thinks that this poses no threat has probably not noticed that....
"Andrew Stainton" is merely an anagram of . . . . .
* Red Satan in town! *
