Leif I Jacobsen (Norway) Contact the author
Contents:
- BIRTH OF A SALESMAN
- DREAMING OF CHINA
- MYSTERY (next page)
- PARENTAL JOY (next page)
BIRTH OF A SALESMAN
A short piece for the theatre
A
bar, just opened in the early afternoon hours. A female bartender, LUCY, is
occupying herself with cleaning dust, polishing glasses, etc. She is working
inefficiently with a certain laziness in her movements. Only one customer, FRANK
- a middle-aged man, is sitting by the counter, smoking, drinking.
There's
a moment of silence. Then enters BILL - another middle-aged man.
FRANK
Bill?!
BILL
Hello
Frank!
FRANK
You
here? I must be hallucinating!
BILL
Well,
it has been a while, no use denying that.
FRANK
Take
a seat!
BILL
[Sits next to him.]
Thanks!
[To Lucy.]
A
beer, please.
LUCY
Coming
up.
[Pours a glass of beer.]
FRANK
So,
how's life?
BILL
Ask
a man who has one.
[To Lucy as he pays her.]
That's
all right, keep the change.
LUCY
[Dissatisfied that the tip does not amount to much.]
This
must be my lucky day!
FRANK
That
bad, eh? What do you do to stay alive?
BILL
I
breathe.
FRANK
I
mean; what do you do for a living?
BILL
I'm
a door salesman.
FRANK
Really?
How's the market for doors then?
BILL
I'm
not selling doors, you know. What I meant was; I go from door to door selling
stuff.
FRANK
Ah,
you're one of those! What kind of stuff?
BILL
Mostly
hearing-aids.
FRANK
Hearing-aids?
I wouldn't have thought there was much money to be made in an odd business like
that.
BILL
You're
right; there isn't. My best customers don't
hear my ringing their door-bell.
FRANK
All
right, I can see why you're feeling miserable.
BILL
Well,
that isn't my greatest worry at the moment. You see; my wife and I are expecting
our first child. A son. Nowadays, of course,
it's possible to establish the child's gender very early in the
pregnancy. Everything seems normal,
but we're both frightened that something unexpected may occur. To tell the
truth, I don't know which one of us is going through the greater ordeal.
Actually I'm on may way to the clinic now to support her during labour.
According to the doctors the baby is likely to pop out before sunset. I just
popped in here for a quick beer to soothe my nerves.
FRANK
I'll
be damned! My congratulations to you, old nicker!
[Proposes
a toast by lifting his glass; they drink.]
BILL
Thanks.
I feel I need all the good wishes I can get. Just the thought of what's actually
going to happen - I mean; the shear wonder of the whole thing - pains my...
LUCY
[Interrupts as she puts a bowl of nuts on the counter in front of him.]
Nuts?
BILL
...soul.
[To Lucy.]
No,
thanks.
FRANK
Well,
you must be proud. I know I was, that's for sure.
BILL
I'm
sorry. I'm only thinking of myself these days. I tend to forget that most men at
our age have become fathers long time ago. And as for you, I remember how you
always dreamt about...
LUCY
[Interrupts again as she puts a plate with slices of melons on it in front of him.]
Melons?
BILL
...kids.
[To Lucy.]
Thanks,
but no, thanks.
[To Frank.]
Yes,
you loved them because you said...
LUCY
[Persistently talking about the melons.]
They're
really juicy.
BILL
...they
were God's greatest gift on earth.
[To Lucy.]
I
don't want any, please!
[To Frank.]
So,
I guess by now you must be having nearly a whole bunch of kids of your own, eh?
FRANK
No.
I've only got...
LUCY
[Interrupts for the third time as she places a basket of small breads on the counter.]
A
small white loaf with garlic butter on?
FRANK
...a
son.
[To Lucy.]
For
God's sake; what's the matter with you, woman! Can't you leave us in peace!
LUCY
Oh,
we're a bit touchy today, aren't we? I was only trying to do my job!
FRANK
Well,
we don't need any of your delicacies today, thank you!
LUCY
Lost
your appetite, have you?
FRANK
No,
it's just that we would have appreciated...
LUCY
[Rapidly brings out a bag of sweets from her own pocket and places it before him.]
A
taste of my personal sweets?
FRANK
...some
privacy, I was about to say.
[To Bill.]
This
is unbelievable!
BILL
In
some ways I wish you were right. But I'm afraid the situation is all too real.
[Finishes his beer.]
I'd
better be going. Nice talking to you after so many years.
FRANK
I
assure you; the pleasure is mine!
BILL
Give
my regards to your lovely wife, and your son - although I've never met him.
FRANK
Well,
actually...he's...not here.
BILL
[After a pause.]
Where
is he then, your son?
FRANK
Abroad.
BILL
Abroad?
Yes, well, why not? Better schools, better job opportunities, better public
services...
FRANK
He's
in jail.
BILL
[After yet a pause.]
I'm
sorry...I didn't know...
FRANK
Of
course not. How could you?
[Sips his beer.]
I
don't know what went wrong.
BILL
If
there's anything I can do...
FRANK
No,
there isn't. But thanks, anyway. You'd better go to your wife now.
BILL
Yes,
you're right. I'd better.
FRANK
Just
one thing before you leave, out of curiosity: if you were asked to stake out a
future for your son - what would it be?
BILL
I
don't know. If everything works out the way it should, I guess he'll become a
salesman - just like me.
Curtain.
DREAMING OF CHINA
A short piece for the theatre
A
sunny day in the park. WENDY, an elderly woman, is sitting on a bench resting
her feet. She's humming to herself and enjoying the nice weather when ARTHUR, a
man the same age as her, approaches the bench. He's staggering and shivering a
bit, as if he were in the very early stages of Parkinson's disease. In one of
his hand he's carrying a small suitcase.
ARTHUR
Do
you mind?
WENDY
[Does mind, but being polite.]
No.
I guess it's all right.
[Gives place to him by moving as far towards the opposite end of the bench as possible.]
Be
seated if you like.
ARTHUR
Thank
you.
[Sits down with some difficulty.]
WENDY
[Notices his staggering and shivering.]
Parkinson?
ARTHUR
No,
not Parkinson; Peterson, actually. But you may call me Arthur.
[Reaches out his hand.]
WENDY
[Shakes it reluctantly.]
Wendy.
ARTHUR
Wendy.
What a nice name.
WENDY
I
hate it.
Their
hands separate. There's a moment of awkward silence. Wendy starts humming again.
ARTHUR
Nice
bench this. Do you come here often?
WENDY
No.
ARTHUR
No.
I didn't think so. I've never seen you here before. I come here often enough,
though.
[Pause.]
Do
you know what time it is?
WENDY
[Looks at her watch.]
Half
past three.
ARTHUR
Good
Lord, I knew it! Way past departure time! But I take God as a witness; it isn't
my fault. I was delayed by a defective traffic light up at the Main Street
intersection.
[After a short silence.]
Well,
it looks as though I won't be leaving today either then.
WENDY
Leaving?
ARTHUR
Yes.
I'm on my way. To China.
WENDY
China,
you said?
[Mumbling to herself.]
Jesus...!
ARTHUR
Yes,
I'll be travelling by boat, I think. In fact, I was on my way to the harbour
now. But there's no use trying to find a ship headed for China at this time of
day.
[After a pause opens his suitcase and pulls out a china figure of Buddha.]
Look.
[She glances.]
It's a Buddha.
[He fingers it.]
Yes, it's made of pure china.
[Reaches it to her.]
Here, feel how smooth it is.
WENDY
[Touches it lightly, more reluctant than ever.]
It feels smooth all right.
[Watches him put the Buddha back in the suitcase again.]
Are you going to bring it with you?
ARTHUR
Yes.
Why not. There's plenty of room in my suitcase. Besides, there's a chance I may
not come back. And if I left it here, I would never see it again.
WENDY
[After a pause.]
What do you want to go to China for?
ARTHUR
I
don't know. It's hard to explain. Mainly to have a look around, I suppose. It's
just a dream I've had for so many years.
WENDY
How
do you think you're going to cope, if I may ask? Do you speak the language?
ARTHUR
No.
Not yet. But I guess it's the sort of thing one picks up.
WENDY
[Not at all convinced.]
I see.
ARTHUR
What
about you then; have you ever been to China?
WENDY
No.
Not me. Never.
ARTHUR
[After a pause.]
You can come with me if you like.
WENDY
Are
you crazy?!
ARTHUR
No.
Not entirely. I just thought it would have been nice if you would join me. Of
course it's a long journey. We might stay for a few days in Istanbul.
WENDY
Look,
I'm not going anywhere, is that clear?
ARTHUR
By
all means. I just don't want you to have any regrets after I've left.
WENDY
I'll
manage, don't you worry.
ARTHUR
I
understand. Perhaps it's for the best that I go by my self, anyway. It's a trip
not without its dangers, and I wouldn't want you to risk anything for my sake.
[Yawns.]
Pardon me, I'm beginning to feel the strain of all the planning and
preparation for the journey. I'm looking forward to a little after-dinner nap on
my sofa. Fortunately I get a hot meal delivered at my door every day from the
Elderly Centre. Twice a week I also attend Day Care gatherings. Last time I was
a bit unlucky during coffee hour, though. When I rose form my chair to wave the
King goodbye, there was a wet spot on the seat. And I hadn't noticed anything.
[Pause.]
Every Tuesday we play Bingo. I've won a potted plant and four kettle
holders. Yesterday I put the plant in the oven.
[Pause.]
Luckily I forgot to turn on the heat. In China, of course, I'm prepared
to content myself with mostly cold meals.
[Yawns again.]
I'm terribly sorry, but I'd think I'd better be going home to gather
some strength. Tomorrow's no doubt going to be a strenuous day.
[Rises form the bench with even more difficulty than when he sat down.]
You see? I'm still fitter than most people!
[Reaches out his hand again.]
Well, goodbye then. This has been a most enjoyable conversation.
WENDY
[Gives his hand a gentle squeeze and speaks for the first time with a little compassion.]
You just take care of yourself.
ARTHUR
I
will. I will.
[Starts to walk, but halts after a few steps, turns.]
By the way, if you should be here tomorrow...
[Doesn't quite know what he wants to say.]
WENDY
Yes.
Maybe.
[He waves to her for the last time and then continues walking. When she's certain he's out of earshot, she speaks her mind.]
I don't think so.
Curtain.