I WANNA BE ELECTED!
Did you ever think about what you would do if you were the president of the United States? I have done a lot of thinking of what I would do if I could become president. The problem is in order to become president, you need to you need to full of shit you need to lie to people and you have to tell it like it ain't, but I will still focus on why I would like to become president. For 1 thing, I would be unlike any president this country has ever seen. The people of this country and the planet desperately need new ways of looking at things.
A serious major issue that our beloved crooked government and corporate media doesn't want you to know about is how this planet has become so overpopulated and there is way too much breeding going on and we are on the brink of major catastrophes, which includes poisoning the air, poisoning our food, the breakdown of the ozone, global warming and fucking up our environment. I am strongly opposed to the government of China with their fascist human rights violations, but there is 1 thing about their government that I strongly support and that is they are promoting an awareness that this planet is overpopulated and their policy of only 1 child per parent.
As president, I will focus on family planning, instead of family values, but better yet, not planning a family at all. With that in mind, people may be wondering what my views are on abortion? Well, abortion is 1 of the most beautiful things in the whole world! There are not enough abortions and it shows! A lot of people never think about the good things about abortion! Just think about how much more this planet would be overcrowded if it weren't for all the abortions that have taken place. As president, I will see that federal funds are given for abortions for all women who can not afford to have 1. There is another problem that needs to be solved. There are a lot of women who can not afford to have cars, so I will provide federal funds, so women can receive vouchers for free cab rides to and from the abortion clinic. Paying for an abortion won't do any good if women don't have transportation to the abortion clinic.
Another horrifying thing that I learned is that there are only 3 counties in Minnesota that have abortion clinics in them. I will work to see that every county in Minnesota and this country have abortion clinics in them. Another disturbing thing is I heard that most abortion doctors are now in their 50s and even 60s and there is a shortage of younger people who are going to replace them after they croak. I had no idea that abortion doctors were in such hot demand! If there are not enough new abortion doctors, then the day may come when women won't be able to have abortions any more and I am very worried about that. That is why I will provide federal grants to medical students who are willing to become abortion doctors. To offset the problem of the shortage of abortion doctors, I will work to make it possible for people to get the RU486 pill over-the-counter.
It is about time that government rewards people for not breeding instead of breeding and overpopulating the planet. I will give out checks worth $2000 to anyone who is willing to admit that they are gay because most gay people don't breed and contribute to overpopulating this overcrowded underdeveloped world. I will also provide $2000 checks to all straight people who are willing to get sterilized so they won't breed. I will provide $2000 checks to bisexuals too, but for obvious reasons, they will need to be sterilized. I am sure that a lot of people will turn down the offer, but getting $2000 is a lot better than having kids.
This is an example to prove that these so called, "pro-lifers" anti-choice extremists thugs are full of shit. What if fetuses really do suffer during abortions? With sterilization, there are no fetuses who will suffer, but these anti-choice extremists assholes are still against it. These so called "pro-lifers" are so concerned about the unborn. They don't give a shit about those who are already born, but they are interested in taking away reproductive freedom, creating more poverty and overpopulating this planet to fuck things up a lot worse than they are already. It makes more sense to focus on adoption than breeding. That way people can take care of and raise kids who are already here. Also, as president, I will provide a $500 tax credit to those who are willing to adopt cats. I am sick and tired of innocent cats being put to sleep because there are not enough homes for them.
As for other issues that candidates focus on is education. The schools in this country totally suck and they blow for a multiple # of reasons and the people who run them are evil. The schools of this country need a complete overhaul from kindergarten through college I will see to it that schools teach people on how to raise kids, instead of the propaganda that is being pushed now that dupes so many people into believing that breeding is a picnic. It's not! With my proposal, people will learn that breeding sucks, which will keep the population of this planet under control, but it will greatly reduce the # of dysfunctional assholes who become parents. This post partum depression that we keep hearing about would be prevented if more people would be aware that breeding sucks before they decide to have kids. I know that I would have post partum depression if I decided to breed, but I am intelligent enough not to. In a class that teaches people how to raise kids, I will make sure that a used diaper gets passed around the class to let people be aware of 1 of the many joys they will encounter as parents. If that sounds too radical, how about creating schools that will teach kids to grow up to become decent human beings, instead of corporate robot conformists and sheep for Christ sake.
Other things I will do, is I will bring an end to corrupt and evil drug war, which is really a war on our basic freedoms. I will build mass transit in every major metropolitan area of this country. I like trains and people say that there ain't enough money to build and maintain them. Bullshit! Build the fucking trains! For 1 thing, I will make it mandatory for General Motors and Ford Motor Company to pay to build the mass transit considering that cities like Minneapolis and Los Angeles had beautiful light rail lines, but General Motors and Ford Motor Company gave generous bribes to our politricksters who people love so much to tear up the tracks, forcing people to be dependant on cars. I will also take the billions upon billions of dollars that are being wasted on the pentagon to build mass transit too. As for raising revenue, I will sell plastic penises with Ronald Reagan's and George W. Bush's face on it. These people have fucked us in a way that feels bad. It will give them a chance to fuck us in a way that feels good.
Another major issue that no other presidential candidate has ever talked about is farts. Farts are a national health emergency and people are not even aware of that. Have you ever been around someone who is blowing smelly and stinky farts and it is rather unpleasant? Also the smell of a fart is evil! Farts is 1 of the major reasons that there is so much crime in this country too. When someone notices that their farts have a repulsive smell, they start to feel insecure. Because they feel insecure because their farts stink so bad, they start smoking crack and then they get addicted. They then go out on rob people and kill them to get money for their drug fix all because they have repulsive and stinky smelling farts. As president, I will call for research on a vaccine that will make it possible for people to blow farts without them stinking. As president, I will talk about farts during my state of the union address because there is an extreme lack of communication as to how to go about dealing with them.
I know that it would be too difficult to get on the ballet for president, but maybe I should run for a local position. I know that the Minneapolis mayoral election is coming up, but I think it is too late for me to run in this election, but I might decide to run in the future. You can either help me get elected or it will continue to be politricktsters as usual.
Now, how many other people could come up with the ideas that I did? I have so many other ideas, but unfuckingfortuneately, I only had 7 minutes to read this. Click here to go back to my cool vision of the world page