GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS:

The Untold Story!

by Pat:

An Alternative Author

Introduction: The History of Goldilocks and The Three Bears

      This may be hard to believe, but the version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears you are about to read was originally written in the 1920s. This may also be hard to believe, but there were some cool people around back then who actually enjoyed a trashy story like this. There were also a lot of fucking assholes around back then who couldn't handle a story that told it like is by talking about fucking, douching, menstruation and necrophilia. The really sad thing is, it is now the 21st century and a lot of people are still fucking assholes and can not deal with a story like this. It is a fact, that my version of Goldilocks and The Three Bears, is a lot closer to reality than the bullshit version that people love to read to our kids. Is it really good to brainwash our kids into believing that people don't fuck, (well in this case it's bears) and do violent things. Many parents think it's ok to beat the shit out of their kids, but they are not allowed to see violence on tv. Now that's really fucked up bullshit. It fucks up our kids more to tell them stories where everyone is nice to each other than stories that deal with reality. It is more traumatic for kids to discover that the real world ain't like the things you see on Sesame Street, Mister Roger's Neighborhood, and the bullshit version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Also, when my version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears becomes a tv show, it will be more effective at keeping our kids off of drugs than bullshit things like, just say "no" to drugs public service announcements, which don't work. When kids see what Goldilocks is like in my story, it will make them too scared to think about taking drugs. People actually believe that if you don't write about things like fucking, douching, menstruating and necrophilia, they will go away. Because people believed bullshit like that, Goldilocks and The Three Bears was banned shortly after it was written.

       The question to ask is, who was responsible for having Goldilocks and the Three Bears banned? It was Adolf Hitler, himself. Now a days a lot of people believe that the Gulf War was nothing more than a scam because this country was actually friends with Saddam Hussein until he decided that he didn't want to play ball our Government's way, so all of a sudden, he became our enemy, so our country bombed the fuck out of his country and destroyed all the weapons that this country sent to Saddam Hussein. Our Government was working with Norriega on sending drugs into this country that people get arrested for using. The deal with Norriega went sour, so he became our enemy and he is now a political prisoner. Well, the same thing happened with Hitler. President Herbert Hoover was sending money and weapons to Adolf Hitler because he believed that he was a great man. Our Government thought it was a wonderful idea to have Jews, Gays and other people they didn't like put to death in concentration camps. Things started to go sour when Hitler said that he wanted to take away human rights by taking over the world. That pissed our Government off because that was their fucking job! The shit began to fly and WWII (the big one) was nothing more than a scam to determine which fascist scum would get to control the world, which were Adolf Hitler, Mussolini, The Japs and let's not forget, The United States. The Japs told our Government that they were going to bomb Pearl Harbor months before it happened and decided not to tell anyone about it. When the Japs said that, a high ranking military official said, "go ahead, make my day".

      Now, what does all this have to do with Goldilocks and the Three Bears? Back in the 1920s, a member of the American Nazi Party who had powerful connections with the Government managed to have Goldilocks and the Three Bears banned. He also had the story sent off to Adolf Hitler who rewrote it to the bullshit version that people are now familiar with and it pretends that men don't stick their dicks in their wives' cunts and fuck them. The new version of Goldilocks and The Three Bears was "clean" thanks to Adolf Hitler and it is now a popular children's story. Apparently, the Nazis didn't think it should be allowed to write stories about fucking, douching, menstruating and fucking dead people, but the Nazis fucked many of the dead people that they slaughtered in concentration camps. Apparently, that's ok. Adolf Hitler also wrote the script for many of our popular tv shows too, which included "Father Knows Best", "The Brady Bunch", "Leave it to Beaver", "The Waltons" and "The Cosby Show". Goldilocks and The Three Bears wasn't the only book that was banned by the Nazis. A book that was called "Married With Children" was also banned, which the now popular tv show is based on.

       Fortunately, the lost versions of Goldilocks and the Three Bears and "Married With Children" were found, but where? After J. Edger Hoover croaked, the person who cleaned out his house found them, that and with all the child pornography he had. Oops, nobody's suppose to know about that! Anyway, the original nasty version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears was sent out to all the cool people in the world, including me who edited it and would be interested in seeing it published and made into a tv show."Married With Children" is now a popular tv show. Unfortunately, because censorship is still a powerful force in this country, it will be awhile before this version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears becomes a tv show, but enjoy it as you read it.

I know that you just can't wait, so here is the uncensored version of Godilocks and the Three Bears.