NAZI PARENTS MUST DIE
BY PAT

      15 year old Greg was a troubled kid, who lived in Chicago and he rebelled a lot. His parents didn't approve of his behavior. Greg liked listening to underground and alternative music, and he would listen to groups like the Dead Kennedys and the Butthole Surfers. He also enjoyed listening to Steve Dahl on the radio, who would make jokes about oral sex. He was also into witchcraft. His parents were Roman Catholics, who strongly disapproved of him being into witchcraft, the type of music that he listens to, and Steve Dahl. They didn't know what to do about it. They were also yuppie scum, who believed that kids should obey and conform, or else.

      Greg had a fake ID and he would go to gay bars and punk bars. His parents were wondering where he was going to, because he wouldn't come home until 5:00 in the morning. One day his parents decided to follow him, when he went out. They followed him to a club which was called, Medusas. When his parents got into the club, they could not believe what they saw. Many of the people there were punk rockers and some people had blue hair. They had a bizarre and "shock art" room, where they had a lot of "obscene" art. They also showed weird videos too. They got to see a video of a woman douching herself and another one that showed a man vomiting blood while crawling on a bathroom floor, struggling to make it to a toilet, and they showed many other weird videos too. Greg's parents thought that place was disgusting.

      On April 13, something horrible happened, that would make Greg's life, hell. There was a leak in the wall of the Chicago River, that flooded and damaged a lot of buildings downtown, including Greg's parents' house. Because of that, they decided not to fix the house. They figured that Chicago corrupted Greg, so they decided to move someplace that would not allow "smutty" places like Medusas to exist, and "smutty" people like Steve Dahl on the radio. They moved to Broward County, Florida, censorship capital of the world!

     Greg really hated Florida and he felt that his parents were scum for making him move there. He felt that the weather was too hot and he couldn't stand it. His parents thought that moving to Florida would make him turn "normal". Well, it caused him to go into violent rampages because the hot weather really got on his nerves.

        His parents were so upset over Greg's rebellious behavior, they decided to go to a group called, "Toughlove". The people at the group said that the reason why Greg rebels is because they didn't give him enough discipline. They also said that all his emotional problems were caused by the music that he listens to, so it's the music's fault. The people said that they need to force censorship down Greg's throat and he would turn out to be a good kid, who would obey.

    His parents listened to the advice of the people at the group and took all of Greg's music and threw it in the trash. This would turn Greg into the Beaver, right? Wrong. When he found out that his parents threw out his music, he went into the ultimate rampage. He started trashing the house and vandalized things.

    After Greg did that, his parents decided to have him committed to a mental institution. While he was in the mental institution, they drugged him up. At first, he just said no, to their drugs. Because he just said no, they gave him shock treatments. They kept giving him shock treatments until he would just say yes, to their drugs. After he couldn't take the shock treatments anymore, he said yes, to being doped up. The guy who was injecting Greg with those drugs, was wearing a button, that said, "Just say no to Drugs".

       After awhile, Greg's parents ran out of money, and could no longer keep him in the mental hospital, but being in there did him a world of good. Right? Wrong! This fucked him up more than ever. The first night he got out, the weather was really muggy and disgusting. For South Florida, what else is new? His parents would not put on the air conditioner. Greg could not take it any longer, so he turned on the air conditioner. His parents shut it off and told Greg that they wouldn't be able to afford the electric bill if they ran the air conditioner. They didn't tell him that it was because they spent all the money on having him committed. Greg didn't even want to live in Florida, but he was suppose to live without air conditioning. Well, once again he could not take the heat, so he turned on the air conditioner again. After he put on the air conditioner his father came out and said, "listen you little cocksuker motherfucker piece of shit, if you put that air conditioner on again I'm gonna have you put back into that mental hospital". Greg was so pissed off, he took a hammer, snuck up on his father and hit him over the head with it. He kept hitting him until he killed him. His mother walked in and saw what he was doing. She went into shock and she was hysterical. He ran up to her and hit her over the head with the hammer until she died.

      As soon as Greg got done killing his parents, he turned on the air conditioner. After it got cool enough, he took his parents bodies, cut them up and put it in the freezer.

        After awhile, Greg was lonely being at the house by himself, so he decided to go out and get a cat. Greg loved cats and that's another reason he was glad that his parents were dead, because they would not let him have a cat.

      He didn't have any money to get cat food, so he decided to take his parents bodies, cook em up and feed em to the cat. The cat enjoyed eating them too. Greg really loved his cat.

      Later that night, he was sleeping with the cat. After he fell asleep, he had a horrible nightmare. He had a dream that he was in a Florida prison, and he was forced to do hard labor out in the heat. Also, fat ugly men were raping him. Greg woke up horrified.

      Greg realized that if anyone finds out that he killed his parents, and gets caught, he would have to go to prison and worse yet, in Florida where he would have to do slave labor, in the heat. Greg would rather die, than go through that.

       Greg started meditating and asked the spirits how and if he could get away with what he did. This is what the spirits had to say: "Greg, your parents were assholes. It is OK to kill someone, as long as you have a good reason to, and you definitely had a good reason to. Unfortunately it's not legal. They treated you like shit, abused you, fucked you over and made you move to Florida! If you don't want to go to prison, you need to get yourself an AK47 and rob a bank, because you are going to need money. $2 million should be enough for your escape. Yes, it is wrong to steal, but you are stealing from the government, who are Nazis and allowed your parents to get away with treating you like shit. They are bigger criminals than you are, so it's OK. After you rob the bank, take your parents' car and drive to Canada. You are to drive to Montreal. Once you get into Montreal, you are to abandon the car and go to the airport. You are to purchase an airplane ticket to Denmark. Do as I say or you will get caught"

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      Well, Greg got himself his AK47 and he robbed a Barnett bank in Coral Springs. An armed security guard tried to shoot Greg. Greg pulled out his AK47 and shot the security guard, dead, but the shooting was in self defense. Well, he got his $2 million.

        After Greg robbed the bank, he took his parents' car and hit the road, and he took his cat with him. He could not wait until he would get out of Florida and the country. Once he crossed into Georgia, he was so happy, because he was out of Florida! As he headed towards Canada his journey would take him through, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and through New York.

       Well anyway, Greg was driving through Champlain, New York, which was 5 miles just South of the Canadian border when a state trooper pulled him over for driving 1 mile above the speed limit. He knew that an APB was put out on him. Greg was praying to the spirits not to have him sent back to Florida. Fortunately, the state trooper was a cocaine addict. Greg offered the state trooper a $500,000 bribe and he accepted, so he could spend the money on coke.

      After that, Greg went to Montreal and got on a plane with his cat and moved to Denmark. After he got to Denmark, Greg decided to become a writer. He wrote a book called, A Country Run by Nazis, which is about how the United States allows the government and parents to abuse children. For some reason, the book was banned in the USA. Greg went on speaking tours throughout Europe to heal his life by sharing his experiences, and he got paid for it!

It just goes to show, it's OK. to kill someone as long as you love cats. Click here to read more of Pat's fabulous stories