HERE IS ALL OF PAT'S WONDERFUL STORIES.  

Before entering our storytelling room, we need to make a disclaimer.  A lot of people in Pat's stories are murdered.  Pat does NOT condone the act of murdering people in reality, unless the murderer happens to be a vampire.  Pat does NOT endorse or condone hurting anyone.  Pat and myself does not endorse or condone any form of illegal activities.  Our recommendation:  Do NOT try anything in Pat's stories at home!  Just have an open mind and enjoy the stories!

The very 1st story that Pat wrote was in December 1989, which is about a Killer drag queen, which is called Killer Queen This is the story that started it all!

The next story that Pat wrote was in April 1990.  Pat was disgusted and appalled after he heard about 2 Live Crew had their music banned in most parts of Florida.  Censorship really pisses Pat off!  Anyway, the 2nd story that Pat wrote is called Fascist Fever, which is about Amerika turning into a much bigger fascist police state than it is already and believe me, with the way things are going, what happened in Fascist Fever could happen for real if we're not careful and we get closer to what happened in this story every day.  In Fascist Fever, an androgynous 15 year old gay boy Darren enjoys listening to music from his favorite band called, Shoot my Cream which is a strong critic of the fascist police state and has nasty and explicit lyrics in their music.  Darren is devastated when the lead singer of Shoot my Cream is murdered by a right wing death squad after being ordered not to use explicit lyrics during a concert.  The good news is Dick Hardon comes back from the dead and kills a bunch of fucking assholes.  I know that you can't wait, so here it is:  Fascist Fever.

During 1990, Pat got to know someone by the name of Brad who was a self righteous bitchy effeminate gay guy who was also a fucking hypocrite too.  Pat wrote the lyrics to some sexually explicit songs, 1 of which was about a boy who sticks a light bulb up his ass to pleasure himself and the light bulb broke inside his his and another song that Pat wrote was called, Boys Have the Best Pussy.  Brad laughed while reading the lyrics to those song, but then lectured him about how inappropriate it was for him to write stuff like that and told Pat that he should do something "constructive" with his life, instead of writing "shit" like that.  This is what led Pat to write his next story in April 1991, which is called    Skizo-gay-nia, which is about a gay guy John, who is a conservative ultra right wing born again Christian fascist pig who enjoys beating off to gay porno films, has sex in public bathrooms and smokes a lot of dope, but he is intolerant of other people who are into sleazy things and John gets offended at other people who talk about sexually explicit things.  John gets really pissed off after he realizes that he has been duped by all these fascist assholes, so he starts worshipping Satan and raises up gay demons from Hell to kill people.  I know you can't wait to read Skizo-gay-nia

Pat heard about a gay guy who committed suicide at a gay and lesbian youth group that he was going to in Miami, Florida in March 1991.  Anyway, a lot of people were phony stuck up self righteous fucking assholes and said that if someone kills themselves, they deserve to be punished by having people forget that they ever existed.  Pat also heard that a lot of scumbags who torment someone will go to that person's funeral and pretend to say "nice" things about how wonderful that person was.  This is what led to Pat writing his next story in October 1991, which is about Greg who was a gay teen who commits suicide who leaves a note asking his homophobic fucking asshole he had for a father to fuck his dead body while giving the eulogy at his funeral and then asks for his ashes to be dropped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco after being cremated.  The father of the gay teen refuses to drop his ashes off the Golden Gate Bridge, but his ashes end up in a landfill located in beautiful Pompano Beach, Florida in which maggots in the landfill have sex with Greg who ends up getting pregnant who gives birth to maggots who turn into monsters who go out and kill a bunch of fucking assholes.  Meanwhile, did Greg's father fuck his son's dead body at his funeral.  Well read this story, which is called Revolting Trash, which is about Greg who realizes that being trash can be fun after all.

In January 1992, Pat took a creative writing class at a community college in Davie, Florida because he was hoping that the people in his class would love his stories so much, he would find someone to publish his stories, so he could make millions of dollars.  Instead, a lot of people were fucking assholes and did not like Pat's stories.  The following stories are short, stories, but none the less they are still very good.   The 1st story that Pat wrote is about a Catholic Priest who had just gotten out of prison for having sex with alter boys.  The priest gets a stiffie looking at 1 of the alter boys, but he didn't want to go back to prison, so he beats off thinking about having sex with the alter boy, but then a bee stings him on his penis, while he is in the middle of spanking his monkey.  The teacher was offended because Pat wrote a story about "child molesters" that is in bad taste, like he is suppose to even give a fuck.  Anyway, this story is called, When Bigger is Not Better, because the Priest ends up getting a very swollen penis after the be stings him.  Do you know that Pat actually read that story to the entire class?

The next story that Pat wrote for his creative writing class is about how he feels about Florida and Pat has enough intelligence to realize that Florida sucks after all the experiences he had while he was living there at the time.  A lot of people love South Florida, but that's because they are fucking assholes.  They also have shit for brains.  This story is called Paradise, (YEA Right).  At least Pat's teacher gave a more favorable reaction to this story, but he didn't like it when someone said, Yea Right when they write something.  It just doesn't take much for some people to get a bug up their ass.

Things went back down the toilet after Pat wrote this story, which was about Dan who had a fucking cunt for a girl friend who did not like alternative music, while his girl friend enjoyed Michael Bolton and expected Dan to start enjoying Michael Bolton.  Dan gets so pissed off at his girl friend, he called her a fucking cunt after trying to get him to stop enjoying alternative music and then his girl friend dumps him. Dan gets so pissed off because her girl friend was such a fucking cunt, he decides to take acid in which he sees Sid Vicious and Liberace together and it turns out that they are lovers.  After Dan's acid trip where's off, Dan sets his girl friend up on a date with a friend of his who has AIDS and he fucks her and gives her the disease and Pat implied in the story that she deserved to get AIDS.  This story is called Sid and Liberace.  Pat's teacher was offended that he mentioned in the story that Dan called his girl friend a cunt.  He said that that wasn't necessary and the only purpose for saying that was for "shock" value and it didn't help make the story any better.  Like, why the fuck not?  Pat's teacher was offended also because he made it amusing about giving someone AIDS who deserved to get it.

At least Pat had better luck with the last story that he wrote for the class, which is about a 15 year old Greg who has fucking assholes for parents who move from Chicago to Florida who is smart enough to realize that Florida sucks.  Greg also enjoys alternative music and his parents decide to commit him to a mental institution for listening to the "wrong" music.  For some reason, being in a mental institution did not make Greg any better, so he ends up killing his parents after they refuse to turn on the air conditioner when the weather is too fucking hot out.  Greg gets a cat after killing his parents and decides to save the meat from his dead parents bodies and feed it to the cat.  This is such a wonderful story is called Nazi Parents Must Die.  Again, Pat's teacher didn't totally like the story, but he actually admitted that it might actually be justifiable homicide if a person kills someone for refusing to turn on the air conditioner when the weather gets too fucking.  At least the class ended on somewhat of an upbeat not.  Pat's teacher even had somewhat of a warped sense of humor after he read that story and said that having a cat eat someone should be called catabolism!

There is a story that Pat wrote for his creative writing class, but he decided not to do this one because he preferred the other stories he wrote for the class instead, but none the less, this is still a very good story, which is about what it takes to be a "good" born again Christian and all the sacrifices one must take in order to be a "good" Christian.  This story is called How to be a Good Christian praise Jesus!

In August 1992, Pat went to Chicago with Joon and it was the very 1st time that Joon was in Chicago.  Pat went to a conference that was being held in Chicago from a group of people who are very unpopular with society and not very well liked, but none the less, they are right!  Pat doesn't give a rat's ass flying fuck about what society thinks anyway because society is run by a bunch of fucking assholes.  Joon also wrote her 1st story and read outloud to Pat at Pat's friend Tony's house and I can't remember the story that well, but the story was about a couple of kids who have fucking assholes for parents and they decide to kill their parents by blowing farts.  I would love to post that story in here, but Joon decided to throw the story away.  That was a very dumb thing for Joon to do because I would have been more than happy to post this story on my website!  If Joon can find that story or rewrite it, I will be more than happy to post in here in the future!  That trip to Chicago was Joon and Pat's 1st out of Florida experience together and both Pat and Joon were very devastated when it was time to go back to Florida because that state is fucking cesspool toilet of fucking crud!

 Pat realized that South Florida was a fucking cesspool toilet even stronger, less than 2 weeks after he got back from Chicago in August 1992 after it got hit by Hurricane Andrew on August 24, 1992.  Pat and Joon were lucky enough to live about 75 miles north of Homestead, Florida, which got hit with the full brunt of Hurricane Andrew.  Homestead, Florida is a town that is infested with white trash redneck scum and the worst part of the tragedy is the storm didn't kill every one who lived in Homestead! That guy from the gay youth group in Miami who committed suicide also lived in Homestead, Florida.  See, the nice thing about him killing himself is at least he didn't have to deal with loosing every thing he had in that town that was infested with redneck, white trash filth and scum.  Pat told his mother that because of Hurricane Andrew is why Florida is a state of shit and nothing like that would happen in Chicago.  Pat's mother then told him that Chicago gets hurricanes too!  Really!  When was the last time Chicago got hit with a hurricane?  Hurricane Andrew is what Pat to write the following story in April 1993 which is about Jeff who has a stuck up snotty cunt for a sister and fucking assholes for parents who used to be cool during the 1960s who live in Minneapolis, but his parents turn into bigger fucking assholes by becoming fundamentalist born again Christians and decide to move from Minneapolis to Davie, Florida against Jeff's will because Jeff is smart enough to realize that South Florida is a fucking cesspool and people who like South Florida are fucking assholes who have shit for brains.  What often happens when someone moves to Florida because they are so fucking stupid to realize it before they move there is that often they move there, the salaries at the jobs there are lower than at jobs in just about every other state in the country.  In this story, Jeff's father does not have enough money to pay for insurance to protect his house from hurricanes in Davie, Florida and just like Homestead, Davie is a town that is infested with redneck white trash scum.  Jeff's father is upset about not being able to pay for hurricane protection insurance, so he decides to drop some acid.  Shortly after dropping acid, Jeff's father has to take a shit and he has a religious experience on the toilet paper with his own excrement on it.  Of course, Davie, Florida gets hit with Hurricane Dick and Jeff loses every thing he has which causes him to become a serial killer in Evil Dick

Pat was looking around in the Children's section of a store when he noticed a book called Goldilocks and the 3 Bears and he sat there and read the whole story.  It brought back childhood memories for Pat and it made him realize that most children's books are a bunch of fucking bullshit that tells it like it ain't.  Most children's books, including Goldilocks and the 3 Bears was originally written and edited by Adolph Hitler, but there was a very cool version of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears before Hitler seized power, but Adolph Hitler banned it, but Pat was able to resurrect the cool version of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears August, 1993.  In the cool version of Goldilocks and the 3 bears, Papa Bear is a homosexual who enjoys fucking men in the ass and Goldilocks is a hooker who even gets diarrhea in the cool, uncensored version of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears!  Now, this story kicks ass!

Pat got increasingly pissed off at working at shit jobs and having to put up with employers who treat their employees like shit.  Pat also got increasingly pissed off at people who decide for people that they can't achieve their dreams and do what they enjoy doing for a living instead of working at bullshit jobs where they have to put up with a bunch of fucking bullshit.  Pat wrote the following story in July 1994, which is about Robert who has an innovated idea for being a businessman who has a dream of opening up a store that specializes in the sale of enemas, but because so many fucking assholes have a bad influence on him and destroys his dreams, Robert turns into a serial killer in Enema Heaven.  This story is recommenced for those who are intelligent to realize that the "work ethic" is a bunch of fucking bullshit, but remember that employers need to treat their employees right, even at enema stores.

Another reason why Pat was Laura Ingalls in his previous lifetime:  Pat hated Florida and he hated hot and muggy weather.  So did Laura Ingalls, which is mentioned on her webpage!  It was also in July 1994 that Pat was finally lucky enough to move out of that cesspool toilet, better known as South Florida and move to Minneapolis.  Pat got increasingly more disgusted with stuck up snotty mainstream Amerikan teenagers.  Because of that, Pat wrote a delightful story about Tiffany, a popular teenage girl who is a cheerleader who constantly gets diarrhea and gets yeast infections too.  Tiffany ends up losing control of her bowels and ends up shitting out diarrhea in front of her "popular" stuck up snotty "friends" and her so called, "friends" end up turning on her.  Meanwhile, Roger who happens to be a nerd falls in love with Tiffany and Roger also gets turned on when a woman takes a shit on him while having sex.  A lot of gay people have accused Pat of making gay people look bad in many of the previous stories he has written with gay characters.  This is what caused Pat to write Romantic Bowel Movements February 1995 and 1 of the reasons that Pat wrote this story is to make heterosexuals look weird!

Since 1995, Pat has only written 1 story and that was in 1997, but that story went on a hiatus. Hopefully, now that Pat's stories are on the World Wide Web, he will write more stories, especially now that it is the 21st century.  Unfuckingfortuneately, I am writing this as of October 16, 2001 and Pat still hasn't had a chance to write any new stories, however, Pat has been doing some spoken words  performances, which gives him a chance to speak his mind!  I hate to disappoint you, but Pat's spoken words performances ain't nearly as vulgar as his stories, however they are still more explicit than what other people read at these open mikes.   In the meantime, enjoy what Pat has said on his spoken words and enjoy the stories that Pat has written already!