After my 3 weeks [Hong Kong - China - Japan] tour, I'm finally back. Actually I'm already back for 1 week + 4 days. I miss the tour. I hadn't felt so relaxed and enjoyable for a while. Japan becomes my favourite place to travel. But, all good things must end.. T_T I recalled when my dad suggested the tour, I was so against it at first because I hate flying. I'm like a frog trapped in a well [A fool, I was]. In the end, I enjoyed it so much that I felt I hadn't have enough. If you've never tried it, you'd never know whether you'd like it [whether you'd succeed].

Anyway, when I returned, I discovered some changes in Singapore. New taxis, new $10 note [courtesy of Andy]. Me too, no more a student, searching for job now [miserable].

"How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sun-shine of the spotless mind!

Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resigned."

I'd put up some pictures of my niece in my Yahoo! album for my relatives in Hong Kong and China to see. We haven't met for many years and when they saw the pictures, most of them complained that time flies. In their mind, before seeing the pictures, my niece was still a baby.

Ya, time is creeping when we're breathing, when we're dreaming, when we're doing nothing, when we're complaining, ... In the process, we don't feel a thing. The only time when we feel that a large chunk of time had already flown away is when we notice changes. *suspense* Just like the victim only discovered that he's stabbed from behind when he felt pain. He knew that he's dying when he saw blood and felt cold silence.

But we won't grow and advance when time doesn't go on. *solemn solemn* I'm going to stop this.

After watching today's episode of American Idol, I'm finally convinced that a majority of Americans are deaf. The best 3 were placed in the bottom three and 1 was sent home. I wonder what's in their mind. So who's next?

I think I may be over-reacting, because this type of thing always happens in life. Most of the time, the best won't win in the competition, and the winner might not do better than the 'losers' after winning the competition. There are lots of real-life examples, there's no need for me to mention. Competition is always unfair. It depends more on your luck rather than on your capability most of the time, I feel. And so are exams. You might understand your concepts very well and you might be able to apply your knowledge flexibly on every situation, but when it comes to exams, you just can't perform. Because you're nervous, because you're unlucky, because you're sick, because the marker is bias, because of this, because of that. These results can't actually reflect one's capability. They have to ban exams in future.

Come comrades! Let's stand up and strike!

This is a follow-up of "12 Bad Teeth". I've gone to my brother's friend, who's a dentist, for '2nd opinion'. He did a thorough checkup (even X-Ray) and the result was, my teeth weren't decaying. I wonder whether the 3 teeth, that were filled the other day, were really decayed.

My advice to you is, always seek for 2nd opinion.

Today, not only I know that I've bad hair, my dentist told me that about 12 of my teeth were decaying. I brush my teeth everyday, floss almost everyday, why? Why??? Why me?! haha... It's not terminal disease, anyway, there's still hope. But my dentist gave me another blow further by telling me that my teeth were very weak. I'm not sure whether he's just trying to swindle me, or whatever. But, just want to warn you people to take care of your teeth, your hair, your everything everyday. Otherwise, you will become like me.

I think if I continue on like this, I'll become a toothless, bald fatso, by the age of 22. But I don't really care. I'm not nice-looking anyway. haha... Ya, but still, it's we've to take care of ourselves when we can (before it's too late). God bless you, and God bless me.

Most of the time, when we know what we don't know, but don't know how to capture these new things that we know, we will end up not knowing what we know. It will be even worse if we don't even know why we don't know what we've already known. As a result, the more you know, the more you don't know.

Ya I know, I'm just trying to talk big.

Now, I feel like living in a beam of light out of the darkness. Lights in the area around my house went off mysteriously. I hear that there is blackout affecting the northern and western part of Singapore now, which is where I’m living in. I feel fortunate that my air-con is still working, and the lights are comforting me. Imagine if you’re in an elevator when the power goes off suddenly. No need to imagine actually. Sometimes while we thought that we’re progressing fine, we’ve got stuck and felt lost, don’t know what to do. I guess we just have to wait. What else can we do?

Actually, blackout isn’t really very bad at all. We can’t see the things near us, but we can see things that we can’t usually. We can see more stars in the sky. We can do things that we don’t do usually. We can take out torches, lanterns and etc. to the field and play catching, make noise, do lots of nonsense. We will think about our friends and relatives more suddenly, instead of chatting online, playing games, listening to radio and etc. No light actually can bring us closer, isn’t it? I don’t know. Sometimes, when you can see someone, you might feel distant from him/her. But when you don’t see him/her, you start thinking of him/her and feel close to that person.

I just looked out my window and checked out the situation again. But, the streets and houses lit up all at once suddenly. It’s very special. Don't know how to explain, just beautiful.

I don't like making my site so solemn. But I've got feedbacks from my friends that my site has no 'substance'. haha... They start saying they don't understand me, don't understand all the people around them. hehe... Come on! We don't even understand ourselves most of the time. Just stay happy and do whatever you want as long as you don't make anyone feel bad. It's ok. There's no reason for everything we do. We just do it and don't even know why. Why why why? I don't even know why myself. How to tell you? There's simply no reason why. We know that there's no reason yet we don't believe it and still ask ourselves. What's that for?

I've lost contact with many people these few years. Some of my close friends rarely contact now, due to graduation, due to different geographical location, due to this, due to that. Sometimes, I hope I can see them again. Do the things we used to do, say the things we used to say, sing the songs we used to sing.

Sometimes, I feel not like seeing them again because things won't be the same after all. People do grow and change. What's now may not be even similar tomorrow. It's been a while since you last contact, how would you know what have happened to that person, what is he/she thinking now? Your close friend has already become a familiar stranger, if you haven't notice.

You see that person one day on the road, on the street, in the shopping center, or anywhere. Wow! Hi! How are you? Then what's next? It's seemed like so many things to say, so many things to ask inside, but you don't know how to say it out, you don't know if it's relevant, it's stupid, and you feel so lost in words, like you're alone in the outer space.

In the end, you start behaving 'friendlier' than friends should be. On the other hand, you can feel closer to other long-lost friends whom you weren't so close to. You feel that you can chat more, do more, laugh more, behave more naturally.

It may also because you were once close before, you will be expecting more. Yet, you can't get back that feeling that you wanted (or you used to feel) immediately all at once. The person may not have changed, but situation had; the world changes everyday. The feeling is already different.

Sometimes, it's better not knowing how that person is now, and just remember that person as the person you always knew until you die. Isn't it so? An ending makes things more beautiful, pitiful though.

hey! i've uploaded some photos, though not very new ones. the 2 primary school group photos taken during last gathering look exceptionally horrifying. sorry, not the photo, it's me who look exceptionally like a freak + nerd + fatso [well, ya i know i'm always fat]. today is the first time i see these photos actually. and my hair looks like a bale of hay [like what that freaky woman in the dove shampoo advertisement, who had to confess to the audience that she actually liked to play with her hair so much that she just couldn't help it, said]. actually it's worse than that, i know. but i hate styling. so just let it be, let it be, let it be. i know i'm a freaky, nerdy fatso. so what?

i think i'm getting a digital camera soon. once i've got it, i'll turn this site into a porn site and start earning money from it. what do you think? who do you like to see? definitely not me, i know.

what's the best reaction you can give if you don't understand what someone is telling you? cos he spoke too fast; cos of his accent, his language; cos you're too distracted by the pus of his acne; cos everything about him is just too wrong like me...

politely ask him to repeat again and again as though you're going to understand? slam him ['you know i've a friend who comes from your country, yet he can speak good english.' - someone told me that before]? give a sheepish grin [as if that will help again]? treat him like a mute, asking him to write down what he wants to convey, then read as if you're reading the subtitles of a foreign film? Act as if you understand [oh ya, ya, ya, ... umm... ya! precisely, and mary lost her little lamb again, ya? ya sai]? or ask him to go home and sleep?

i always feel lost, not knowing what i like and what i want to be after graduation. now that i'm graduating in about a few more months, i feel even more lost. you will feel petrified, rather than only lost, when you don't know where to continue, and then darkness starts trailing in.

but over these few years, i think i finally know what i want to be. i want to be a radio dj working night shifts. my voice can hypnotise everyone, even spirits, so that it will be 'sleeping-pill-free' every night. i can make number 1 station, number 0. i can tell all my callers to wake up and do something more constructive. my main motive is to make it a 'f4-free' station and stop playing songs from other stupid boybands and sweeties who are turning sour. then when celebrities like f4 comes, i can tell vaness(a) that he deserves the honour of being the most irritating in the band.

i think i can do a great job, trust me. well, i might freak out for the first few nights, but my voice can freak my listeners out all nights.

i wonder why whenever a celebrity from overseas visit a place, he/she must always say things like, 'I LOVE YOU, SINGAPORE!', 'I love xiao long bao.' and etc. they visit taiwan, they say i love taiwan; visit hong kong, i love hong kong; visit singapore, i love singapore; visit iraq, i love iraq. i wonder if they really like these countries so much, especially for those who had never visited the country before.

why can't they just say something like, 'I HATE YOU SINGAPOREANS! LOSERS!' or maybe something less intense like, 'Singapore is just a country; nothing much special.'? why can't they just say how they really feel and cut their acting? no wonder they say celebrities are full of affections.

if ayumi hamasaki says that she hates singapore a lot one day during her visit, i'll forgive her vocal [that i feel it's like 'killing chicken'] and start giving her my fullest support.

i'm intending to write whatever i feel like writing under this section; not intending to write for the sake of writing. so, it won't be like a diary that will have regular meaningless updates, though the content here will be just as meaningless [none of your business, that kind of thing.]. i don't expect many to visit since till now only 2 people know this url. so if you happen to be those 2 people, don't feel too honoured either because when i say 2 i can mean 20, 30, 40.

i create this thing on the WWW, yet not hoping many to see. i killed a chicken, pluck its feathers just for the fun of it. don't know why. it's either the chicken is down with flu, or i'm sick.

writing more, understand less, just like janet jackson's stunt here. cease, otherwise i'll be dumped and dumb, like britney.