Jokes III
Kiss Me
A woman is in her doctor's office, and suddenly shouts out "Doctor, kiss me".
The Doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her.
About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once".
Again he refuses, apologetically, but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her.
Finally another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with the doctor; "Doctor, Doctor,
please kiss me just once!!" "Look" he says, "I am sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you.
In fact, I probably shouldn't even be fucking you".
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Waiting For A Haircut
This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says,
"About an hour and a half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while,
Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
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Rules For Dormitories
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students,
and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking the rules will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued:
"Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
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Simple Math
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening and read's:
Dear Wife (that's what he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter
I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary.
When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54 and by the time you receive
this letter I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy.
You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many
many more times than 54 goes into 18!!!!
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What Is For Supper
A young couple, married just a couple of weeks,
returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives.
The next morning the husband wakes up, showers,
dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.
So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?"
"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast,
but I can't cook or clean."
The husband smiles his biggest smile and says,
"There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean.
Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast."
So off they went to the bedroom.
That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife
crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?"
"Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something
for lunch and I just can't cook."
Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom
and I'll have my lunch there!"
So off they went to the bedroom again.
That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees
his new bride naked sliding down the banister of the stairs.
Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister.
After the third trip the husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?"
"Warming up your supper!" she replies.