20.DEC.04

FLIGHT

Tomorrow im leaving on an aeroplane and taking flight from this place. Tomorrow i will have trouble with all the bags and bags of luggage. Tomorrow i will be crossing the Pacific Ocean airbourne. Tomorrow i'll be living on different soil, eating different food, breathing different air and in the company of different people. Someday i would like to travel light with just my boarding pass. Someday i would like to sail across the Oceans. And perhaps someday i'll return of a different nature. Am i too romantic? Do i dote too much on passe paperback ideals that no longer exist? Or am i just melodramatic? I like to yield myself completely to the throes of emotion; indulging in the extremities of love, pain and indifference. I suppose i'm just greedy, i want it all. What is life without drama? What is life without that occassional Hollywood performance? What is life without displacement? Tomorrow im leaving on an jetplane to adulthood.


17.DEC.04

DEPARTURE

Wishing you guys a Merry Christmas! I'll miss you!




16.DEC.04

NO-EXCUSE

Been waiting for pay day thursday all week to purchase my books. Finally my first self-help book, the talk of all book reviews and of all post sex revolutional women, "He's just not that into you". I have practically finished the book on the train ride home. It has cemented in my mind that i am really hot stuff and any guy who is not willing to put in the time or the effort or the integrity in the course of woeing me...then they deserve to drop off a cliff and spontaneously combust. Talk about persuasive writing. I am in awe, if only i could produce something successful like that, helping others and making a load. Well off the topic, considering hsc results are festing in the next two days and the fact that im hoping on an aeroplane next week...i will elope for some self-seclusion.


14.DEC.04

CYCLIC

I will be the blimp on your radar. I will keep you with my holding gaze. I will muse you with my abrupt smirks. I will be the encore for every show. I will be the clock that counts down your ticking heart. I will be anything but what you ultimately want. I will be a passing phase.


13.DEC.04

END

Another closure to an episode i hardly watched.


11.DEC.04

LACKING

I am arid creatively. Comically, i've been recording my singing and playing it back over and over again hoping to hit the right notes...of course all this is in vain. I've been lying on my silk sheets enveloped in darkness listening to music until i drift off to a blurred dimension. Grey world. I suppose this isnt too bad, i could be ending my day with shots of vodka and collapsing on the table in a pool of drool. Or i could be listening to someone breathe on the phone till i develop a fist sized brain tumor from radiation. I suppose there is an underlying solace i take dwelling in my monotoned thoughts. It's safer there than anywhere else.


07.DEC.04

TICKTOCK

Time crawls.
I'm going crazy with Westfield's looping christmas cd. 7 fatal hours of jingles.



05.DEC.04

WOEFUL

The tears well up and hang loosely to the fan of lashes. Vision blurred as fat droplets stream down her cheeks; parting through the carefully powdered on blush and into the wet matted hair. With every swell of sorrow, she hiccups sobs like a child. Dabbing away the trickles of saline and smudged make-up, she runs to the mirror. Loose strands of sodden hair, streaked glistening cheeks, sulky pressed lips and a pair of slashed mascarred eyes. Without delay she tilts her head back. Looking up towards her white washed ceiling, she forces the fat droplets to disperse and fall back to the black void they came. Her sobbing fades to a sigh as she re-applies the face she had this morning.


04.DEC.04

SATURDAY ARVO

I seem to be watching alot of SBS movies nowadays. They seem to offer so much more than the OC or The Apprentice...but then again, even my shriveled catus plant sitting on the window sill offers more. It seems (these) foreign films are not afraid to be crude, to be real and to confront tabo issues. Of course they are also not afraid to end abruptly, if there is an end at all. However, the welcome of such weavings of inanity from such a large population is just an early manifestation of our intellectual plummet.


02.DEC.04

GENUINE

I remember at a very ripe age, i was bouncing on my mother's lap on a rickety bus. I remember turning around and stroking her face spontaneously erupting out, "I never want to grow up!" in a very sincere tone...the ones that Great Men use in declarations of some great event or pronoucing some great decision. She cocked her head a little to the side in a baffled way and asked me why. I think i smiled into my soft fatty cheeks replying, "because i never want you to grow old". Now 12 years later, she still remains that ever-youthful radiant mum.