| What Thelemites Say | What Thelemites Mean |
| 1. | Do what thou wilt. | Fine, don't do it my way...but it'll be wrong. |
| 2. | I disagree, "but as brothers fight ye." | I'm planning your "greater feast" for sometime next week. |
| 3. | Take your fill and will of love as ye will. | Wanna fuck? |
| 4. | It's beyond your grade. | I don't know. |
| 5. | Meditate on it. | I really don't know. |
| 6. | It's a blind. | No one knows. |
| 7. | It's revealed wisdom. | He made it up. |
| 8. | Their rituals are too "Old Aeon." | There's not enough sex and violence. |
| 9. | In terms of physical phenomena, the ritual was a success. | My cat exploded. |
| 10. | That lecture was very informative. | How many oaths did you break with this one? |
| 11. | Our ritual should be quite powerful. | It's a combined Horus/Choronzon evocation with a little Cthulhu thrown in for extra punch. |
| 12. | His new rituals are very true to Crowley's original. | He changed two words in Liber Pyramidos. |
| 13. | Taking this initiation will accelerate your progress on the path. | Your husband will leave, you'll lose your job, a meteor will strike your car and your dog will die. |
| 14. | That's an interesting interpretation. | Crowley is spinning in his grave fast enough to generate electricity. |
| 15. | Their camp is very independent. | They're planning the overthrow of the Grand Master and they've become born-again christians. |
| 16. | That's how Crowley originally intended it. | I don't have a good reason, but I like it that way. |
| 17. | Their temple has a lot of magickal energy. | They haven't banished since 1967. |
| 18. | The party was fun... You know, the usual. | There were 3 major philosophical schisms, 2 magickal duels to the death, an impromptu X-rated Gnostic Mass, and the usual orgy to follow. |
| 19. | He brings a strong sense of conviction to his commentaries of Crowley's works. | He's Crowley's incarnation and he wants royalties. |
| 20. | Yes, Liber Call Me AL is very witty. | Tell us who wrote it so we can kill him. |
| 21. | Your message has some interesting political implications. | The FBI just called, and we turned you in. |