Chapter Three:Lost Lives


early morning, another day. awoken by the sun. silently creeping amonst dead. dead thoughts. dead feelings. dead emotions of a dead girl. what will come next? she will wake up in the morning. and finish her daily chores. moan and complain. hatred and fear. why must she do this. it is her plan. feed the dogs, water the plants. going on. day by day. wondering weather to leave or stay. her biological family, in a separate world. she knows the love her, yet cannot be loved. she is an abnormal being. are there others in this great void. possibly, but she will never find them. searching everywhere. as the days go on. no on is found. nothing to hold on. every second becoming more lifeless. she is still alive. but living a life that does not exist. she sits and she stares and she thinks about things. about her about him about how things should be. about school and work and family and health. about government and music and santa clause with his elves. is any of it real? when she was younger she was told of a man named "santa clause" she believed. yet was betreyed, for as you all know santa is not amongst the living he is not alive, yet still can be found in every childs mind. how is she to be sure that everything else is not the same. how is anyone sure? you? me? everyone who is sitting in an office thinking why am i here. why is anyone here. the questions that flow through her head emotions tainted by her mind, by her blood. when will it end. when will she be free. lifelessness is all it can be. "these are the best days of our lives". someone once told her she was nothing. someone once told her she was everything. but who to believe? her relations must say "hello dear, my how you've grown. and so beautifully." but to the true onlookers "why are you like this? how will i know?" sit around trying to finish the puzzle. "were you neglected at home? were your parents abusive? raped by an uncle maybe." no no no no she keeps it inside for no one to see. secrets hidden so deep even she cannot see. like a fish in an aquarium. she goes through life. floating there. everyone else swimming by. going upstream. but she is destined to remain. what is in her future? why nothing. for she is already dead. human souls walk amongst the dead and see them as the living. see their bright blue eyes. see their dark brown hair. and converse with her every day. but what does anyone really know? someone once told her "you are wise for your age". dead for ten years. alive for five. why should it make a difference? age is nothing. weather she is 45 or 15 shouldnt matter. after all this is AMERICA. home of the free. where an entire country's survival is based on the government. ah. and then there is religion. if only this girl had religion in her life. things would be better. someone once said to her "run away. go to a far off town to some church. claim you are lost. and when asked announce you have forgotten your name" it would be perfect. alas, but religion is the biggest "sin" of them all. to believe in religion is to believe in sant a clause. and to believe you can jump off the roof and "god" will save you. you will not be hurt, for "he" is there. but like many others he is dead. religion does not exisit in her mind. of course things would be better if everyone could cover the truth with lies. someone once said " everything is a lie. so even if you tell the truth you are still lying" so back to her world. the world of the damned. what is to happen to this :lost girl: what will she become? nothing. as i've already further explained. she is merely here to walk this pitiful planet and be drained of all life. everyon else. walking by. they look at her. some try to help her up. but it is no use. for someone cannot be helped if they dont want to be helped. some try for days. others for years. and still nothing happens. still here. :lost girl: frozen in a moment. nothing will become of her. why even stay. life is pointless in here eyes. ah.. her eyes. once a luminous shade of blue, now a dull grey. she is lost forever. walking amongst the living. but already dead.. Chapter Four
falling into forever
sugar and blood