· She makes Free Willy look like a tic tac
· When she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials
· The last time she saw 90210 was on the scale
· When she steps on the scale it says one at a time please
· When she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate
· When she steps on the scale it says sorry we don't do livestock
· At a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies " yes Please"
· When she went to the beach Green peace tried to drag her back in the water.
· When she went to get a waterbed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
· When she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
· When she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
· She makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
· She makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
· When she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
· Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
· When she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
· She can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
· That she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
· I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
· When she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
· She’s 36-24-36... but that's her forearm, neck, and thigh!
· They had to grease a doorframe and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
· She can lie down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
· The horse on her Polo shirt is real.
· When she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
· Her belly jiggle is the first ever-perpetual motion machine.
· All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"
· When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
· Instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
· When she gets in an elevator, it has to go down.
· When I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
· When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
· She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
· She’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
· A picture of her fell off the wall! Her picture takes two frames.
· Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo MaMa is SO UGLY…

· When she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
· She looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
· Just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
· They push her face into dough to make cookies.
· They filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
· They didn't give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
· Instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
· When she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras
· Her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
· Her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
· The government moved Halloween to her birthday.
· They pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
· She made an onion cry.
· When she went to the beautician it took 12 hours . . .for a quote!
· When she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!
· Even Rice Kris pies won't talk to her!
· On Halloween the kids trick or treat her by phone!
· She turned Medusa to stone!
· People go as her to Halloween parties.
· I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
· That your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo MaMa is SO STUPID…

· She tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
· She thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
· She ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald's and said, "Hold the cheese."
· She put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball to come out.
· She got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
· When she missed the 44 buses, she took the 22 twice instead.
· She ordered her sushi well done.
· She thought she needed a token to get on soul train.
· She bought a solar powered flashlight.
· She told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't read.
· A parked car hit her.
· She sold the car for gas money.
· She thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
· She thought asphalt was a skin disease.
· She thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
· When she saw the "NC-17" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
· She called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
· When she heard 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
· She got fired from a blowjob.
· She asked you what the number for 911 was.
· She thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Doggy Dog’s holiday album.
· She bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.