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Neon Genesis Evangelion: Drama Note: this script was not dictated by me, for I am not fluent in Japanese. Someone else did this wonderful work, and if anyone has knowledge as to who should be credited with this determination and loyalty, then please inform me. What I have done instead is modify some of the script by adding and/or changing some of what was originally written. And, of course, there is the color-coding... Now, this is the script to that of the track "Drama" from the EVA Addition CD, roughly. It is imperative that that track be acquired before reading this script -- it's much more fun that way. However, if you don't have the time to get the track just now, go ahead and spoil yourself a little -- it'll still be worth getting. Act I: The Meeting -sounds of machinery in the background- Asuka: What? "Due to the popularity of the series, we will be extending its run?" Misato: That's right! Asuka: I never heard anything about that! Ritsuko: Well, you heard it now, didn't you? Asuka: Well... *pouts* Touji: They call for a reunion and this is what happens? Kensuke: We were slacking so happily too after that show finally ended... Fuyutsuki: I guess this is the end of all those lazy days... Gendo: I guess so. They already have a date for the new episodes set. Maya: They've planned that far ahead? Hyuga: They had more trouble deciding when the original series was going to start... Aoba: It's all about money... Asuka: Why do we have to be part of something the guys at the top decided on without our permission just to make a buck? Misato: Business makes the world go 'round, and popularity is the barometer for success! Rei: The ancients said: "the two things we will always want are popularity and work." Ritsuko: It's the fear of loneliness that drives us. Misato: In this unstable time, it's better to have work than not at all! Asuka: Well...I suppose...I guess it beats lying around in a hospital bed...fine, let's do it then! Rei: What does the situation look like? Misato: There doesn't seem to even be a schedule of events... Ritsuko: We don't have a script but recording begins tonight. All: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Misato: So we better think of some good ideas quick for an episode! We've got until evening. Asuka: No way! It's impossible! Misato: We've got no choice. This is what the guy at the top wants...I guess this is what happens to those with a popular show... Ritsuko: We've already okay-ed it...there's no use complaining now. Let's just face the reality of the situation. Asuka: *whine whine pout pout* Misato: Quit with the whining already! Ritsuko: That's right. What's important now is how we're going to overcome this crisis. Maya: By working together, right? Asuka: This is so sad... Touji: There's no escaping this. We knew it would happen sooner or later... Maya: Wow, kids today really know what's going on! Kensuke: Alright then...let's take the situation apart and analyze it for a clear and concise solution. Maya: Wow! Kids nowadays sure have a head on their shoulders! Kensuke: Therefore, to recover without lost of popularity, it's only logical that before anything else, we do one thing: bring back that guy. Misato: No problems there. We have him all set to go! -footsteps- Kowaru: My name is Nagisa Kowaru...hello once again. Asuka: Doh, it's that gay homo again! Kowaru: Would you be so kind as to stop spreading those unfound rumors? Oh, but I forget...you're lacking in upbringing and manners after all... Asuka: Hey, that's none of your business! Touji: What's this? Getting mad 'cos he's right about you? Asuka: How dare you! Shut up, you dork with no brains! -*bam pow whap* and fighting ensues...- Touji: Oh yeah? Well you've got no chest! Kowaru: But hey, your belly is pretty big though... Asuka: Gah! You guys don't have any caring for other peoples feelings do you! *kill kill kill* Kensuke: What you guys lack is the spirit of teamwork and unity! Maya: What we really lack is time and money... *complain complain whine whine* Misato: Alright already! While you're doing this stupid bickering, the deadline for the show is getting closer and closer! Hyuga: We're in a horrible pinch! Aoba: But what's there to do? With things like this, how can we revive the series? It's impossible! Misato: *slams beer can* That's right, it is...so that's why we're going to change it instead! Ritsuko: We're gathering opinions from all over about how we might change the series. -fighting fades away- Touji: So that's why you called us together? Misato: Yep. We expect to hear all your opinions for our "new direction!" Aoba: *sounds of dishes* Well, since you're asking, the best way to improve the series is by doing that, definitely! Fuyutsuki: Right, increasing the sex appeal. Gendo: Yes. That will be perfect. Act II: Sex Appeal -"A Moment When Tension Breaks" plays- Misato: ....and so, for now on, you two will be known as the "Plug Gals!" Asuka: The "Plug Gals?" Ritsuko: And here are your newly designed plug suits. -suits are displayed- Asuka: Wha...wha...what the heck are these? You can completely see through to the panties! Maya: Hmmm, those will definitely stir some emotions up... Ritsuko: Well, that way they'll appeal more to the male viewers. Misato: It's not so bad...and besides you're still young! -sound of Asuka suiting up- Asuka: Whoa! You can completely see all the way through to the nipple shape and color! Ritsuko: Well, that way they'll appeal more to the male viewers. Misato: It's no so bad...and besides, you're still young! -Asuka shifts in suit- Asuka: Well, urm, yes, we're still young. But there's still a limit to things! Ritsuko: But Rei doesn't seem to mind... Asuka: Come on, First...say something! You're a bashful young maiden aren't you? Rei: It's a job. Asuka: Gah...lacking lines and delicacy as always aren't you! *pout* Rei: I don't have anything. Asuka: What are you smokin'? Don't you know that if you even move funny, they can see your-- -tugs something off Rei- Guys: Whhhhhhhhhooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Kowaru: What's the matter, Shinji-kun? There's blood coming out of your nose. *pat pat* Touji: Well, he saw something he's not used to seeing... Kensuke: It's just a normal reaction. Asuka: And, that's not the worse of it! If I go like this-- -sound of Rei being suited up- Guys: Whhhhhhhhhooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ritsuko: Commander Ikari? Fuyutsuki: What's the matter? There's blood coming out of your nose... *pat pat* Gendo: Uhhh...it's nothing. Misato: Hmmm, this may not work after all... Asuka: See? If this was TV, there would be a digital thing over her-- Rei: It's a job. Asuka: Well well, Wondergirl. No complaints from you I see... Act III: ...Back in the Meeting... -sounds of machinery in the background- Misato: *slams can of beer* Well, that's that...we'll keep the sex appeal as the topping...but now to move on to new ideas! Asuka: Oh, me me me! I have something to say! It has to do with the hero of the show. Ritsuko: Ikari Shinji-kun, ne? Asuka: That's right! We shouldn't let this dull kid be the hero! It's a mistake! See, this idiot still hasn't even said one word today! Some hero, huh? Shinji: Oh! Sorry... Asuka: What are you, an idiot? Your first chance to speak and that's what you say? Gahhh! There's no color or style to anything you do! Misato: Hmmmm... Ritsuko: You do have a point there... Fuyutsuki: Then it's set. We change the hero. Gendo: I have no problem with that. Shinji: But...but... Asuka: Alright, that takes care of idiot Shinji. Now for that... girrrrl... Ritsuko: Ayanami Rei? Asuka: Uh huh. She's a walking log! We definitely need to do something about that doll girl. Fuyutsuki: But she's the number one in the popularity polls. Gendo: *nod* The problem isn't in her. Asuka: I really can't forgive that! She's got hardly any appearances or lines, and all she does is stand there--what an easy job--and still she's the most popular! All she says is "yes," or else, "that's nice," or "good-bye" or something or the other! She really really really pisses me off! Shinji: Asuka, that's all you talk about. Does it really annoy you that much? Asuka: Oh shut up, idiot Shinji!! Ritsuko: But there is something to what Asuka says... Misato: If Rei is this popular without speaking...what if she were to speak? Then maybe she would be even more popular! Fuyutsuki: It might be worth trying out. Gendo: Yes. Ritsuko: But in our situation, we shouldn't do anything too risky. Misato: Okay then...we'll do a love comedy/school setting. That always works! Act IV: School Time Love -the bell rings to end classes and a pool splash is heard- Bully Asuka: So youse da new kid, Ayanami Rei, are ya? Rei: Yes. I think the third one. Bully Asuka: Well, I'm the shadow leader of this school, and how dare youse walk right in front of me without a word, huh, punk? Rei: Sure. I don't know. Bully Asuka: Well den, I guess I get ta put a punch in yer face as an apology. Rei: Fine. Bully Asuka: Geez! Why don't you say something more? That really pisses me off! Rei: May I? Asuka: Iffen ya think ya can tawk da tawk, then go ahead...try me-- -sound of Rei taking a deep breath...- Rei: ive been listening to you talk for way too long now and you've been saying some pretty nasty things without me talking back is it my fault you're mad that you always lose to me in the popularity polls by double digits? just cos you're young and vibrant doesn't mean a thing-- Maya: Um, I don't think this is a love comedy... Misato: ...you think? Rei: --just being cute doesn't mean anything you need more than that to get through life I'll show you what it really takes... *slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap slap...* [scary, isn't it?] Asuka: ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow... Ritsuko: Hmmm, we have a problem... Fuyutsuki: This won't work... Gendo: Stop the change. This is not my Rei. Rei: *...slap slap slap slap slap slap* ...You're the idiot. Asuka: ...ow ow ow ow ow ow Rei: That felt good. Fu-- Act V: Meeting Revisited -and yet again with the sounds of machinery in the background- Misato: ...so, it seems we're keeping Rei the way she was. Ritsuko: But we still need ideas to get us out of this sticky situation. Asuka: Oh oh oh! Me me me! I have a super good, super awesome idea! Misato: What is it, Asuka? Asuka: A power rangers show! All: Power rangers? -"Decisive Battle" plays- Asuka: Those shows have a 40 year history, so they must be doing something right. It's gotta be the best direction for us! Shinji: But nowadays, only otaku and children watch those shows. Asuka: What are you? An idiot? That's exactly what we're aiming for! We want an old audience as well as a younger audience. Two birds with one stone! And our popularity will double double! Misato: Oh yeah... Ritsuko: I think she's got a point there... Asuka: We even have five pilots already! It's totally rockin'! Shinji: Urrrmmm...whos' going to be the hero? Asuka: Duh! In all those shows, the leader always wears courage red! Therefore, it's only natural that I, with my red combat suit, am the leader! Kowaru: Why can't it be me? Asuka: What are you smokin'? Ever since to today, the leaders have been red! Society has decreed it! Touji: Uh huh. You just wanted to be the leader, right? Asuka: Gah! You think too much for a guy! Words are useless... action is where's it at! Ready? Act VI: Power Evanger Ho! -lightsaber-like noise, cue cheesy action music remix- Asuka: We are... Pilots: Neon Rangers, Evangelion! Angel: gachi gachi gachi gachi gachi... Misato: Looks like we have another angel on our hands! Everyone get out there! Asuka: Roger that! Ready for action everyone? Others: ...sure... Angel: gachi gachi gachi gachi gachi... Asuka: Yaaah! *?* *sparkle* The color of my battle suit is heroic red! It stands for hard work and determination! I am the Second Child, Red! *sparkle* The color of the battle suit is diaper white! It stands for silence and not talking at all! She is the First Child, White! Rei: It's a job. *sparkle* Asuka: The color of the battle suit is a gloomy blue! It stands for a super idiot and a useless type of guy! He is the Third Child, Blue! Shinji: ...don't run away... *sparkle* Asuka: The color of the battle suit is a country bumpkin's green! It stands for a fiery slacker! He is the Fourth Child, Green! Touji: Are we done yet? *sparkle* Asuka: The color of the battle suit is an annoying crow black! It stands for narcissism and homosexuality! He is the Fifth Child, Black! Kowaru: I love songs...don't you? *sparkle* Asuka: To save this severe age...we are--! Others: ...the new...power...evangers... Asuka: Yaaaah! Go Prog Blade! *sounds of explosions and death* Red Blaster! *more explosions* Misato: Hmm...only Asuka's getting into this... Ritsuko: How are the test results going? *beeeep* Hyuga: This is bad. The ratings won't move at all! Maya: No phone calls, good or bad. Aoba: No response from faxes either... Misato: In other words, no one's watching, eh? Fuyutsuki: Back to the drawing board then? Gendo: Yes. *final explosion* Act VII: Drawing Board Misato: I guess this type of show didn't have anything new or special to offer... Ritsuko: We shouldn't have played God and taken one person's tastes over the varying tastes of the masses. This has been a lesson learned. Asuka: Well, I liked it...*pout* Misato: Well, we better do something quick, or we're headed to absolute failure! Ritsuko: The way we're going, it's like a candle's flame. The show will keep getting smaller and smaller until suddenly there's nothing left. Shinji: Um...why don't we go ask the viewers what they'd like to see changed? Kowaru: Great idea...but of course...it's coming from you, ne, Shinji-kun. [oh yeah, he's gay] Maya: We're taking a step into the future! Asuka: If all we do is take suggestions from the "customers," nothing good will ever come out of it. Misato: It's better than nothing. It's no good having merchandise you can't sell. -sound of shuffling through papers- Ritsuko: Captain Katsuragi...how about this? Misato: Lemme see here..."Eva is a huge robot and yet it can't morph or change or anything. That's boring!" Asuka: Heeey! That's so true! Aoba: Yeah! Maya: He's got something there! Hyuga: But how do we do something about that now? Asuka: Easy! What we have to do is get beaten up really bad once! Kensuke: Then we'll either have a commercial or we'll retreat back to base to make new plans! Ritsuko: I see...it's an opportunity to change the mech and such...a turning point...a power up? Misato: But we've already tweaked up Unit-00. Asuka: But not enough we haven't! All you've done is a paint job! We need a bigger change! Shinji: So we can't go on like before? Asuka: You really are an idiot aren't you? Having a robot that doesn't even fly means we're way behind the times! Ritsuko: There also aren't enough weapons to make toys and merchandise out of... Fuyutsuki: ...or a morphing Eva that can join with the others. No power up parts either. Gendo: Yes. But don't worry... Act IX: Mega Eva -screeching wheels noise and "She Said, Don't Make Others Suffer for Your Personal Hatred" plays- Misato Ready you three? We're going to try out the new morphable Eva system. I trust you to do well! Asuka: Leave it to me! Ready, Shinji? Shinji: Um...okay...let's see...go...change...jet? *sounds of a jet engine* Maya: Wow! Unit-01 has gone from a massive mack truck to a luxury airplane! Asuka: Chaaaaaaaange! EVA Train! Switch on! *sounds of a train* Hyuga: Oh! Unit-02 has gone from a replica of the Tokyo Tower to our super fast, Shinkansen! Rei: Change, Eva Ship. *sounds of a navy vessel* Aoba: Yes! Unit-00 has turned from a massive cargo tanker to an underwasser boat! Asuka: Ready to join up? Others: ...roger... All: Three for one and one for all! The new, improved, mega EVA! Aoba: Yikes! The three Evas have joined together to become...a larger than life, highway robot! Asuka: But that's not all! Depending on how we join up, we can become the Rainbow Bridge or a big ass Chunnel as well! Misato: This is exactly what all the toy stores dream of! It's an incredible transformation! Asuka: Go mega EVA! Prog Sword! Berserker slash! Ritsuko: And the results this time? Maya: Hardly any, maam... Ritsuko: What could we be missing? - end "She Said, Don't Make Others Suffer for Your Personal Hatred"- Act X: Drawing Board Part Deux -sounds of machinery in the background- Misato: I guess it all comes down to choosing an enemy now, huh? Asuka: Definitely! I mean, we already killed the last angel by the 24th episode...what are we going to do? Kowaru: Are you talking about me? Asuka: You're still here? Hurry up and turn back into an enemy! Kowaru: No. Nowadays the enemy has to turn to good for the one he loves. Especially if he's as beautiful as I am. [gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay] Rei: Fine, stay. Ritsuko: We don't have time...let's see what we're working with... Maya: I think it was hard for many to understand where all the angels came from. Fuyutsuki: True. They were just kinda' there all the time. Gendo: Yes. That's a problem. Misato: Okay then, we'll work on that... Asuka: Hey, I have an idea. We should have them introduce them-selves! Act XI: Hello's and Goodbye's -Jaws-like music plays- Enemy 1: I am the evil creature from Mars, the species known as the Black God. Stupid denizens of Earth, I will use these space angels to destroy all of you! Asuka: See? Now we know who, what and why our enemy is! Kensuke: This is much easier to understand! Misato: Good good...I like the use of "destroy" over "massacre..." Asuka: But wait! Now an even bigger enemy has to appear! Ritsuko: The design will be exactly the same, but we'll change the color. -new creepy music begins- Enemy 2: [Wa ha ha] I am not like that gad fly useless Black God! I have come from beyond the Black Hole and the White Hole--I am the Space Black God! I will use all my UFO angels to kill and destroy everything! *sounds of explosions* Asuka: And then the scene fades to space! Hyuga: If the scene is space, then we don't have to waste time and money on layouts and background! Aoba: We even have the robot action already done. Misato: Nice work, Asuka! Fuyutsuki: Pretty good I'd say... Gendo: Yes. Act XII: A New Character? *sounds of machinery again* Ritsuko: Now, all we need to have a successful and popular show is... Misato: We need our mascot character to have an even bigger part! Shinji: So what you're saying is...PenPen should learn how to speak Japanese? Rei: Nice idea. Ritsuko: Not bad. Alright PenPen, say something. PenPen: i've been listening to you guys talk and talk and ignore me this is the age of birds birds birds! If you have me on the show more often all the school girls will be screaming for more and more and more of me but you have to put me on the damn show as the hero you fools..[now Megumi Hayashibara is beginning to scare me] Misato: Wahhh! Asuka! Shut him up! Asuka: Get over here! Wait...over...*BOOT* PenPen: lfjcouorelalfaocorjeljlrej (gagged and tied up) *whimper whimper* -sounds of red alert!- -"Pleasure Principle" plays- Fuyutsuki: Oh no! We're running out of time! Ritsuko: Let's head striaght for the conclusion! Maya: If there's anything else we need... Hyuga: It's gotta be action! More of that heart pounding action! Misato: Well, if you're a woman, you'd want more of trendy drama! A very adult, trendy drama, ne? Rei: Pass, Commander. Asuka: Or NERV gets destroyed by the UFO angels! Aoba: Reestablishment of old characters while bringing out new ones? Fuyutsuki: How about ghost stories in time for the summer? Kensuke: Something unselfish and worldly? Asuka: Eva brothers and sisters? Touji: Something a little country and fiery...like me! Ritsuko: Just like you like, Asuka. Asuka: Don't put me with that ignoramus! Kowaru: There's not enough beauty in that. Asuka: Keep quiet, you homo! Ritsuko: How about an inn story with a woman inn keeper? Maya: And we could have it set at a hot springs? Misato: And we could sell fresh lobster and such? Rei: Pass, Commander. Aoba: Or an ambitious doctor in training story? Touji: No no, that's not fiery enough! Asuka: Okay okay, how about a musical? It'll be the cry of our souls! Fly me to da mooooooooooooooooon!! -sounds of Touji and Asuka arguing in the background- Maya: But that will take too many cels and too much effort! Ritsuko: Extra service adds to our destruction! Fuyutsuki: At this rate, we won't decide on anything. Aoba: Should we just go for a vote? Hyuga: That will only take up more valuable time. Misato: We need one good, one deciding suggestion! -all noises of confusion and "Pleasure Principle" ends- Asuka: I got it! An anime with no pictures! Others: An anime with no pictures? Asuka: Exacto! At the very beginning of the show, we'll turn off all the lights! Then the screen will be all black and we can tape in Beta plus we don't have to draw one cel! Misato: Hey, that's so true! Asuka: And, if we do all the sound effects and background music ourselves, then we save more money and more time while increasing our salaries! We'll kill three birds with one stone! And if that doesn't work out, we can do something with the narration! Fuyutsuki: We have no choice. Let's do it. Gendo: Yes. Act XIII: Finale -sounds of all the girls as crickets- -sounds of the guys as guns and blasters and destruction- -sounds of screaming and dogs yelping- -sound of red alert by Asuka- -guys begin to hum "The Beast"- -Gendo as the sound of the EVA launch- -sounds of fighting and a massive struggle- -.......- Misato: Yes! Unit-01 has defeated the angel! -phones begin to ring off the hook- Maya: We are receiving an incredible amount of calls! Aoba: Faxes as well! Maya: I can't get them all! Hyuga: But ratings have never been lower! Misato: Doh! Ritsuko: This is pathetic. Fuyutsuki: Well, I guess that is that. Gendo: Yes. -and the plug is pulled- ~fin
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