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7/23, 7:05 p.m.
Kansas City Royals at Detroit Tigers, Comerica Park
(Or, "Detroit: rhymes with 'Chuck'")

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First off, if you are - or anyone you know and love is - from Detroit,
you may want to stop reading now. This could get ugly.
Still here? Good.
Man, what a cesspool. Good God. Seriously, it could be the worst place
on earth. In fact, there are exactly three redeeming qualities of
Detroit:
- They have a really good hockey team.
- They have a really nice ballpark (Comerica).
- Chuck Knoblauch doesn't call it home.
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Other than that, this city has nothing going for it. In fact, if
anyone ever hears Jeff or Steve complain about the Big Dig again,
they request that you smack them upside the head. Detroit's traffic
flow is ten times worse. Our heroic travelers encountered 4 detours
between the Ohio/Michigan line and Comerica Park - and one of them
was a DETOUR FROM A DETOUR. Seriously, you couldn't make this stuff
up. The worst
part is, there doesn't appear
to be
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A view of the beautiful Detroit skyline. |
any construction underway at any of them. Sure, there are cones
and barrels and lights and signs, but there aren't any workers behind
them…they weren't even taking breaks.
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The front gate of Comerica Park is
quite a sight. |
Additionally, the roads that aren't "under construction" are crappy,
the buildings are run down, and two-thirds of the skyline is smokestacks.
Oh, and the drivers will block your lane, leave their car and approach
you in a threatening manner if you flip them off. At least, that's
the rumor.
In baseball action, the Tigers really took it to the Royals tonight,
taking the contest by a final of 10-1. A 19 hit attack paced things
for Detroit, |
highlighted
by a two-out rally in the bottom of the third that saw six consecutive
Tigers get hits. When the dust had settled and the third out was finally
recorded, Kansas City and starter Jeff Suppan were down 6-0. On the
other end, former Yankee prospect Mark Redman retired 24 of the 28
Royals he faced in throwing 8 magnificent innings for the home team.
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Our heroes really liked Comerica Park, but it's too early to tell
if they were just glad to be off the streets of Detroit. One thing
is for certain: They enjoyed the proximity of the seats to the field
(more on that in a bit). But it's way too big (420' to straightaway
center, 395' to the power alleys), the scoreboard is gratuitously
huge, and nobody goes there. Its atmosphere reminded both Steve
and Jeff of Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix. When you walk in, you
have no idea you're in a sporting venue. But just walk by the McDonald's,
step around the Ferris
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Comerica boasts this odd looking baseball
ferris wheel, as well as a merry go 'round, and other such attractions
that help ensure that as few people as possible are actually watching
the baseball game. |
wheel,
hang a left at the carousel and there's a Major League Baseball diamond
in front of you.
When you finally get to that diamond, that's where the fun begins.
Comerica boasts great home run catching seats…at least, it would if
the fences were reachable. In a 10 run, 19 hit attack, the closest
the Tigers came to hitting a home run was when Brandon Inge hit a
line drive to the deepest part of the park and was thrown out trying
to stretch his RBI triple into a two-run inside-the-park homer. Also,
Randall Simon - Detroit's latest version of Cecil Fielder - managed
a triple. If this guy is taking three bases in one at-bat, it's time
to move in the fences.
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The Royals' Chuck Knoblauch is a prime
target
for the left field hecklers. |
But
the seats in the left field corner are right along the wall - there's
no aisle in front of them like in most parks. That means that if the
Royals are in town, you'll be able to get up
close and personal with Chuck Knoblauch. Good times, good times.
Following the game, Steve and Jeff started off towards Chicago. With
no real destination for the evening, they resolved to get out at least
out of Michigan.
So overall, they're in agreement: Steve and Jeff would certainly make
a return trip to Comerica Park.
Just let them know when its been moved out of Detroit. |

Yes, Jeff actually caught a ball during
batting practice today. |
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This statue of Willie Horton illustrates
how he was able to
overcome giant growths on his arms on his way to a Hall of Fame career. |

Check out the Chicago Style Hot Dog's
topping offerings.
And Steve has just one question: "What the heck is
'pop'?" |

Behold. The Chicago Style Hot Dog.
It was damn tasty, but nearly impossible to eat without spilling the
overabundance of toppings everywhere. |
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Comisky Park, Chicago -->
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