Drug Abuse Permitted In China If Causing Death

Like in many countries, using drugs used to be a crime in China (you know, the country with over 1 billion people who all look the same). But from January 2003 on, drug abuse is permitted if directly or indirectly causing death to anyone. This was confirmed by Ho-Jo Bobo, managing director of Population Control. Says Bobo: "Of course we don't mean to promote drug abuse, but it is simply too crowded in our country, man! As long as junkies die from using drugs, we don't really care that they have committed a crime."

Business

Museum Of Recyclable Coffeecups Bankrupt

The world-famous Museum Of Recyclable Coffeecups has, after decades of struggling to survive, finally gone bankrupt. This was caused by various reasons. First of all, looking at one recyclable can be fun. Looking at two can be fun. Looking at three can be nice. Looking at four can be sort of nice. Looking at five can be pleasant. Looking at six can be okay. Looking at seven can be swell. Looking at eight can be... Well, to make things short: the Museum Of Recyclable Coffeecups has 83,519 different coffeecups. With no coffee in it. That's why visitors who had just come in got out to buy a cup of coffee somewhere else. Secondly, the museum was in the vicinity of Disneyland, which lured potential visitors away. The coffeecups will be recycled to, you probably guessed it, Mickey Mouse masks. 

Science

Research Shows: YR!Z Poll Voters Can Not Say "Yes"

Yeah Right! Zine readers, who were not a family member of its creator and who did the YR!Z Poll (see below), turn out to be unable to say "yes". Yes, each one of them answered "No" to the Poll's question, with no exception. Especially for them, we will now explain the meaning of the word "yes". It means "affirmative". Too hard for you to understand? Okay, try this: it means the opposite of "no". Try to use the word "yes" now. Feels great, eh?

Entertainment

O.J. Simpson Casted For Movie "I Killed And Got Away With It"

Ill-Usion Movie Company has confirmed that O.J. Simpson will have the leading part in the 2003 Christmas blockbuster "I Killed And Got Away With It". The director of the movie, Larry Spindelbliss, says hiring Simpson for the job is a good example of so-called type-casting. "O.J. has got everything it takes to play the role of a murdering butcher psycho. He knows what it's like - because he used to be a football player." Simpson says he has taken the part because at the end of the film he turns out to be innocent. (Oops! Excuse my spoiling.)  

Sports

Football Match Results

Editorials