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World News
Husayn Starts War Against Terror In Order To Confuse US
Iraq's recently re-elected dictator Saddam Husayn is confirmed to have started a war against terror, just like the Americans. Husayn's motives are unclear, but a megalomanic and unemployed journalist, who wishes to stay anonymous, says they are "confusing US president George W. Bush and the rest of America" and "having a good reason to exterminate the terrorist minorities in Iraq, such as the Kurds". Consequently, Britain's prime minister Tony Blair declared a "war against the war against terror". Husayn, upon hearing this, is supposed to have said: "Gotcha!". Bush is currently in hospital recovering from a severe case of confusion and compulsive drooling.
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---RECTIFICATION nr 0002--- |
| In Issue 1 of Volume 2, dated January 2002, we wrote the following: "The Olympic Comity have declared that kissing butt is now officially an Olympic sport." This is incorrect. Kissing butt, in all its variations that nature has to offer us, is more like a hobby, or perhaps even a way of life for some people. And that has got nothing to do with Olympic sports. We sincerely apologize. |
 
Business |
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Smoking Woman With Brain Cancer Gets Earth As Compensation
A 45-year-old woman suffering from brain cancer has won a trial against tobacco manufacturer Marlboro, who made the sigarets she smoked that caused her brain cancer. As a compensation for her suffering she has gotten possession of planet Earth in its entirety. She is not sure what she is going to do with it. Fortunately, she has not long to live and has no family that can inherit it from her. Says the woman: "I will give Africa back to the Africans. I don't need Africa. As the new ruler of this Earth, I will see to it that sigarets are forbidden for good (coughing)". Says Marlboro president Damon Ash: "Sigarets don't suck, the people who smoke them do. Can't they read what's printed on the package? Can we help it that they want to die by smoking our - wonderful - products?"
Science |
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Senile Physicist Discovers Meaning Of Life, Can Not Put It Into Words
Sam Maddox, a 69-year-old scientist and physics expert, is reported to have discovered the meaning of life. When asked what it was, Maddox was unable to answer because he is in an advanced stage of senility. Maddox started searching for the meaning of life when he was just an 11-year-old kid. Just as he got close to discovering why everything exists, his senility began. Getting so close to the answer of the Ultimate Question may even have caused his senility. Some of his colleagues claim that becoming senile is the meaning of life. Which is why he discovered it.
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Entertainment |
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Richard Gere Separated Twin Brother Of Mr Spock
DNA examination and face comparison of both Richard Gere (famous actor) and Dr Spock (an alien from Star Trek) has revealed that they are twin brothers. As a consequence, Gere is a Vulcan. Or Spock is an actor. Says Gere: "Look at my ears. How can I be a Vulcan if I haven't got pointed ears?" Says Spock: "Acting is illogical. Therefore, Vulcans don't act. Therefore I'm not an actor, because I am Vulcan." When we showed interest in his story, Spock said: "I seem to remember that long ago, when we were only a couple of days old, we were put in a spaceship and send to Earth, because we were so ugly that we would never have survived on Vulcan. Looking back, that wasn't such an illogical move. People love us".
Sports |
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Basketball Team Freeze Out Player With Happy Childhood
Lawrence Spindelbliss, a 23-year-old white basketball player from Seattle, has been severely bullied by his colleagues. As a result, Spindelbliss has become burned out and unable to play. The reason his teammates nagged the guy is because they found out that Spindelbliss did not have an unhappy childhood when he was still a kid. Says one of the teammates: "Me and my bro's can not accept a sissy in our team." Their coach said later that day: "As far as I'm concerned, Larry can come back as soon as he has one or more tattoos on his body. When his teammates see the tattoos they are more likely to identify with him, and hopefully will accept Larry back in the gang."
Editorials |
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| COLUMN |
by Flash F |
| It kills me that this
site doesn't attract more visitors or gets more visits. I imagine
that the reasons for this are as follows. One: this website
is designed to amuse. But people who want to be amused don't come
here. They visit sites that deliver jokes, preferably adult (sex)
jokes. Or they search for funny pictures. Which can't be found on
the YR!Z site. Two: other news satire sites rank
higher in the (Google) search engines. Probably because they have
more links linking to them than YR!Z does. (Examples: The
Onion and Satire Wire). Three: very few people search for
news satire. Less than one hundred people a month, it appears.
(Tell me if I'm wrong). I guess the only way to get big is to promote and advertise. This costs money. So, I intend to get big by offering really funny content. No wonder we don't get big. All I can do is ask you, the visitor, to come back often, tell your friends about this site, linking to this site from your own website or newsgroup, or rating this site with 10 points. You may write in the Guestbook what you think is really funny. Thanks! |
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| HORRORSCOPE & PALMISTRY |
one size fits all |
| Your throat is aching, because you are
too busy developing your only talent: talking. Try to talk a little
less, so you have time to see what's going on around you. You will
notice that the Earth is decaying, being destroyed by mankind. As a
result, you will join Greenpeace and get yourself involved in
hijacking a Japanese oil tanker. Of course, you are arrested and put
into jail. Who would have thought that that would happen to
you? Well, we did. It is written in the stars with great
detail. Everything you do and will ever do can be predicted by the
position of constellations, galaxies, black holes, quazars,
supernovas, planets and stars. And of course the lines on your hand.
We will now read your hands. Put your hands, palms to the front, against your monitor now. Excellent. Hmmm... I see that you will meet the love of your life. For a couple of seconds. He (or she) will grab your purse. Let it be. He really needs the money. (Cocaine is such a wonderful drug). Don't ask for his telephone number, because he hasn't got one. Okay, you can now remove your hands. That's it for now. More revelations next month. |
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