>> Life

LIfe has changed, it certainly has. Have I changed? I hope I have, because it's impossible to be what I am before when so much around me isn't the same anymore.

I'm sad. How often do we hear these three words being uttered by the people around us everyday? How many people in the world actually mean it when they say that? And to what extent? I'm sad. Not the kind that will have my mouth drooped down all day long, or the kind that will make me cry buckets of tears. More like a kind of deep, quiet poignancy...the kind that makes me want to weep when it's late at night, I'm all alone peering up into the sky, listening to some melancholic love song playing on the radio.

Why is it like that? I don't like this..too many people are sad..there must be somebody in this world who is geniuely happy and content with what he or she has.

>> Myself

I used to find it strange how some people can have different faces, act this way with some people and another with another crowd of people. I used to think how is it possible that I'm like that, but now I realised it's actually common among the people around us. The environment, the company, the mood, affects you directly..have you wondered how come some people can just bring out the best in you without meaning to? Maybe that's call chemistry..

I'm drifiting away from the topic..me!

I'm quiet, an introverted girl who prefers to keep to myself most of the time. I have this fantastic ability to keep mute for hours even if I'm in the company of the noisest group of people. Not that I'm purposely trying to be 'dao' or unfriendly, I just basically have nothing to say..and sometimes I'm just too lazy to make the effort to talk. Therefore people who like to jump to conclusions will instantly take an aversion towards me..So now you know, I'm one who needs time to warm up to a person..give me a bit of time..the cool frost will melt..and trust me, I hate this part of me..but well it's just me..there isn't really anything I can do about it...

On some occasions, with some people, I can be bubbly, cheerful and smiling all the time. These people bring out another side of me.And you know, I really envy people who are outspoken and just have LOTS to say all the time.

In many ways, I'm a contradictory person, I'm this, and I'm that, so what am I really? I don't know for sure either, a bit of everything.

I love romance, I love watching Japanese and Korean dramas that stir up my emotions. I love listening to slow sad love songs even though they make me cry. Sometimes I just wonder why I like to make myself sad so much. I'm a dreamer, full of idealistic hopes and wishes. When I read, I go for fiction books of all genre, romance, mystery, fantasy, suspense etc. Why am I still a triple science student? Coz I have no idea what I want to do in my life so I followed the crowd and ended up in the most popular combination of subjects.

I am so ordinary. I go out with friends, I watch movies, go shopping, drool over cute guys, fall in love, go to school, feel sad over exams results. Just so ordinary..living in a big world with billions of people..just another girl..

People seem to think I always have someone to go out with, but in actual fact I don't. I go out because there doesn't seem to be any thing else to do. Of course sometimes when my mind isn't clouded with boredom, I will actually tell myself,"Hey you know you can actually go and pick up something? Learn something, do something that will make your time more constructive." And sometimes when I'm really determined, I will really take to my own advice. But then at the end of the day I still come back and feel pathetic about myself..and then it struck me, I live a life without a goal.

But a goal kind of comes naturally to oneself right? I can't say I want to earn a million dollars by the time I'm 20 when that isn't actually what I really want. So I come to another conclusion, there's nothing I want. Yes, nothing. Nothing I want to do, no one I want to see..But again that's not entirely true, I want to see the world.

I realised I'm crapping a lot. Maybe if you managed to read this far, try to interpret and tell me what's wrong with me.