Low-Life Hotline
A new Low-Life Hotline has been implemented. Effective immediately, all family
events/happenings/ups-downs, which require notification of other family members
will be handled by the Low-Life Hotline. Queen Mother Helen has accepted the
responsiblity of deciding what events need to be communicated and to which family members.
Low-Life Charter
The Low-Life Charter will be discussed and decided on at the Low-Life Campout April 27, 1996, at 8:00 pm. Bring ideas!!!!!!!!!
Low-Life Family Job Changes
Princess Di is now gainfully empolyeed at Con-Agra in Macon. Low-Lifers will no longer have to hide their heads in shame or turn red from embarrasment.
Lady Dodo has accepted a job at an Insurance Agency in Jefferson City and begins Monday, April 15. Although she hated to leave her co-worker Lee, she is hoping he will follow her.
Princess Regina (Demo Derby Queen) is selling shoes at Crown Shoe Center in Jefferson City.
Hanging It Up!
By Queen Helen
Jefferson City Low-Life Bureau
"Let it be known throughout the Kingdom of Low-Lifes that his Royal Highness,
Consort Wayne, has decided to hang it up again.
(We have not determined, as of this date, just exactly what it is he's
hanging up, but that's material for a later column.)
For the third time, Prince Consort Wayne has announced his retirement. The actual date has not been finalized, however we have reason to believe it will coincide with warm weather and the fishing season getting into full swing.
Consort Wayne would like everyone to be aware that he will be available for consultation on a variety of subjects, which include:
- How to Drown Worms
- 101 Excuses to Justify Going Fishing When the Lawn Needs Mowing
- Why You Should Buy a Bigger Boat
- How to Really Measure and Weigh a Fish
- How to Train Your Cat to Hunt Alligators
- How to Avoid Cleaning the Fish You Catch
We are sure everyone knows of his latest best seller "The Care and Feeding of Widgeons and Flamingoes". The Consort is an expert on most subjects and he won't be shy telling you this. His fees for consultation are quite reasonable. A six-pack of Micheloeb, a steak or assistance with his "honey-does" is all that is required.
Do not hesitate to use Consort Wayne's consultation services. The services are guaranteed to take up lots of time that might be spent persuing more useful projects.
Driving School Graduates
Princess Ann recently graduated from the "Driving Improvement Program" (DIP school for short). Prince Stuart is scheduled to attend in the very near future.
The school is geared toward drivers who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time or on the wrong bumper at the wrong time or in the wrong lane at the wrong time. Not only does the school provide attendees with some very useful driving tips, it also highlights that those who have not attended are the IDIOTS we fear on the road.
For expert driving tips, please feel free to contact either Princess Ann or Prince Stuart. References regarding Princess Ann's ability to provide driving tips can be obtained from Prince Ron.
Low-Life Family Calendars Available
You can now have your very own Low-Life Calendar. Black and white copies are free,
however there is a 70¢ charge per each month to pay for color copy charges.
Let the editor know if and which copy you would like. A special thanks
to the Queen Mother for her assistance in putting this calendar together.
