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Girlfriend Communication Guide

 WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND      WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND
  /WIFE    SAYS ...         /WIFE REALLY MEANS

 * You want              <=>  You want

 * We need               <=>  I want

 * It's your decision    <=>  The correct decision should be obvious
                              by now.

 * Do what you want      <=>  You'll pay for this later

 * We need to talk       <=>  I need to complain

 * Sure... go ahead      <=>  I don't want you to.

 * I'm not upset         <=>  Of course I'm upset,you moron.

 * You're ... so manly   <=>  You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

 * You're certainly      <=>  Is sex all you ever think about?
   attentive tonight.

 * I'm not emotional!    <=>  I'm on my period.
   And I'm not
   overreacting!

 * Be romantic, turn     <=>  I have flabby thighs.
   out the lights.

 * This kitchen is so    <=>  I want a new house.
   inconvenient

 * I want new curtains   <=>  and carpeting, and furniture, and
                              wallpaper.....

 * I need wedding shoes  <=>  the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade
                              of white

 * Hang the picture      <=>  NO, I mean hang it there!
   there

 * I heard a noise       <=>  I noticed you were almost asleep.

 * Do you love me?       <=>  I'm going to ask for something
                              expensive.

 * How much do you love  <=>  I did something today you're really not
   me?                        going to like.

 * I'll be ready in      <=>  Kick off your shoes and find a good
   a minute.                  game on T.V.

 * Is my butt fat?       <=>  Tell me I'm beautiful.

 * You have to learn     <=>  Just agree with me.
   to communicate.

 * Are you listening     <=>  (Too late, your dead.)
   to me!?

 * Yes                   <=>  No

 * No                    <=>  No

 * Maybe                 <=>  No

 * I'm sorry.            <=>  You'll be sorry.

 * Do you like this      <=>  It's easy to fix,
   recipe?                    so you'd better get used to it.

 * Was that the baby ?   <=>  Why don't you get out of bed and
                              walk him until he goes to sleep.

 * I'm not yelling!      <=>  Yes I am yelling because
                              I think this is important.

 * All we're going to    <=>  It goes without saying that we're
   buy is a soap dish         stopping at the cosmetics department,
                              the shoe department, I need to look
                              at a few new pocket books, and Oh My GOD
                              there's a  pink sheets look great in
                              the bedroom and did you bring your
                              checkbook?