---

This page hosted by
Get your own Free Home Page

Guy Quiz

1. Alien being from a highly adcanced society visit the Earth,
and you are the first earthling they encounter.  As a gesture
of friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly
sophisticated device capable of curing all disease, providing
an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out world hunger and
poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the earth.  You decide to:

A. Present it to the president of the United States
B. Present it to the secretary general of the U.N.
C. Take it apart

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life
do you miss the most?

A. Innocence
B. Idealism
C. Cherry bombs

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips)
C. When he is your brother, you are Al Pacino and this is the
only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for
buisness reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. What about hugging another male?

A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even then
you should repeatedly shout:"I am just dislodging food from
this male's trachea!  I am not in any way aroused!")
C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits
a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided:
1. He is legally within the basepath
2. Both of you are wearing protective cups
3. You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to
cause fractures.

5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to...

A. Remember the deceased and console his loved ones.
B. Reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life.
C. Tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and
cancer.

6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

7. You have been seeing a woman for several years.  She's
attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with
her.  One evening, you two are taking it easy--you're watching
a football game; She's reading the paper -- when she suddenly,
out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really
loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not
knowing where your relationship is going.  She says she's not
asking whether you want to get married; only whether you
believe that you have some kind of a future together.  What do
you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future,
but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
cannot honestly say whether you'll be ready anytime soon to
make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by
holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third
and seventeen.

8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the
joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all
of the adventures and opportunities that the world has to
offer, come what may.  How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her
name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing
her haid and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks
you to get your three children ready for school. Your first
question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed
new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were
originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear
molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy
checks the garbage regularly in case somebody -- and we are not
naming names, but this would be his wife -- is quietly trying
to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of,
because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with
it than with her.

11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation
for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place
for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask directions.

12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.

How to Score:

Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer "c."

A real guy would score at least 10 on this test.

In fact, a real guy would score at least 15, because he would
get the special five-point bonus for knowing the joke about the
guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer.