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Phrases

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
have been using foul language during the course of normal conoversation
with other employees. Due to complaints from some employees who are
more easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

Nontheless, we do realize the critical importance of individuals being
able to properly express their feelings when communicating with fellow
employees. Therefore a list of code phrase replacements has been
compiled so proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive
co-workers.

	OLD PHRASE
	PREFERRED NEW PHRASE

1.	No fucking way

	I'm certain that is not feasible


2.	You've got to be shitting me

	Really?


3.	Tell someone who gives a fuck

	Perhaps you should check with ....


4.	Ask me if i give a fuck

	Of course I'm concerned


5.	It's not my fucking problem

	I wasn't involved in that project


6.	What the fuck

	Interesting!


7.	Fuck it, it won't work

	I'm not so sure I can implement this


8.	Why the fuck didn't you tell me that sooner

	I'll try to schedule that


9.	When the fuck do you expect me to do this

	Perhaps I can work late


10.	Who the fuck cares

	Are you sure this is a problem?


11.	He's got his head up his arse

	He's not familiar with the problem


12.	Eat shit!

	You don't say


13.	Eat shit and die

	Excuse me?


14.	Eat shit and die motherfucker

	Excuse me Sir?


15.	What the fuck do they want from my life

	They weren't happy with it?


16.	Kiss my arse

	So you'd like my help with it?


17.	Fuck it! I'm on salary

	I don't think you understand


18.	Shove it up your arse

	I love a challenge


19.	Who the hell died and made you the boss?

	You want me to take care of this


20.	Blow me

	I see


21.	Blow yourself

	Do you see


22.	Another fucking meeting?

	Yes. We really should discuss this


23.	I really don't give a shit

	I don't think it will be a problem


24.	He's a fucking prick

	He's somewhat insensitive


25.	She's a ball breaking bitch

	She's an aggressive go-getter


26.	You don't know what the fuck you're doing

	I think you could use more training


27.	This place is all fucked up

	We're a little disorganised


28.	What sort of fuck-wit are you?

	You're only new here aren't you?


29.	Get out of my fucking life shithead!

	There ya go ...


30.	You're a fucking wanker

	You're my manager and I respect you for that


31.	You're a fucking paranoid nutcase

	Oh, you're from Sydney!


32.	You're a fucking brown nose

	You're an exceptional worker and I respect you for that


33.	Go and get fucked you dickhead

	I no longer require your assistance


34.	Will you fuck off ... OK?

	Leave it with me ... I'll look into it


35.	How the fuck did you get this piece of shit to work?

	Your design work on this project has been exemplary


36.	You haven't got a fucking hope you dickwit

	I believe you have your abilities confused with your ambitions!


37.	Shut the fuck up .. you lying prick!!!

	I think some clarification is called for


38.	Fuck off will ya, if I was talking to the shithouse, I'd lift
	the lid. OK?

	Excuse me, would you mind not butting in on this conversation


39.	If i want shit I'll squeeze your head

	I do not require your assistance yet


40.	Sucked in you fucking loser

	That was terribly unfortunate, wasn't it?


41.	Do that again and I'll fucking drop you

	I think you should exercise better judgement in the future


42.	What the fuck do you think you're doing?

	Are you acting within your delegation?


43.	Fuck off arsehole

	I don't entirely agree with your suggestion