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The Photographer

     The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has recently
     been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers".  Under the
     government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant
     through the first five years of her marriage may request the service
     of a proxy father- a government employee who attempts to solve the
     couple's problem by impregnating the wife.

     The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is due
     to arrive.  Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off.  The
     government man should be here soon."  Moments later a door-to-door
     baby photographer rings the bell................

     Ms Smith:  "Good morning."

     Salesman:  "Good morning, madam.  You don't know me, but I've come
     to..."

     Ms Smith:  "No need to explain,  I've been expecting you.

     Salesman:  "Really?  Well, good.  I've made a specialty of babies,
     especially twins."

     Ms Smith:  "That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in
     and have a seat."

     Salesman:  (Sitting) "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"

     Ms Smith:  "Don't concern yourself. My husband and I both agree this
     is the right thing to do."

     Salesman:  "Well, perhaps we should get down to it."

     Ms Smith:  (Blushing) "Just where do we start?"

     Salesman:  "Leave everything to me.  I usually try two in the bathtub,
     one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.  Sometimes the
     living room floor allows the subject to really spread out."

     Ms Smith:  "Bathtub, living room floor?  No wonder it hasn't worked
     for Harry and me."

     Salesman:  "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
     time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven
     angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.  In fact, my
     business card says, 'I aim to please.'"

     Ms Smith:  "Pardon me, but isn't this a little informal?"

     Salesman:  "Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take
     his time.  I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be
     disappointed with that."

     Ms Smith:  "Don't I know!  Have you had much success at this?"

     Salesman:  (Opening his briefcase and finding baby pictures) "Just
     look at this picture.  Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus
     in downtown London."

     Ms Smith:  "Oh, my!!"

     Salesman:  "And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town.
     They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was
     so difficult to work with."

     Ms Smith:  "She was?"

     Salesman:  "Yes, I'm afraid so.  I finally had to take her down to
     Hyde Park to get the job done right.  I've never worked under such
     impossible conditions. People were crowding around four and five deep,
     pushing to get a good look."

     Ms Smith:  "Four and five deep?"

     Salesman:  "Yes and for more than three hours, too.  The mother got
     so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the
     crowd.  I couldn't concentrate.  I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of
     men to restrain her. By that time darkness was approaching and I began
     to rush my shots.  When the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I
     just packed it all in."

     Ms Smith:  "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?"

     Salesman:  "That's right, but it's all in a day's work.  I consider
     my work a pleasure.  I've spent years perfecting my patented
     technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of
     a big department store."

     Ms Smith:  "I just can't believe it."

     Salesman:  "Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
     that we can get to work."

     Ms Smith:  "TRIPOD?!?"

     Salesman:  "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on.
     It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting.
     Ms Smith?...Ms Smith?...My word, she's fainted!