Remember this is not one of my jokes... and unfortunately I don't have a reference
to who it has been written by.
Baked Beans
Once upon a time lives a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively
reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was
apparent to him that they would be marry, he thought to himself, "She is
such a sweet and gentle girl that she would never go for this kind of
carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up baked beans. They
were married shortly thereafter.
Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. Since they
lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late
because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and
the odor of freshly baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had
several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any ill effects
before he got home. So he stopped at the cafe and before leaving had eaten
three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, he putt-putted and
after arriving, felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his last. His
wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight". She then
blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the table. He seated himself
and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold the telephone rang. She
made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned, then went to
answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one
leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but ripe as rotten eggs. He took
the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air about him. Things
had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on, so he
shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true
prize winner. While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he
went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phone farewells
indicated the end of his freedom. He placed his napkin on his lap and
folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly to himself he was the
very picture of innocence when his wife returned, apologizing for taking so
long. She asked if he had peeked and he, of course, assured her that he had
not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was the surprise -
twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a happy birthday party for
him.
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