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How to Be Annoying

   * -Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
     insist to others that you "like it that way."
   * -Drum on every available surface.
   * -Remove every line of someones .newsrc file except the entry for
     alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
   * -Sing the Batman theme song incessantly.
   * -Staple papers in the middle of the page.
   * -Ask 800 operators for dates.
   * -Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings
   * -Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
   * -Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
   * -Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
   * -Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
   * -Set alarms for random times
   * -Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
     consisting entirely of "Beep Bip Bip Beep Bip..."
   * -Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
   * -Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
   * -Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
   * -Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Eds stereo, with the
     volume properly adjusted.
   * -Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
   * -Honk and wave to strangers
   * -Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
   * -Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
   * -Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental
     movies.
   * -Wear your pants backwards.
   * -Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
     complimentary mints by the cash register.
   * -Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
   * -Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reeds "Metal
     Machine Music."
   * -Leave someones printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
   * -Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
     streets.
   * -Pay for your dinner with pennies.
   * -Tie jingle bells to all of your clothes.
   * -Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
   * - Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" on all of someones road maps.
   * -Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ
     Simpson conspiracy theories.
   * -Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
     "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
   * -Light road flares on a birthday cake.
   * -Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
   * -Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
   * -Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
   * -At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
   * -When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells..." until
     physically restrained.
   * -Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
   * -As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
   * -Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
   * -Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
   * -Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song. (Ya know, Lamb
     Chops?)
   * -Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
   * -Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
   * -Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
     chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and
     repeat.
   * -Drive half a block.
   * -Name your dog "Dog."
   * -Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
   * -Ask people what gender they are.
   * -Reply to everything someone says with "thats what YOU think."
   * -Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back
     in the tray.
   * -Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.
   * -Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
     "real hoot."
   * -Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that
     you dont want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
   * -Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with
     a can of Lysol.
   * -Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains,
     such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme
     song.
   * -While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
     parakeet.
   * -Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.
   * -Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
   * -Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
   * -Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first
     in the phone book. Claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
     pronounce each "a."
   * -Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
     they slow down.
   * -Chew on pens that youve borrowed.
   * -Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
     play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
   * -Wear a LOT of cologne.
   * -Ask to "interface" with someone.
   * - Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is
     necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
   * -Sing along at the opera.
   * -Mow your lawn with scissors.
   * -At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
   * -Finish all your sentences with the words, "in accordance with the
     prophecy"
   * -Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
   * -Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesnt rhyme.
   * -Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers
     in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
   * -Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isnt
     cricket."
   * -Stare and static on the TV and ask other if they can see the "hidden
     picture."
   * -Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
   * -Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
   * -Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
     awkward silences with the impression that youll be saying more any
     moment.
   * -Never make eye contact.
   * -Never break eye contact.
   * -Signal that the conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
     ears.
   * -Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
   * -Construct your own pretend "tricorder" and "scan" people with it,
     announcing the results.
   * -Give a play-by -play account of a persons every action in a nasal
     Howard Cossel voice.
   * -Holler random numbers wile someone is counting.
   * -Make appointments for the 31st of September.
   * -Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
   * -Glue change to the floor at any public place.