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Remember this is not one of my collections... and unfortunately I don't have a reference to who it has been written by.

Lawyer Jokes

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A LAWYER AND A CATFISH?
One is a scum-sucking, bottom feeding scavenger. The other is a fish.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A LAWYER WITH AN IQ OF 70?
Your Honor

HOW CAN YOU TELL WHEN A LAWYER IS LYING?
His lips are moving.

WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A LAWYER?
A person with writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a brief.

A MAN WITH A LOADED GUN WAS IN A CELL WITH A SNAKE, A WEREWOLF, A VAMPIRE, A MAD DOG WITH RABIES, AND A LAWYER. HE HAS ONLY 4 BULLETS, WHO DID HE SHOOT?
He shot the lawyer 4 times

WHAT DOES A LAWYER USE FOR A CONTRACEPTIVE?
His personality.

WHY WON'T SHARKS EAT LAWYERS?
Professional courtesy.

WHAT DO YOU NEED WHEN YOU HAVE THREE LAWYERS UP TO THEIR NECKS IN CONCRETE?
More concrete.

WHY DOES NEW YORK HAVE SO MUCH GARBAGE AND LOS ANGELES SO MANY LAWYERS?
Because New York got first choice.

HOW ARE LAWYERS AND SPERM ALIKE?
Only one in a million ever does anything worthwhile.

WHAT DO YOU CALL 2000 DEAD LAWYERS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA?
A good start.

   The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, 
he called his lawyer.  "I want to become a lawyer. How much is 
it for that express degree you told me about?"
   "It's $50,000", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead 
soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"
   "That's my business! Get me the course!"
   Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer 
was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid.
   Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and 
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the 
lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, 
tell me why you wanted to get a law degree so badly before you 
died?"
   In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man 
said: "One less lawyer".

   A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to 
his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was 
having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. 
   "What a ripoff," the man muttered.
   "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend 
it with a beautiful woman." 
   Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, 
"Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

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