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Tell Me When You're On the Road

        These are REAL statements made by REAL people on insurance 
        forms.  They are better than any jokes.  The following 
        quotes were taken from these insurance forms and were
        eventually published in the Toronto Sun. July 26, 1977. 

        1.   Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and 
             collided with a tree I don't have.

        2.   The other car collided with mine without giving 
             warning of it's intentions.

        3.   I thought my window was down. but found out it was up 
             when I put my hand through it.

        4.   I collided with a stationary truck coming the other 
             way.

        5.   A truck backed into my windshield into my wife's 
             face.

        6.   A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 

        7.   The guy was all over the road.  I had to swerve a 
             number of times before I hit him.

        8.   I pulled from the side of the road, glanced at my 
             mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

        9.   In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone 
             pole.

        10.  I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my 
             way home.  As I reached the intersection, a hedge
             sprang up obscuring my vision.  I did not see the 
             other car.

        11.  I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell 
             asleep at the wheel and had a accident.

        12.  I was on my way to the doctors office with rear-end 
             trouble when my universal joint gave.

        13.  As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly 
             appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever
             appeared before.  I was unable to stop in time to 
             avoid the accident.

        14.  My car was legally parked as it backed into the other 
             vehicle.

        15.  An invisible car came out nowhere, struck my vehicle 
             and vanished.

        16.  I told the police that I was not injured, but on
             removing my hat, found that I had a skull fracture. 

        17.  The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so 
             I ran him over.

        18.  The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy 
             in a small car with a big mouth.

        19.  I was thrown from the car as it left the road.  I was 
             later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

        20.  The telephone pole was approaching fast, I was
             attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck 
             my front end.

        21.  I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into 
             the vehicle.  The driver and the passenger then left 
             immediately for vacation with injuries.

        22.  I saw the slow moving, sad faced, old gentlemen as he 
             bounced off the hood of my car.