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Some of these are pretty offensive!

Some Blonde Jokes

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
"She threw it off the cliff!"

Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on each shoe?
"Toes Go In First."

What is the mating call of a blonde?
"I think I'm getting drunk".

What is the mating call of the brunette?
"Is the blonde bitch gone yet?"

What do blondes say after sex?
"Who were those men?"

What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
"Goes Home."

What does a blonde wear behind her ears to attract men?
"Her ankles!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747!"

What's the difference between a parrot and a blonde?
"You can teach a parrot to say NO!"

Why does a blonde prefer a BMW to a Chevrolet?
"She can spell it."

What do you call a blonde with a pea-sized brain?
"Lucky!"

Wy don't they let blondes have coffee breaks?
"It takes too long to retrain them!"

What's the differince between a blonde and the Titanic?
"They know how many men went down with the Titanic."

Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?
"So she could lip read!"

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
"Tell her she's pregnant!"

What will she ask you?
"Is it mine?"

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
"A mental block!"

How do you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
"By the M&M peels on the floor!"

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
"Three... One to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
"You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball!"

Why was the blonde proud to finish her jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
"The box said '2-4 years'!"

What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
"A Wind Tunnel!"

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
"The more you bang them the looser they get!"

What do you call a fly buzzing around a blondes head?
"A space invader!"

Why did the blonde have a bruised navel?
"Her boyfriend was blonde too!"

What do blondes and cowpatties have in common?
"The older they are, the easier they are to pick up!"

Why don't blondes eat bananas?
"They can't find the zipper!"

What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
"You don't know how much either means to you until they go down on you!"

Why do blondes have trouble achieving orgasm?
"Who cares!"

Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
"It kept falling out!"

Did you hear about the blonde who froze to death at the Drive In movie?  She
went to see "Closed for the Winter".

How can you tell a blonde is driving a car? Her two kids running after it
yelling "Mom, wait for us!!"

How can you tell that a blonde is a good cook? The pop tart comes out of the
toaster in one piece.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were swimming the breaststroke in a race
across the English Channel.  The redhead came in first, and the burnette
finished five minutes behind her.  Three days later, the blonde came to the
finish line.  When informed that she had lost, she protested to the judges,
"But it's not fair!  The other girls were cheating!  They used their
hands!".....think about it..

Some more Blonde Jokes

1. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
   Because they get their heads caught in the jar.
   
2. Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid?
   They can't fit two quarts of water into that little package.
   
3. Why do blondes have the initials T.G.I.F. on their socks?
   To remind them "Toes Go In First"
   
4. Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
   That's the right place to wash vegetables.
   
5. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
   They are both empty from the neck up.
   
6. What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
   Pull the pin and throw it back.
   
7. How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
   Shine a flashlight in her ear.
   
8. How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
   Blow in her ear.
   
9. What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear?
   Thanks for the refill.
   
10. What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?
    A brain tumor.
    
11. What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
    Gifted.
    
12. What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
    Artificial intelligence.
    
13. What's the advantage to being married to a blonde?
    You get to park in the handicapped zones.
    
14. What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?
    An interpreter.
    
15. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
    Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
    
16. How do you murder a blonde?
    Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
    
17. How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?
    By the white-out on the screen.
    
18. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
    A "Whine" cellar.
    
19. What does a smart blonde and a dinosaur have in common?
    They are both extinct.
    
20. What is the difference between bigfoot and a smart blonde?
    At least there are claims that bigfoot has been sighted.
    
21. If there was a $110 bill lying on the ground and they were:
    a) Santa Claus, b) a dumb blonde, c) the Easter Bunny, and d) a smart blonde all standing around, who would pick up the $100 bill?
    b) the dumb blonde. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or a smart blonde.
    
22. If a blonde and a brunette fell of a building at the same time, who would hit the ground first?
    The brunette -- the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
    
23. Two blondes were lost in the woods and the came upon some tracks. One blonde said " Those look like deer tracks", and the other blonde said, "no, they look more like moose tracks". They were still arguing when the train hit them.
    
24. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
    One- she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
    
25. Why shouldn't blondes take coffee breaks?
    It takes too long to retrain them.
    
26. How can you tell if a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?
    By the M&M shells on the counter.
    
27. How do you keep a blonde busy for a week?
    Give her a bag of M&M's and have her alphabetize them.
    
28. What do you call 5 blondes standing in a row?
    A wind tunnel
    
29. Why do blondes have their bangs combed upward?
    It keeps everything from going over their heads.
    
30. What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
    She's trying to hold onto a thought.
    
31. How do you drown a blonde?
    Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
    
32. What do you call a group of blondes in a freezer?
    Frosted Flakes.
    
33. What do you say to a blonde to convince her to make love to you?
    Have another beer.
    
34. How does a blonde turn on the lights after making love?
    She opens the car door.
    
35. What do blondes and cow patties have in common?
    The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
    
36. What is the mating call of the blonde?
    I think I'm drunk.
    
37. What is the mating call of the brunette?
    Are the blondes gone yet?
    
38. What is the mating call of the redhead?
    Next!
    
39. Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
    To have a place to rest their ankles.
    
40. What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?
    Introduces herself and goes home.
    
41. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
    Her ankles.
    
42. Why do blondes wear underwear?
    To keep their ankles warm.
    
43. What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
    All you can eat under a buck.
    
44. Why do blondes like tilt steering.
    More head room.
    
45. What do blondes and turtles have in common?
    Once they are on their back, they're screwed.
    
46. What do blondes and computers have in common?
    They both go down on you.
    
47. Why do blondes have square breasts?
    They forget to take the Kleenex out of the box.
    
48. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
    You can get only three fingers in the ball.
    
49. What do blondes and 747's have in common?
    They both have black boxes.
    
50. What does a blonde say after sex?
    Are all you guys on the same team?
    
51. How do you know a blonde is confused?
    Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
    
52. What does a blonde say after they doctor tells her that she is pregnant?
    Is it mine?
    
53. Why is a blonde like a screen door?
    The more you bang it, the louder they get.
    
54. What goes vroom! eek! vroom! eek!?
    A blonde at a blinking red light.
    
55. What do blondes and doorknobs have in common?
    Everybody gets a turn.
    
56. What is the difference between a blonde and a limo?
    Not everyone has been in a limo.
    
57. What do blondes think safe sex is?
    The car doors are locked.
    
58. What is the difference between Ray Bans and a blonde?
    They sit on your face differently.
    
59. Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton?
    Beacuse it said concentrate.
    
60. One blonde tells another that she got a dozen roses from her husband and now she'll have to spend the next two weeks on her back with her legs spread. The second blonde says, "why, is he too cheap to buy a vase?"