Remember this is not one of my jokes... and unfortunately I don't have a reference
to who it has been written by.
If Operating Systems were Airlines...
I'm sure many of you are aware of the new Windows '95 program that was just
released. This new version of Windows is its own operating system or
virus, depending on your point of view... anyway, the new release prompted
me to dig this out; this is what computer operating systems would be like
if they were airlines:
If Operating Systems were Airlines...
DOS AIR
All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of the plane,
push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off when it hits the
ground. Then they grab the plane again, push it back into the
air, hop on, etcetera.
WINDOWS '95 AIRLINES
The terminal is very neat and clean, the attendants are all very
attractive and the pilots very capable. The fleet is immense. After
6 months, you begin to wonder why your plane has not arrived yet. Your
jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20,000
feet it crashes without warning.
MAC AIRWAYS
The cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look the same, feel
the same and act the same. When asked questions about the flight
they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and
would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
OS/2 SKYWAYS
The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers
milling about. Airline personnel walk around, apologising profusely
to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time to the
sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. They tell
each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets
and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines, but that they will
have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight
systems.
FLY WINDOWS NT
All the passengers carry their seats out onto the tarmac, placing the
chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit down, flap their arms
and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are flying.
WINGS of OS/400
The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably the best and safest
planes that ever flew and painted "747" on their tails to make them
look as if they are fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend
to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions
cost $230 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first
class ticket and membership in the frequent flyer club.
MVS AIRLINES
The passengers all gather in the hanger, watching hundreds of
technicians check the flight systems on this immense, luxury aircraft.
This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over 1,000 passengers.
All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the necessary complement of
200 technicians. The pilot takes his place up in the glass cockpit.
He guns the engines, only to realize that the plane is too big to get
through the hangar doors!
UNIX EXPRESS
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to
the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what
kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually,
they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name.
Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe
they got there.
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